Wednesday, December 26, 2007

Happy Holidays

"A new year is unfolding – like a blossom with petals curled tightly concealing the beauty within.” - anon

To all who frequent my blog, I wish you a belated merry xmas and a wonderful 2008

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

when Yardy met George

"This is a moment that I'll never forget in my life" - Yardy

Seems like our president was a bit starstuck when he met George Bush last week.
What sort of President goes to the White house and says "This is a moment that I'll never forget in my life"
Someone give this guy some backbone, I felt like puking at the sight of Yardy behaving like some giggling schoolgirl on a first date. Ok i know the election that got him to power was flawed and he desperately needs US support, however for the time being he is still the President of the Federal Republic of Nigeria, not the president of some banana republic that relies on US aid.

If anything with China playing an increasing role in Africa and our large reserves of oil, America needs us now more than we need her.

Which brings me to the controversy over Africom (the United States Africa Command) . Last week there were reports that Yardy had agreed to work with the U.S to establish Africom

According to The Punch (December 14), Yar'adua told journalists inside the Oval Office of the White House at the end of his meeting with Bush, that Nigeria "will partner with AFRICOM not only in Nigeria but also on the continent to actualize the peace and security initiatives which is an initiative to help standby forces in each of the regional groupings in Africa."

Here's the transcript of his speech on the white house website

We have discussed security issues and the security within Nigeria, itself, within the Niger Delta region and within the Gulf of Guinea. And we have also discussed security issues -- peace and security on the African continent. And we shall partner with (inaudible) to assist not only Nigeria, but also the African continent to actualize its peace and security (inaudible) initiative, which is an initiative to help standby forces of brigade-size in each of the regional economic groupings within the African continent.

Now I'm no conspiracy theorist but it seems strange that the part where Yardy probably mentioned "Africom" is the "inaudible" part (as in the part of his speech that was not clearly understood so was not transcribed).

Lost in Translation??
Meanwhile Yardy rather than go on NTA, FRCN or VON went on the "Hausa Service of the VOA" to deny he agreed to Africom.
in a subsequent interview with the Hausa Service of the VOA, the president denied he had accepted Africom. "I did not," he said, "accept Africom in my discussions with Bush. I asked for assistance and told Bush that we have our plans to establish bases for African countries. We asked for training on weapons and training to establish our bases to be managed by our people."

Yardy, in keeping with the tradition of other northern leaders who have ruled Nigeria, says one thing to the rest of the country but says the opposite on the Hausa service of the BBC or VOA for northern consumption.

So was it really a faux pas??

methinks instead of keeping his eye on the ball, he was staring dreamy eyed into George Bush's eyes as if he was on a bloody date.

Friday, December 07, 2007

Random Ms IV

So the whole missing data scandal finally hit home when i got a letter of apology from Her Majesty's Revenue and Customs (HMRC). According to the letter "The missing data includes you and your children's names and date of birth, bank account details..."

The letter ends with an assurance that "The copy of the data is still likely to be on Government property. The police are now conducting a search, there is no evidence that it is in the possession of anyone else."

The latest news is that HMRC is now offering a reward of £20,000 for information leading to the recovery of the data discs.
Have they checked on ebay? -

On a serious note, experts claim the loss of the two CDs containing 25m records including names, addresses and bank details is the UK's, and probably the world's, largest ever data loss.

GB's Crises
You don't have to be an economist to know that UK Plc is in for a bumpy ride next year when the effects of falling property prices, high fuel prices and the impact of the global credit crunch start to bite. Tony Blair must be pleased he handed over to Gordon Brown (GB) before the shit hit the fan.

Since GB became PM its been one fiasco after the other, from the Labour party funding row to the Northern rock crises, and now we hear NR staff will get a bonus and a one off xmas payment.
how nice, i wonder if that is coming out of the £25bn of taxpayers' money...
but i digress
I almost feel sorry for GB, but hey he wanted the job and he was prepared to take Blair down if he had stayed on (why is Tony Blair stepping down).
I can just imagine how Tony feels now. I think the Germans have a word for it, schadenfreude...

Thursday, November 29, 2007


Its been six months since Yardy was sworn in as president and it seems he spends most of his time sleeping in Aso rock. Apart from a few policy reversals and a couple of statements about the rule of law, i can't think of anything else he has done in the past six months.
It seems he prefers to react to events, rather than taking the initiative. Who gives a rat's ass if he obeys court injunctions? (unlike Obj), thats not an achievement, it should be the norm in any true democracy.

It's a typical Nigerian trait to get carried away by the 'populist' actions of a new government. Reversing the policies of a previous government has always been the easiest way to win acceptance in naija. You don't need to formulate policies of your own, just reverse all the decisions of the previous government and everyone will hail you as the best thing to happen to Nigeria.

The true test of Yardy will be when he stops riding on Obj's coattails and formulates his own policies or when he has to deal with a major crises.

The Religion Delusion
I've just finished reading The God Delusion by Richard Dawkins, depending on your views of religion, you'll either love it or hate it. I loved it, so you can pretty much tell what my views are on religion.
Meanwhile, i stumbled on this excellent article on NVS - 'God to His Children: There is No God'
As usual the reaction from the respondents (mostly Nigerian) was not exactly surprising..

Friday, November 23, 2007

random musings III

I swear i haven't stopped blogging i've just been distracted by events at work, the great big company i work for has recently merged with a bigger company and everyone is trying to adjust to the new political climate.

30 years and another boom
The whole oil price thing is doing my head in, especially when i have to buy diesel at £1 a litre (70p of that pound goes to the tax man as fuel duty and VAT).
Oil is currently trading at about $100, the last time oil was at similar levels was during the 70s, which is the period known in Nigeria as the 'Oil boom'. 30 years later and it seems history is repeating itself, except Naija has been so battered by the repercussions of that 'oil boom', that this time around it has hardly made much difference to most Nigerians unless you're lucky enough to be among the 1 percent of the population that continues to feed fat on the proceeds of our resources.

a feeling of deja vu
I found this report interesting - Nigeria sues over child smokers
According to BBC news
"The government is seeking an injunction compelling the companies to stop the marketing, distribution and sale of cigarettes to minors. It says that products sold by the companies are addictive and hazardous to public health."

