Lagos pipeline blast kills scores
At least 260 people have been killed and 60 injured in an oil pipeline blast in Nigeria's commercial capital, Lagos, Nigerian Red Cross (NRC) officials say...
Another shameful event, but I guess when people suffer from IPG (ignorance, poverty and greed) with a touch of mental illness called "god dey" what do you expect?
Meanwhile as if to prove that disasters in Nigeria or even Africa barely register on the international news radar, the most popular story on the BBC news website is about Pregnant Germans seeking cash bonus, apparently parents of babies born on or after 1 January in Germany will be entitled to up to 25,200 euros (£16,911, $33,300) to ease the financial burden of parenthood. (damn person don miss road come this country o)
but i digress
if people have stopped caring, its probably because it seems normal for people in Nigeria to die from:
a. An oil pipeline blast
b. A Plane crash
c. A Collapsed building
d. A Car or Bus accident
e. A Bomb explosion
f. Armed robbery
g. Religious riots
h. Political assassinations
i. Fake drugs
..
No wonder life expectancy has dropped to 47, with any of the above scenarios a likelihood in the life of the average nigerian, it'll be a miracle if anyone actually lives to a pensionable age
Wednesday, December 27, 2006
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
political recycling
Recycling may be good for the environment but political recycling is definitely not good for the nigerian environment. In the run up to the 2007 elections corrupt and discredited politicians and their godfathers have been sharing out positions as if it's their birth right.
With most of the primaries out of the way we finally have a clearer picture of what things will be like when Obj's term ends next year. The prognosis is not good; it's the same characters now playing different roles.
You have the likes of Tinubu playing Godfather in Lagos and imposing a candidate on his party (Action congress is so going to lose the election in Lagos state). You have Andy Uba (a modern day Festus Okotie Eboh) gunning for the governorship of Anambra state. Oyo state should be an interesting case now that Ladoja is back.
But i digress, at least IBB has been neutralised for now, i said in an earlier post that he could never be president because Obj doesn't trust him, but i wouldn't celebrate yet as he may still have some tricks up his sleeve.
Goodluck indeed...
Surely this man must have a good luck charm, Jonathan Goodluck must be the luckiest politician in Nigeria (apart from Obj). He was deputy governor of his state, and then as luck will have it, his boss was impeached and he became governor. Now he is running mate to the next president (the election is just for show, we all know the result), all without spending anything close to the millions the likes of Odili et al have spent on their presidential campaign.
What worries me about this guy apart from the money laundering accusation against his wife, is that he seems like an opportunist. He has never really been subject to the rigours of an election, he has got to where he is by sheer goodluck (so i guess his name really means something..)
At this rate if his luck doesn't run out, he could even become president a lot sooner than he expects, if Yar'adua kaputs due to kidney failure (lets face it he is going to need more than a dialysis machine to survive the next 4 years ruling naija) then guess who steps into his shoes?
With most of the primaries out of the way we finally have a clearer picture of what things will be like when Obj's term ends next year. The prognosis is not good; it's the same characters now playing different roles.
You have the likes of Tinubu playing Godfather in Lagos and imposing a candidate on his party (Action congress is so going to lose the election in Lagos state). You have Andy Uba (a modern day Festus Okotie Eboh) gunning for the governorship of Anambra state. Oyo state should be an interesting case now that Ladoja is back.
But i digress, at least IBB has been neutralised for now, i said in an earlier post that he could never be president because Obj doesn't trust him, but i wouldn't celebrate yet as he may still have some tricks up his sleeve.
Goodluck indeed...
Surely this man must have a good luck charm, Jonathan Goodluck must be the luckiest politician in Nigeria (apart from Obj). He was deputy governor of his state, and then as luck will have it, his boss was impeached and he became governor. Now he is running mate to the next president (the election is just for show, we all know the result), all without spending anything close to the millions the likes of Odili et al have spent on their presidential campaign.
What worries me about this guy apart from the money laundering accusation against his wife, is that he seems like an opportunist. He has never really been subject to the rigours of an election, he has got to where he is by sheer goodluck (so i guess his name really means something..)
At this rate if his luck doesn't run out, he could even become president a lot sooner than he expects, if Yar'adua kaputs due to kidney failure (lets face it he is going to need more than a dialysis machine to survive the next 4 years ruling naija) then guess who steps into his shoes?
paranoia or bullshit - Part Deux
see paranoia or bullshit (nov 17)
definitely bullshit...
Jr's passport arrived early this month but i am still pissed off at the behaviour of the passport office.
here's a brief recap of events (in what i'll like to call "double standards at the passport office")
Sent jr's passport app to passport office.
O, British born nigerian friend of 20 years is signatory.
Passport office writes to O, asking for further information and tell him to respond on "business headed paper".
O calls to complain about the "business headed paper" bit.
Don't know who he speaks to, but the person agrees that he can use plain paper.
