what our politicians say (and what they really mean)

sElection 2007
(92 days(state)/99 days(federal) to go)
This is the start of a series of blog entries on the Nigerian elections in April 2007.

Its sElection time in Naija in a couple of weeks and our politicians are in overdrive. Naijas must be suffering from an overload of political bullshit as the politicians try to manipulate and convince anyone who will listen that they will work for the country's interest (rather than their own).
Listening to their crap you start to notice that they use the same words all the time. Here are a few popular statements and what they really mean..


"overheat the polity"
means as your actions are not in my favour, i will rally my kinsmen/ethnic loyalists and tell them you hate them all.

"monumental rape on democracy"
means since you out rigged me at the sElections, my thugs and i are going to cause as much trouble as we can until the results are reversed or cancelled.

"Long live the Federal Republic of Nigeria"
means long may we continue to feed off this gravy train called Nigeria

"Fellow Nigerians"
meaning you ungrateful idiots lucky enough to have me ruling over you, better drop what you are doing and listen..

"God bless Nigeria"
means not that i care what God does with any of you, but God has definitely blessed me and i hope he continues to let me oppress you lot forever.

"May God help us in this country"
means as we lack the resources to govern ourselves, we wish to outsource the running of the country to whatever higher power is out there.

"its God's will" (depends on the context)
means as we obviously can not blame ourselves for the catastrophe (since x decided to embezzle the money allocated to repair y) we have decided to blame God since he should have warned us of the disaster.
or could also
mean stop complaining about the fraudulent manner in which i won, i was just smarter than my opponents


"I have nothing to hide"
means of course i have plenty to hide but no one will dare investigate me as they too have a lot to hide

"a victory for democracy"
means you are the loser I am the winner (or in i go chop your dollar style 'you are the mugu i am the master')

"capable of derailing the 2007 elections"
means your actions may allow my opponent to out rig me at the sElections

"capable of derailing the country's nascent democracy"
means we can't allow those khaki boys to come back and spoil our enjoyment of the national cake

"threatening to derail the task of nation-building"
means we can't allow anyone distract us from embezzling public funds

"threaten the corporate existence of Nigeria"
means any action that will derail this gravy train must be resisted at all costs

"ensure the sanctity of our constitution"
means we have a 'gentleman' agreement and you must keep to that agreement

"contrary to the provisions of the 1999 Constitution"
means you have not kept to our original agreement and what you are doing is not in my interest

"It is therefore illegal, unconstitutional and a gross abuse of office"
means you have stabbed me in the back and this will seriously affect my financial wellbeing