But back in 2001
British American Tobacco (BAT) cash round reaches Nigeria

BAT is to invest $150m in Nigeria building a factory making internationally-recognised cigarette brands, and developing the country's tobacco farms. The investment was welcomed by Nigerian Industry Minister Kola Jamodu as a signal that Nigeria was "on track". "Substantial flows of investment are returning once more to Nigeria," he said.

makes you wonder what other "Substantial flows of investment" the government has signed up to. You'll think that in this day and age our government will understand the concept of no 'free lunch' or the fact that when it comes to Africa, western multinationals are only interested in exploiting the resources or taking advantage of the weak laws and no regulation.

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Another one bites the dust..

Clearly a 'breeze' of change is blowing across naija, I don't want to get too carried away that's why i did not call it a "wind of change", but anyway sha breeze dey blow small small and so far the main casualties are Etteh (madam speaker finally threw in the towel when the pressure became unbearable - and her deputy, the governor of Rivers state - Celestine Omehia, Yardy's In law and Kebbi state governor - Usman Dakingari, Kogi state governor - Ibrahim Idris and Anambra state governor - Andy Uba (who was governor for only two weeks. ouch).

so who's next? i bet the following are having sleepless nights:
The six million £££pound man - David Mark
Adedibu's protege and governor of Oyo state - Alao Akala
The governor of Edo state - Oserheimen Osunbor
And the governors of Ekiti, Ondo, Osun, Enugu, Imo and Abia states. (see Anxiety grips governors)

who knows this 'breeze' might even turn into a category 5 hurricane and sweep Yardy himself...

Friday, October 12, 2007

a slightly delayed reaction

to the HRW report.
The report (see previous post) makes sobering reading and leaves one with not much optimism about the future of the country. The government as usual will dismiss the report and accuse the organisation of trying to portray the country in a negative light.

denial of denial
We may choose to deny the issues raised in the report but our international partners, creditors, risk analysts etc will be taking a critical look at the report and will use it to access the circumstances in which they will do business with the country.

Meanwhile, no one seems to have noticed that the country has now moved up 10 places since last year to 17 on the failed list index (2007), above countries like Sierra Leone (23) and Liberia (27), (which is quite ironic considering the role our troops played in bringing 'peace' to the two countries).

Back in 2005, when CIA's long-term forecast for Africa suggested Nigeria could become a failed state in a couple of years, there was widespread condemnation. Obj (in his usual arrogant way) described the authors as "prophets of doom". He went on to say "If our detractors cannot see our far-reaching reforms, our fight against waste and corruption, the new culture of service delivery that is gradually emerging, the various political reforms... then they must have some dubious or diabolical benchmarks for measuring efforts"

Well thanks to Obj and the 'exceptional legacy' he left behind, the nightmare of a failed Nigeria is a likelihood today...

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Criminal Politics - a report by HRW

Human Rights Watch has released an extensive report on the political situation in Nigeria,
called Criminal Politics: Violence, “Godfathers” and Corruption in Nigeria
click here for the Pdf version

Highlights from the report:

in Yardy's state (and this was while he was still governor)
Direct State Sponsorship of Thugs in Katsina:
In at least one Nigerian state, Katsina, the state government paid money directly to
gangs of youth who were accused of carrying out widespread political violence in
return for those payments.
Nigerian President Umaru Yar’Adua served as Governor of Katsina State for eight years until being elected president in April 2007. According to former state government officials, civil society activists and PDP Youth members, his administration used state government money to maintain several thousand “PDP Youth” on a regular monthly stipend of N5000 ($38).

One former state government official told Human Rights Watch that this PDP youth organization was essentially a perversion of an initiative to empower unemployed youth in the state:

"Before 2003 the idea was brought at a Government House meeting to establish
television viewing centers in all of the wards. Some of us vehemently opposed this
on the basis that this was not an acceptable legacy to bequeath on the youth. [We]
suggested computer training centers. The idea was accepted but [later] this thing
suddenly became, “Let’s give them a N5000 allowance.” [These youth] have since
become a reservoir of thugs."
Akala suggests new career for Adedibu

The following is an excerpt from an interview with Christopher Alao Akala at his
campaign office in Ibadan two months prior to his election as Governor of Oyo State.
Human Rights Watch asked Alao-Akala to explain his relationship with Chief Adedibu
as well as Adedibu’s role in the politics of Oyo State:

"For God’s sake, this man is an old man, you cannot reform him, you can only manage him. This man has been in politics since politics began in Nigeria. Can you just wish him away like that? If you go to his house you will see pictures of all the past leaders he has worked with…

Chief Adedibu has sponsored everybody—everybody who is who and who in Oyo state politics has passed through that place.

This man belongs to an old school of thought. If, for example, he asked me, Mr. Governor, I want you to kill this one tomorrow I would say, “Yes, sir.” Then I would go back the following day and say, “Why do you want us to kill that man?”
Then I will provide another solution— we will not kill him, let us bring him to order. If he asked me for N100, I will say, “Yes, sir.” But then the next day, I will say, “Baba, I am sorry, I
don’t have the N100, here is N20 for you to manage.”
That is only an example.

I will recommend Baba [Adedibu] as a lecturer at the University [of
Ibadan] to teach, to lecture students about practical politics."

The Uba-Ngige's "Agreement"
The following are excerpts from a Human Rights Watch interview with Anambra State
political “godfather” Chris Uba at his Enugu residence in February 2007:

"I have been in politics from 1999 and even before, but 2003 is the time I produced a Governor for the State. Since that 2003 I have been handling the party—the PDP—and we have been doing well and we did not have any problem in the party.

When he [Ngige] became Governor he started playing funny. That is where we disagree, we signed before he became governor. We said that I am going to produce [appoint] six to seven Commissioners. He is going to produce [some] because he is governor already. I am going to produce more; he is going to produce lesser…

I spent a lot of money to put him there but I never asked him for my money back. Ngige was trying to be smart, trying to run the government on his own.…
The problem is Ngige being a politician who did not invest one naira, not even one kobo, wanted to run away with everything and not even share one appointment.