Passport office sends form back to me, refuses to accept O as signatory as he refused to comply with the "business headed paper" request.
I call passport office to complain.
Passport office refuses to budge and tells me to find another signatory.
I'm really pissed off now but hold my peace (as we have a family holiday planned).
I decide to use a very good pal G.
G is white, I reckon lets see what modern day britain is like.
Junior's passport arrives a week after i sent application back.
Called G to find out if passport office asked him to do anything.
G laughs saying no one contacted him.
O is pissed...
Now i have my own theories as to why the passport office has behaved this way but i wanted to hear what they had say, so i fire off the following:
-------------------------
My complaint is about the way the Newport Passport office handled my son's passport application. I used a close friend of 20 years, Mr O as signatory on the passport application. He was sent a letter from the passport office dated xx/xx/2006 asking him further questions about me and was asked to "reply on business headed paper".
He called up the passport office and informed them he was unable to respond on any business headed paper as he was providing a personal reference not an official one. The person he spoke to agreed he could respond on a plain sheet of paper.
Some days later the passport office sent me a letter dated xx/xx/2006 and a new form asking me to provide a new signatory as Mr O "does not appear to meet the conditions for doing so"
I called the phone number on the letter and spoke to a Mrs R, who explained that Mr O refused to provide a reference on "business headed paper", she put me through to her supervisor who suggested that if Mr O complies with the request then the application will proceed.
I explained to Mrs R's supervisor that Mr O works for a financial institution and can not use his company's letterhead as his HR department will not allow it.
As a compromise i suggested that Mr O could get a covering letter from his company, but this offer was refused by Mrs R's supervisor.
I had no choice but to use another signatory, Mr G.
When my son's passport arrived last week, i called up G to confirm if the passport office had asked him to provide any letter and he told me no one had contacted him.
I find the way the passport office has handled this matter strange. A friend who has known me for over 20 years was not acceptable while someone who has known me for just 4 years is acceptable. Mr O was asked to produce a "business headed paper" while Mr G was not even contacted.
I am not going to jump to any conclusions here, but it is hard for anyone to convince me that the only reason why the passport office has handled this matter this way is because Mr O is black and Nigerian (British born Nigerian i should add) while Mr G is white.
[snip]
----------------------------
Its kind of bizarre that the passport office will encourage someone to use their employer's letterhead to give a personal reference, its actually a sackable offence in many companies. G was not asked to confirm anything, it seems his whiteness was enough criteria for the passport office (G said it not me lol)
I'm expecting the usual standard reply, full of the usual bullshit but they'll be making a very serious mistake if they think i'm not going to take this matter further.
definitely bullshit...
Jr's passport arrived early this month but i am still pissed off at the behaviour of the passport office.
here's a brief recap of events (in what i'll like to call "double standards at the passport office")
Sent jr's passport app to passport office.
O, British born nigerian friend of 20 years is signatory.
Passport office writes to O, asking for further information and tell him to respond on "business headed paper".
O calls to complain about the "business headed paper" bit.
Don't know who he speaks to, but the person agrees that he can use plain paper.
Passport office sends form back to me, refuses to accept O as signatory as he refused to comply with the "business headed paper" request.
I call passport office to complain.
Passport office refuses to budge and tells me to find another signatory.
I'm really pissed off now but hold my peace (as we have a family holiday planned).
I decide to use a very good pal G.
G is white, I reckon lets see what modern day britain is like.
Junior's passport arrives a week after i sent application back.
Called G to find out if passport office asked him to do anything.
G laughs saying no one contacted him.
O is pissed...
Now i have my own theories as to why the passport office has behaved this way but i wanted to hear what they had say, so i fire off the following:
-------------------------
My complaint is about the way the Newport Passport office handled my son's passport application. I used a close friend of 20 years, Mr O as signatory on the passport application. He was sent a letter from the passport office dated xx/xx/2006 asking him further questions about me and was asked to "reply on business headed paper".
He called up the passport office and informed them he was unable to respond on any business headed paper as he was providing a personal reference not an official one. The person he spoke to agreed he could respond on a plain sheet of paper.
Some days later the passport office sent me a letter dated xx/xx/2006 and a new form asking me to provide a new signatory as Mr O "does not appear to meet the conditions for doing so"
I called the phone number on the letter and spoke to a Mrs R, who explained that Mr O refused to provide a reference on "business headed paper", she put me through to her supervisor who suggested that if Mr O complies with the request then the application will proceed.
I explained to Mrs R's supervisor that Mr O works for a financial institution and can not use his company's letterhead as his HR department will not allow it.
As a compromise i suggested that Mr O could get a covering letter from his company, but this offer was refused by Mrs R's supervisor.
I had no choice but to use another signatory, Mr G.
When my son's passport arrived last week, i called up G to confirm if the passport office had asked him to provide any letter and he told me no one had contacted him.