That is why he heaped this blackmail upon me…I cannot tell him to give me N3 billion because I know that he does not have it! The allocation to Anambra in one month is not up to N3 billion!
I am supposed to bring the Commissioner for Finance, this man who funded the campaign is supposed to be Commissioner of Works, I said, look, you signed it, and not under duress.

The problem is the immunity the governors are having, everything they are having, you spend your money to bring them into power and they say “Go to hell.”
It should be just like, you invest in a bank and then you have power to make some decisions because of your controlling shares. But he blackmails you and pays the press to go say all sorts of bad things about you and put it in the internet."

In the annex of the report is a copy of the "agreement" between Chris Uba (Godfather) and the former governor of Anambra state, Chris Ngige.

Tuesday, October 09, 2007


June 14, 1928 – October 9, 1967
A great revolution in just one single individual will help achieve a change in the destiny of a society and, further, will enable a change in the destiny of humankind.” - Daisaku Ikeda

Wednesday, October 03, 2007

How to keep your Job (Naija style)

Madam Speaker doing her own version of Amy Winehouse's 'rehab'

So you've been caught with your hands in the till (or in this case indicted for not following due process by awarding a contract to an unregistered company run by one of your aides).
No worries, here are a few tips on how to save your job;

1. The best form of defence is an attack, start by turning the tables on your opponents by accusing them of similar crimes.

2. Play the victim. Claim you've been set up and you know nothing about the allegations.

3. Employ a powerful Godfather to apply pressure on those in power.

4. Now is the time to bring out the GMGs "Ghana must go bags". Ensure you give one to anyone who is in a position to help you (at this stage "Everybody" would like to help you)

5. Play the Ethnic card by getting your "people" to accuse your opponents of trying to marginalise your ethnic group.

6. Employ Spiritual methods. Call on all pastors and imams to pray for you and Nigeria. If you attend a Pentecostal church, you can organise night vigils, prayer requests or make a large donation to your pastor to ensure he is on your case 24/7.

7. Employ other "Spiritual" methods. At times like this you can't rely on 'whiteman's religion' alone, you have to go "local".
If you're from the west, head over to Ijebu Igbo and employ the services of the best 'jazz' (juju) man around. If you're from the east, head over to Okija shrine while those in the north should employ the services of a marabout. (ensure it's not the same one Abacha and Atiku used)

8. Now is a good time to call on the traditional ruler in your part of the country that has the most influence. In the South west, the Oni of Ife is always ready to beg on behalf of any Yoruba subject accused of corruption or coup plotting.

9. Set up a fictional group called "concerned citizens of Nigeria", get the "group" to put out a full page ad in the news papers claiming there is a conspiracy against you. They should also list your "accomplishments" and declare you're the best ***** Nigeria ever had.

10. Employ good old "shakara". Declare that "it's God's will" that you got to your current position and by "God's grace" no one can remove you.

I'm a celebrity, get me outta here

The speaker and her "aides" have launched a major media offensive to ensure she keeps her job when the house resumes later in the month.
In one of the papers yesterday her 'media consultant' accused certain members (members of the "integrity" ??? group) of the house of "bad belle".

Her aide went on to say that "In other lands, the first female Speaker would have become an instant star, to be adored and celebrated, but in Nigeria, detractors are saying "she is a hair dresser, as if Bill Gates, the world's richest man, was not a drop-out from Harvard." He chided Nigerians for not commending the Speaker, who saved the public till millions of naira by refusing to accept hotel accommodation or even collect money in lieu of it."

Etteh is Here to Stay, Aide Says

Sunday, September 30, 2007


Nigeria gained it's independence 47 years ago.

Tafawa Balewa was 47 years (and 10 months) old when he became the first prime minister of Nigeria.

Life expectancy in Nigeria is now 47 years.

Nigeria is ranked 47 in the list of countries by GDP (Gross Domestic Product) (according to the CIA Factbook).

With an estimated population of 140 million people, Nigeria accounts for 47 percent of West Africa’s population.

UNDP (United Nations Development Programme) estimates the unemployment rate in Nigeria at about 47 per cent of the labour force.

During the colonial era, 47 percent of Nigeria's imports were from Britain.

The Chad - Nigeria border is about 47 miles in length.

Nigeria is an important member of OPEC (Organization of Petroleum Exporting Countries) which was established 47 years ago.

According to a study on Nigeria by the U.S. Library of Congress, 47% of Nigerians are reportedly of the Muslim faith.

Thursday, September 27, 2007

I'm disgusted Part 3

I'm disgusted Part 2
I'm disgusted Part 1

To excite nausea or loathing in; sicken.
To offend the taste or moral sense of; repel.

Profound aversion or repugnance excited by something offensive.

Filled with disgust or irritated impatience.


Patricia Etteh (The 'DisHonourable' Speaker)
now that the panel investigating the whole "contract palaver" has submitted its report which has now confirmed that due process was not followed in the award of the contracts, lets hope she does the honourable thing and resigns.
meanwhile Transparency international's Corruption Perceptions Index is out. Nigeria is now ranked 147 out of a list of 179 countries.

Adedibu, the thug of Yorubaland
who died and made this idiot a spokesman for the Yorubas???
According to Adedibu, "Etteh is the only hope of the Yoruba in the Federal Government of Nigeria and any attempt by members of the House to remove her would therefore mean removing the Yoruba nation from the scheme of things in Nigeria"
Awolowo must be rolling in his grave. I guess we have Obasanjo to thank for Adedibu's delusions of grandeur. After turning Oyo state into his own personal fiefdom, he now 'thinks' (and i use that word very loosely) that he is a spokesperson for the Yorubas..
I really hope the rest of the country doesn't fall for this type of ethnic blackmail 'cause if they did, we might as well kiss project nigeria goodbye. If Etteh is removed and other South West reps decline the position then I suggest someone else from another part of the country takes up the position.

Bisi Olatilo
Don't really know who the guy is, but i had the misfortune of watching his show on BEN TV recently. It shouldn't be called The Bisi Olatilo show, he should call it "the show where crooks and criminals flaunt their stolen wealth"
The episode i watched featured disgraced former governor of Bayelsa state - Diepreye Alamieyesiegha, returning "home in grand style". It was disgusting and revolting to watch and Olatilo's commentary only made it worse. At one point i could swear he described Alams as a celebrity..

so called 'anti-immigrants' here in the UK
(hiding their racist rhetoric under different guises)
sometimes the hypocrisy in this country makes me sick, check out the have your say page on the BBC news website in response to the news story about the police needing more resources to cope with the pressures caused by a sudden influx of migrant workers.
As usual it has attracted the usual vitriolic bigots.

" nearby St Ives there is even now a dedicated Polish supermarket. I feel like a foreigner in my own country and do not like it in the slightest," Amanda, Huntingdon

"What's this so called positive effect of immigrants ? The way they work for less than a living wage thereby pushing more Brits into the underclass/dole ? The way they refuse to integrate or even speak English so we have to provide translation services for them ? The way they take free healthcare and schooling thereby ensuring that the quality goes down for the rest of us ? Their impact on housing, making it more difficult for Brits to find good accommodation ?"
BBC News:have your say
So the Poles force down wages, big fucking deal, the brits push up property prices (pricing out the locals) everywhere they go.
Bloody Hypocrites, these are probably the same people who buy a second property in Spain or France and refuse to integrate with the local community, yet scream that foreigners do not want to integrate.
European integration works both ways, the Poles et al have a right to be here same way the Brits have a right to live in the Spanish costas and sip sangría.

Windows Vista & Microsoft
I don't care about all the 'cool' visual stuff in vista, i just want to install and run my programs without an annoying feature called "User Account Protection" bugging me with silly messages.
The only good thing about vista is that it allows you to switch back to an "XP like view" (as in the look and feel of windows XP), that option will save you a lot of time otherwise spent trying to figure out where microsoft hid all the old features.
No choice...
Vista came pre loaded on my new laptop so i didn't have much choice (normally wouldn't think of upgrading until they've released service pack 2 ).
God knows if Microsoft built cars, every time they released a new model, we'll all have to go back to driving school to figure out how to drive the damn thing. .


Friday, September 07, 2007

Prince at the O2 Arena

If you're a Prince fan and you haven't seen him at the O2 arena (21 nights in London, part of The Earth Tour) you need to get tickets fast.
I was at his concert last night and all i can say is, Prince is truly a great performer. I can't remember all the songs he performed, as he did a LOT of songs but he did all my favourite songs - kiss, 1999, purple rain, cream, diamonds & pearls, little red covette, alphabet street, sign of the times and i wanna be your lover. (phew)
There was no satisfying the audience and when the show ended about 2 hours later, some people started booing because he didn't come back for a fourth encore..

Thursday, September 06, 2007


"Don't care where you come from as long as you're a black man you're an African" - Peter Tosh

so i was having a discussion with my friend Y at a party the other day when his young daughter who is about 4 years old came over, i started talking to her and then asked her what had name was, i already knew her name but i wanted to hear how she pronounced it.

Imagine my shock when she said her name was 'joanna', i thought she was joking, thinking it was some nickname she had picked up in school, so i said i thought your name was xxxxxx (the beautiful Yoruba name everyone calls her)
she said na lie o, her name na joanna

I then turned to my friend and our conversation went along the following lines;

me: i was at her naming ceremony, which one be joanna? are you a kool and the gang fan or what?

Y: thats the name she is called in school

me: (surprised) really.. sebi we both made fun of X claiming he was trying to be British by force when he named his kids after members of the royal family?

Y: (now slightly embarrassed by my accusation) we decided to give her an English name so she could blend in at school, we've told her to use her English name when she is among white people and to use her Yoruba name when she is with Nigerians.

me: that's interesting, so why did she tell me her name is joanna? I'm not white

Y: (laughing)

me: God knows you're confusing the poor kid, there's nothing wrong with her name, it's a common Yoruba name so I don't really understand the need for it.

Y: but the teachers may find it difficult pronouncing her Yoruba name

me: then you bloody teach them how to pronounce it, you don't see Asians naming their kids John Patel because other people find their names difficult to pronounce

Y: we don't want other kids making fun of her name

me: hello!!!, you live in east London, i'm sure there are plenty of kids with foreign names in her school

Y: (calls kid over) come and tell uncle your Yoruba name?

joanna: (suddenly becomes shy and refuses to say a word)

Y: so your son doesn't have an English name?

me: why should he? if an oyinbo man living in naija has a kid there, do you think he'll name his kid 'chukwuemeka' or 'oluwatimilehin'???

I think there's a misconception among many Nigerians that anglicising your name (best one I've heard is someone called "GBenga" now calling himself "Ben") or using an English name lets you "fit in" and improves your chances of employment.
If adopting English names really made any difference then people of Caribbean origin should have the best economic opportunities compared to other ethnic minorities.

Of course you can name your kid whatever you want, however if you choose to give your kids English names then you shouldn't complain when they grow up and turn their back on their culture.

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

The All 'New' Naira

And the main news today, out of naija is about the all New "revalued" Naira coming your way. From August 1st 2008 , two zeroes will be knocked off N100 (N1), N200 (N2),N500 (N5) (i'm sure you get the idea)

When Soludo (the CBN governor) was asked what will happen to some body, for example, who has kept N1000 and wants to exchange it. He explained, “If you have $1000, it’s the same thing, you get the value for the $1000. There is no devaluation, there is no loss of value, it is just like instead of N100, you carry N1. That N1 in comparison with the dollar, it’s the same value. Before, you pay N126 for a dollar, now you have N1.26 for one dollar. So it’s fantastic.”

To the man on the street, who has N1000 in his account, he said, “if you have N100, 000, it would become N1000, but the key thing about valuation is that it is in relation to other currencies. If you relate to the dollar, N125, 000 in your account before would give you $1000 but now N125, 000 in your account, would now become N1, 250. If you want to buy dollars, it would give you the same $1000.
As a Nigerian, psychologically it is good for us; that our Naira is N1.25 to a dollar, unlike N125 to a dollar. It’s a feel good factor.
The Naira Big bang

I don't know, it all sounds like some strange IMF experiment to test someone's thesis on the chaos theory.
I'm not knocking naija here but this is the same country where we had "slight" problems organising a simple election.
In a country where 70% of the population is barely literate, how are people expected to understand that N1000 will now be N10. How will iya sikira understand that the 'ogi' she sold for N200 the day before is now N2 or how will baba Morufu, the meat seller understand that the 'bokoto' he is selling for N2000 is now N20?

On a funnier note whats going to happen to the naija version of who wants to be a millionaire c
onsidering 10 million naira will soon become 100,000 naira...

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

random musings II

really sorry for the long break, some 'disgruntled elements' had been using jazz to stop me from blogging : - )
(blogger seems to have gone crazy on me, can't seem to get the text to display properly)
Another reason i've been offline is because i've used up all my energy trying to catch up with Ijebuman jr, he took his first steps a few weeks ago and now he is running around the house thinking he is Linford Christie. [just in case you regulars have forgotten, he was a year old 2 weeks ago : - )]

The BNP is going to love this:

The highest number of offences were carried out by Poles, charged with 2,310 crimes between the start of January and the end of June.

Jamaicans, Irish nationals, Somalians and Romanians - accused of more than 1,000 crimes - had the next worst levels of offending.


The worst fraud total was recorded by Nigerians, with 275 crimes

who says Nigeria hasn't got talent LOL.

Seriously, although i know its bad we're on the list but at least we're not in the top 3, considering the bad press we get you'll think naijas commit most of the crime in this town.

(just in case you didn't notice it in the story 80% of crimes is still committed by brits)
According to Mr. John Ogar Odey (Minister of Information and Communications) a committee has been put in place to work out modalities for the celebration.
What exactly has Yardy done in the last 100 days, he only just appointed his ministers last month. Apart from reversing a few of his predecessors policies he hasn't exactly done anything, i suggest he waits a year before "celebrating" anything.

As far as i'm concerned the jury is still out on Yardy, his made a few good moves but i still have my doubts about him. Back in '99 when Obj too was reversing decisions made by the previous military government, na so people dey hail am, 8 years later we all know better.

Friday, July 20, 2007

random musings

something to rant about
I hate spam, let me re phrase that, i really really hate spam. My spam filter manages to block most of it, but how do you block spam sent by friends or people in your address book??
I've recently noticed that a lot of people have started sending me religious spam (as far as i'm concerned it's unsolicited, so it'is spam).
You can always tell when my peeps have discovered "religion" especially of the pentecostal
kind. They start sending out emails with bible quotations, invites to Pastor Jibiti's weekend of deliverance or forward silly emails about passing this message to 40 other people will bring you luck or prove that 'Jesus is lord' or show that 'Satan is a liar'.

Even on the web, there's no escape for people like me from our current obsession with religion...

angry and sad
that it took so long for our government to react and demand an apology from the spanish ambassador for the death of Osamuyia Aikpitanhi, a 23 year old Nigerian killed by spanish police officers during a forced deportation.
see back story

no wonder the weather is shit
not that i bother with the charts but there's a silly song called 'Umbrella' by Rihanna at number one, the chorus to the song sounds remarkably familiar, sort of like the gibberish my 11 month old son has been saying recently.
but i digress
'Umbrella' has been at number one for 9 weeks, no wonder summer has been a complete washout.

Monday, July 09, 2007

No end in sight

The situation in the Niger delta hit a new low with the kidnapping of a 3 year old girl last week. (She has now been released and is back with her parents). Sadly it seems the whole Niger delta region has degenerated into a complete state of anarchy (and i'm talking by Naija standards here). Even Dokubo-Asari (Niger Delta's self styled 'nationalist') had his jeep snatched at gunpoint. Hard to tell if it was snatched by armed robbers or militants, since every hoodlum with a gun now calls themselves 'militants'.

There are now so many groups trying to get in on the 'ransom booty'. Apart from Jomo Gbomo's well known group Mend (Movement for the Emancipation of the Niger Delta), there's another faction of Mend headed by a "General Godswill Tamuno". There are also other groups like the Coalition for Military Action in the Niger Delta (Coma), the Joint Revolutionary Council (JRC), the Niger Delta Vigilante and the Martyrs Brigade. (
Martyrs Brigade??? they sound like a bunch of jokers, as if anyone in the delta would even consider suicide bombing).
And not forgetting the original group that started it all off, Dokubo's Niger Delta Peoples Volunteer Force (NDPVF).

where will it all end?
Even if the Nigerian government gives in to all their demands, i doubt if any of the groups will suddenly decide to get rid of their weapons. There's just too much oil money at stake and once they have no common enemy to fight they will turn on each other like a pack of wolves, leading to a lot more violence in that region.

It's unlikely we'll see any peace in that part of the country until the last drop of oil is removed or the most likely scenario, the rest of the world finds alternative sources of energy.

Friday, June 29, 2007

A Junior Update/Weapon of Choice

Just realised how long its been since i blogged about ijebuman jr, he is now 11 months old (amazing how time flies)

Just like Gordon Brown's cabinet reshuffle, we did a furniture reshuffle at ijebuman's mansion this week ; - )
With junior crawling around we've suddenly realised how child unfriendly the place is. The little rascal has developed an unhealthy relationship with everything apart from his toys. He has started chewing on wires, knocking over plants and generally messing up the feng shui arrangement of the place (we ijebu's too get our own feng shui LOL).
No wonder my sister in law was laughing at us last year when we were renovating the house.
Weapon of Choice

London is gradually turning into some knife crazed city, with kids running around stabbing each other. Since the beginning of the year over a dozen teenagers have been fatally stabbed.

According to The Times
Worried parents are buying body armour for their children in an attempt to keep them safe from street violence.
A firm that supplies stab- and bullet-proof vests to government agencies around the world has sold 60 jackets to concerned parents after several murders of teenagers on London streets.
“They are concerned by what is happening on the streets — the level of violence. A 13-year-old girl has been our youngest customer but most are about 15 or 16. Most of the calls have been from London" a spokesman for the firm is reported as saying.

check out the stats
10% of boys aged 11 and 12 are reported to have carried a knife or other weapon and 8% said they had attacked someone intending serious harm. By the age of 16, the figure had risen to 24% who have carried a knife and 16% who had attacked somebody intending harm.

Boy stabbed to death because he looked at youth ‘the wrong way’

Teenager stabbed in third fatal attack since weekend

Call for security checks as one in four pupils admits to being armed

If things carry on this way Jr might end up in a boarding school in good ole Naija.

Friday, June 22, 2007

Hanging on to his L Plates

Yar'Adua still hanging on to his L plates
Sorry i haven't posted in a while, just like our new presido Yar'Adua, i've been taking a well deserved break. Talking about Yar'Adua, i have to agree with Aba boy, the man deserves his nickname "Alhaji go slow".

Someone should wake him up, its like 24 days already or does the man think he was "selected" to sleep and eat 'fura de nunu' in Aso rock.
I've been hearing the usual excuses "he is taking his time" or "he is not rushing into things". Please stop!! My peeps we have to stop making tired excuses, Yar'Adua did not become president on May 29, he became president the minute Obj decided he should become PDP's presidential candidate. So he has had all that time to prepare, the handover on May 29 was a mere formality.

Project naija needs a hands-on 'project manager' that will hit the ground running not some guy 'taking his time'. At this rate, his term will be over by the time he gets round to actually implementing any policy.

Meanwhile, while i was on my Yar'Adua break, Andy Uba was removed from office by the Supreme court. I have to commend whoever updated his wikipedia entry , it was updated almost immediately after the judgement was announced. His website - is now conveniently "offline" : - )

here's a funny one off oyibosonline
Things You'd Wish To Hear While In Nigeria...

here are a few of the best ones:

"It's totally my fault, no one else was involved, I take full responsibility"

"Welcome to our country" (without the usual 'waitin you bring come for us')

"Have a nice trip sir,, no, you don't have to dash me, I'm just doing my job..."

"Ok thank you sir, here's ur driving license and registration papers back, all seems in order, you may leave"

"Yes sir, I have credit on my phone"

"No thank you sir/madam. Please do not give me money. I am just doing my job"

"Apologies for being a little early for our meeting. Don't worry, I'll wait in reception"

"No, I do not mind forming a queue as I came here after you..."

"Sorry did not mean to flash you, of course we can talk using my credit"

"Don't worry, we can get u to any of the nearest hospitals and they'll be able to fix u up"

"We are going to have a party/night vigil tonight. We might be a bit noisy but dont worry, we will close before midnight."

"He is ON seat!"

"On today's financial news, the Naira is now 1 to 1 with the British pound"

Sunday, June 10, 2007

Recommended reading

Recommended reading; Online and Offline

From the man who ''almost killed''
Patrice Lumumba
I've just finished reading 'Chief of station, Congo' by ex CIA agent, Larry Delvin. Delvin was the head of the CIA station in the Congo in the sixties. His book recounts the events at the time of Congo's independence from Belgium, the death of Patrice Lumumba (Congo's first prime minister) and the emergence of Mobutu (who ruled the country for over 30 years).
Delvin attempts to justify America's 'intervention' in the Congo by claiming Lumumba was under the influence of the soviet union and claims America had to use all 'means at its disposal to block all attempts by the USSR to infiltrate, subvert, influence and dominate key areas of Africa.'
Even though he claims the CIA had nothing to do with Lumumba's death, he was ordered by Washington to find a way of getting rid of Lumumba.

He did a bad job convincing me the CIA had nothing to do with Lumumba's death, in fact it left me with the vague feeling that the CIA had a lot to do with all the upheavals happening all over the continent.

Another OFN from OBJ.
Back in the 70s when Obj launched OFN (Operation Feed the Nation), Nigerians nicknamed the scheme Obasanjo Fools the Nation.
Fastforward some twenty something years later and it seems Obj has done another OFN, this time Obasanjo has Fleeced the Nation.
From the news:
The Amazing Wealth Of OBJ
He had a bank balance of N20,000 in 1999. But after eight years as Nigeria’s President, Chief Olusegun Obasanjo will literally spend his retirement sitting on a mint, courtesy of some hugely controversial investments and land acquisitions.

The scots employ the Mail to do the dirty on naija ; - )
From the sunday Mail:
The hidden truth behind Nigeria's £250M fight for Commonwealth Games
Nigeria's sports minister Bala Kaole reckons their bid is "in the bag".He even believes he has convinced the judging team Abuja is safer and more prosperous than Glasgow.
But airbrushed out of their glossy and colourful campaign is the plight of thousands of ordinary Africans made homeless and left poverty-stricken by the Nigerian government's obession with making Abuja the jewel in the crown.

When oil fuels a nightmare instead of a dream
Time Magazine:
Africa's Oil Dreams
Angola, Nigeria and Gabon. The oil industries in each are at markedly different stages. Angola's is in its first explosive flush of production, with gdp expected to grow 27% this year. Nigeria is in its prime, ranking as the world's 12th largest producer in 2006. Gabon's wells are slowly drying up. Together, these three nations trace an evolving arc of oil's effect on Africa and the world, of both its promise and its perils.

Finally.. An Oldie but a goodie ; - )

This is a country where anything can happen
'How to be a Nigerian' was written by Peter Enahoro in 1966, since then a lot has changed but much of what he said in the book still applies today.

Reuben Abati's 2003 article, 'How To Be A Nigerian', can be described as an updated version of the book.

"To remain sane as a Nigerian, you must be religious. And you must advertise your piety. Sleep in the church. Proclaim your religiousity from the rooftops. Mention God's name in every conversation. In a land where there is so much madness, religion offers you the only opportunity to cling on to a measure of holiness. It is the only way to remind yourself that you are human after all, and that there is something that you still believe in."

"If you are unable to cope, perhaps you may consider the option of exile. There are many Nigerians abroad eking out a living as economic refugees. Unable to cope with the many disasters of life in the country of their birth, they have fled to other countries where there is less stress and shock. To be a Nigerian, you must ordinarily learn to live with shock. This is a country where anything can happen."
The full Article

Thursday, June 07, 2007

The Prisoner of Aso rock

Obj may have left Aso rock but he definitely left his 'agbada' behind. Apart from ensuring he remained the head of his party, he has ensured that his favoured candidates and allies were elected as president of the senate and as speaker of the house of representatives.
He obviously needs his allies to keep an eye on the new government. Who knows, Yar'Adua may develop delusions of grandeur and conveniently forget how he got to power.

In Naija, it's hard to trust a man in power, the powerbrokers that helped Obj in 1999 found that out not too long after he moved in to Aso rock. So i suppose Obj is ensuring he has all bases covered.
Yar'Adua may argue that he has a mind of his own and he is not a puppet, but in reality he is a prisoner. A prisoner to the forces that got him into power.
The signs are already there: exhibit A - Ahmadu Ali Dares FCDA
Dr. Ahmadu Ali [PDP chairman] yesterday dared the Federal Capital Development Authority (FCDA) by starting the reconstruction of one of the houses, demolished by the Development Control department of the FCDA.[snip]

Vanguard gathered that the [demolition] exercise had to stop following an instruction from above as it may not augur well for the new administration of Yar'adua to begin with an unpopular agenda of demolition especially that of the Chairman of a party that made it smooth for him to win the primaries amidst the array of aspirants under the platform of PDP for the number one position of the land.

Coming slightly later than expected : - )
Heres the second part of A Post sElection Analysis
A Post sElection Analysis 2

David Mark is new senate president
Who said lying and stealing doesn't get you anywhere, it certainly gets you far in naija, to the number 3 position if you play your cards right.

What to expect:
Well he won't be needing that 6 million pounds frozen in his accounts ; - )

What NOT to expect:
Any debate on how a public officer ended up with 6 million pounds in his personal account

Patricia Foluke Etteh is new Speaker of the house of representatives
I have to be very careful here as she is wifey's aunty ; - ), but the fact remains that she only got the job because she is "extremely" close to Obasanjo and supported his third term agenda.

What to expect:
Will ensure Obasanjo's interests are well protected

What NOT to expect:

ijebuman sending a congratulatory message : - )

Akala, Orji and Uba

Christopher Alao-Akala is the "new" Governor of Oyo state. This is his second reincarnation as governor of Adedibu Kingdom. His first attempt ended when his impeached boss was returned to power by the supreme court.
Akala has shown to his master, by prostrating flat on the ground after he was sworn in as governor, that he will be an obedient servant, but not to the people of Oyo state.
What to expect:
More rolling around and prostration to his political godfather - Lamidi Adedibu

What NOT to expect:
A crisis free Oyo state

T.A Orji is the new Governor of Abia state.

He was 'elected' while in detention, sworn in before may 29 while out on bail and now there are half naked pictures of him at a shrine all over the web (could be fake but who knows).
The whole situation is like a badly acted Nollywood movie

What to expect:
Many more trips to 'Okija shrine' when things turn sour with his political masters

What NOT to expect:
Any investigation into Abia state's finances under Kalu

Andy Uba is the new Governor of Anambra state

Uba was Obj's Senior Special Assistant on Domestic Affairs, brother of Chris Uba (the notorious political godfather of Anambra state) and a regular feature on saharareporters (which uncovered his involvement in money smuggling)

Read more about Uba on his wikipedia entry -
And his reponse to the 'money laundering allegations' -

What to expect:
All lies and no action

What NOT to expect:
A scandal/corruption free tenure

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Denial of denial

I had nothing better to do today so i watched Yar'Adua's inauguration ceremony on Ben TV (it was either that or the usual trash on daytime tv) .
After the ceremony, the station cut back to a studio panel, i don't know what i was expecting but i was really disappointed with the stuff i heard, the discussion, the phone calls, everything was all about us moving forward and everyone hoping that Yar'adua will sort everything out, oh and everyone made a point of reminding us that this was naija's first successful hand over of power from one civilian govt to the other as if that changed the facts about the elections.

There was a bit of a faux pas from BEN TV's Alistair Soyode (who is also the owner of the station) who got slightly carried away and described today as "Nigeria's 47th independence anniversary as well as Yar'adua's inauguration".
Not that anyone noticed with all the high-fiving and backslapping going on in the studio.
but i digress..
what really got me was that some people even defended the whole electoral process that threw up Yar’Adua, by using Obj's lame excuse that our nation is still young and we shouldn't compare ourselves to western countries.
I agree we shouldn't compare ourselves to western countries as they've obviously had many years of practice but whom should we compare ourselves to? We could start with Ghana or if that’s too far away how about Rep of Benin, which had similar elections last year, an election regarded as free and fair. (Rep of Benin also got its independence in 1960)

Like a friend jokingly said, we Nigerians suffer from 'denial of denial', according to wikipedia it's a process that involves thoughts, actions and behaviours which bolster confidence that nothing needs to be changed in one's personal behaviour. This form of denial typically overlaps with all of the other forms of denial, but involves more self-delusion..

meanwhile sorry for the break in transmission it was due to an anomaly in the space time continuum, Please stay tuned as we now return you to our normal 'state of denial' where Nigeria is the giant of Africa and the happiest country on earth..

Almost forgot about this, courtesy of Solomonsydelle:

The Nigerian Proclamation

In recent history, Nigerians have been overwhelmingly betrayed by those charged with addressing their needs. Instead of serving the people, public servants have served themselves to the detriment of the masses. The result is a nation lacking adequate infrastructure, organisation and security.

The ineffectiveness of Nigerian leaders indicates a lack of accountability to their constituents. Nigerians are no longer relevant to their leaders, thus, leaders do not feel responsible to them.

From this day, all Nigerians are responsible for the future of this great & powerful country. Consequently, all Nigerians must commit themselves to the following:

1. We must demand that elected officials be held accountable for their actions and in-actions.

2. We must expect democratic principles to be honoured, respected and maintained.

3. We must believe that all Nigerians are equal under the law and should be treated as such.

4. We must apply ourselves to improving the lot of every individual Nigerian regardless of gender, religion, tribe or social status.

5. We must strive to maintain a united republic despite our differences.

Only upon achieving these principles can we as a people fully live up to our potential as a land of greatness. For ours is a country renowned for its illustrious people, ample resources and sheer physical beauty.

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

A petty, quarrelsome and insecure old man

"a petty, quarrelsome and insecure old man presiding over the affairs of a complex entity as Nigeria."
Abubakar Atiku (in response to Obj's accusations)

Now i've always said Naija politics creates strange bedfellows, who would have thought i'll be using a quote from Atiku as a blog header lol.

I have to give it to Atiku he definitely knows how to defend himself in a 'rofo rofo' (dirty) fight. Don't get me wrong i'm no fan of the vice president, but if there was an award for bravery in the face of repeated 'assaults' i'll give it to him [i'll also give him the award for corruption and the award for turncoat and betrayal, but thats not the point here, is it? : - )]

Obasanjo kicked off the latest round of fighting by accusing Atiku of employing 'jazz' against him, i can't really be bothered quoting obj here as it's really pathetic (see newsreport). I don't know if anyone has noticed how regularly obj uses sentences like 'a fight to finish' or 'do or die', i suppose once a military man always a military man
but i digress
Atiku quickly responded describing obj as a psychotic bastard (ok my interpretation lol)
who needs nollywood when we can enjoy reality TV from Aso rock

At this stage i doubt if there is anyone who is shocked or embarrassed about this current episode of 'washing your dirty linen in public'. In most countries it would be a national embarrassment for the president and his vice president to trade filthy insults in public, but this is naija where the concept of national embarrassment is as alien as organising a free and fair election.

Thursday, May 10, 2007

Naija DemoCrazy for 'Dummies'

A friend wanted to know about naija's democracy, so i've decided to do a dummies style
tongue-in-cheek explanation of democracy naija style.

According to the 1999 constitution (
which is sometimes used as a "guide" and is probably used as a door stopper in the presidential villa) Nigeria is a "democracy" and operates a presidential system of government where there's a true separation of powers (i.e Executive, Legislature and the Judiciary)

The Executive
Since the constitution is just a guide, the president doesn't bother reading it and regards himself as the all knowing leader. In naija's
DemoCrazy, the president is next to 'God' and the exercise of his power is seen as "God's will".
Anyone challenging his authority is regarded as an enemy of the state.

The Legislature
This arm of government spends most of its time sharing out 'Ghana must go bags' (i.e large bags of money) which is sent by the executive to ensure the legislature rubber stamps all laws. It also ensures the legislature doesn't get any funny ideas (like debating and enacting laws or starting impeachment proceedings)

The Judiciary
This arm of government is always ignored as it tends to take the 1999 constitution seriously.

The Opposition
in politics the opposition is usually an organised political group that serves to offer opposing views to the government. In the naija context, they are regarded as 'enemies of the state' made up of 'disgruntled elements', 'frustrated' politicians, unpaid contractors, ex government officials and anybody who has a bad word to say about the president.

Naijas don't elect their politicians directly. Instead, the ruling party 'selects' them.
Voter turnout tends to be low but the ruling party always manages to win by a landslide with a result that reflects 100% voter turnout.

for constitutional terms click here

Breaking the law
Not only are naija politicians bad losers they are also bad winners.
Check out the whole charade going on in Lagos state, three weeks to the end of his term Tinubu has decided to get rid of his deputy - Femi Pedro (who has now resigned, according to news reports, his resignation letter was thrown on the ground outside the governor's office when government officials refused to accept the letter)

and what exactly was Pedro's crime?
He broke an unwritten law of Naija's DemoCrazy, a deputy shall not covet his oga's position.

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

naija's 'village people'

There's a funny video doing the rounds of a prank played on a naija scammer who is persuaded to perform (and record) along with his friends 'Y.M.C.A' by the village people


you can check out the back story to the whole scam here

saddest part of it all is the con is still on and the poor sod still has no clue (and actually thinks the emails are from George W Bush)

Thursday, May 03, 2007

Anyone still interested??

For anyone still interested in naija politics
The current edition of The Economist has the usual post election article on naija
Big men, big fraud and big trouble

was about to skip through the article when this caught my attention
Progress by saxophone
Nigerian politics does not have to be like this. Given a chance, good state governors do emerge. In Cross Rivers, for instance, on the border with Cameroon, Donald Duke has effected an impressive transformation over the past eight years.

In the state capital, Calabar, the streets have no pot-holes. According to the state government, every village is connected to the national grid and everyone has access to clean water. There is almost no litter. Remarkably, instead of the fleet of blacked-out SUVs that normally idle outside governors' offices, ready to whisk the big man a few hundred metres down the road, outside Mr Duke's office stand brand new garbage lorries from Germany.

Moreover, Cross Rivers has no oil wealth. Mr Duke has achieved all this on a fraction of the money available to his neighbours. Instead, he has frozen official salaries, cleverly exploited existing resources and taken on debt. In partnership with private investors, he is also responsible for Tinapa, the largest retail and business development in west Africa. It contains several new giant studios to grab a large slice of the $200m-300m a year “Nollywood” film industry, which churns out, by some estimates, more films than either of its rivals in Los Angeles or Bombay.

The other key to the state's success is Mr Duke's love of the saxophone. Every Sunday evening he performs in his house with his band. And instead of trying to micro-manage his succession, rig the state elections and prepare for endless court battles, when he leaves office at the end of May Mr Duke is going off to America for a music course. It is an unusual example of a politician who is willing to let go.

Re: Obj's CRIBs

It's good to see that Dare Obasanjo has at least acknowledged on his blog that the caption on the 'servant' picture was wrong. I'll cut him a bit of slack and will not make any further comments, as it distracts me from my regular Obj bashing and there's only about 27 days left for that..

meanwhile looks like there's a full blown war going on at Grandiose Parlor ; - )
Been so long...
for all you lovers of 80s quiet storm (in the uk)
Anita Baker is back in London, she's performing at the Royal Albert Hall on June 26 2007

Her last concert in London was in july 2005 and it was one of the best concerts i had ever attended.
it had to be as i ended up meeting her personally
; - ) see Anita Baker Concert 2005