I find the way the passport office has handled this matter strange. A friend who has known me for over 20 years was not acceptable while someone who has known me for just 4 years is acceptable. Mr O was asked to produce a "business headed paper" while Mr G was not even contacted.
I am not going to jump to any conclusions here, but it is hard for anyone to convince me that the only reason why the passport office has handled this matter this way is because Mr O is black and Nigerian (British born Nigerian i should add) while Mr G is white.
[snip]
----------------------------
Its kind of bizarre that the passport office will encourage someone to use their employer's letterhead to give a personal reference, its actually a sackable offence in many companies. G was not asked to confirm anything, it seems his whiteness was enough criteria for the passport office (G said it not me lol)
I'm expecting the usual standard reply, full of the usual bullshit but they'll be making a very serious mistake if they think i'm not going to take this matter further.
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
Tis the season...
its not just the season to be jolly, its the season for naija bashing. This time it's stateside where ABC did a feature on "Nigerian scams", featuring some gullible Americans and of course some Nigerians caught in the act on camera.
http://abcnews.go.com/Video/playerIndex?id=2705157
http://abcnews.go.com/Video/playerIndex?id=2712350
its unfortunate that honest hardworking naijas like myself have to share a country with some of these people but i can only hope that we're getting to a point where we all realise that the actions of a small minority is gradually defining the national character of all Nigerians.
That realisation will hopefully lead to a major change in how we perceive these crimes in our society.
But what about the so called gullible "innocent victims" (who are usually white), with all the noise made about 419 frauds why do they still fall for these scams ? I suppose the answer to this question lies in the recent report by chatham house on Nigerian-Related financial crime which suggests that:
"scam victims are led by a conscious or subconscious white Western sense of racial superiority. The fraudsters play on the enduring myth of African infantilism and simplemindedness: a European who believes in this might find it unremarkable that a Nigerian holding tens of millions of dollars would be clueless about what to do with it. In such circumstances, what could be more natural than to turn to the clever white person for help?"
-----------------------------------------
50p for a dollar
ok i'm not a currency speculator but as a correct ijebu man (who can smell a good bargain from a mile away) i am caught up in the 'excitement' of the dollar hitting the 50p mark (i suppose £1 for $2 sounds much better)
anyway whats my own self, its not that i can hit NYC this xmas for some serious retail therapy. (i hate shopping but there must be something in the air in New York that turns me into a shopping freak).
I want to go but wifey no 'gree as she wants to go too, which means jr goes. My argument that it is not a 'holiday' but a 'shopping trip' did not convince her. Whats the point of spending so much money on accommodation (as wifey will never stay in a cheap hotel/hostel), when we could spend it in Macys.
Abi its not as if we haven't been to New York before, but as the experts keep saying marriage is all about compromise, so i have compromised..
so here i am on a soggy tuesday afternoon reminiscing about New York while every man and his dog is heading over there...
http://abcnews.go.com/Video/playerIndex?id=2705157
http://abcnews.go.com/Video/playerIndex?id=2712350
its unfortunate that honest hardworking naijas like myself have to share a country with some of these people but i can only hope that we're getting to a point where we all realise that the actions of a small minority is gradually defining the national character of all Nigerians.
That realisation will hopefully lead to a major change in how we perceive these crimes in our society.
But what about the so called gullible "innocent victims" (who are usually white), with all the noise made about 419 frauds why do they still fall for these scams ? I suppose the answer to this question lies in the recent report by chatham house on Nigerian-Related financial crime which suggests that:
"scam victims are led by a conscious or subconscious white Western sense of racial superiority. The fraudsters play on the enduring myth of African infantilism and simplemindedness: a European who believes in this might find it unremarkable that a Nigerian holding tens of millions of dollars would be clueless about what to do with it. In such circumstances, what could be more natural than to turn to the clever white person for help?"
-----------------------------------------
50p for a dollar
ok i'm not a currency speculator but as a correct ijebu man (who can smell a good bargain from a mile away) i am caught up in the 'excitement' of the dollar hitting the 50p mark (i suppose £1 for $2 sounds much better)
anyway whats my own self, its not that i can hit NYC this xmas for some serious retail therapy. (i hate shopping but there must be something in the air in New York that turns me into a shopping freak).
I want to go but wifey no 'gree as she wants to go too, which means jr goes. My argument that it is not a 'holiday' but a 'shopping trip' did not convince her. Whats the point of spending so much money on accommodation (as wifey will never stay in a cheap hotel/hostel), when we could spend it in Macys.
Abi its not as if we haven't been to New York before, but as the experts keep saying marriage is all about compromise, so i have compromised..
so here i am on a soggy tuesday afternoon reminiscing about New York while every man and his dog is heading over there...
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
from the archives: a previous exchange with Tony Levene
Regarding my last post about the guardian's Tony Levene, below is the email i sent to him in 2003 as a result of his usual naija bashing. Unfortunately he still has not changed his ways, shame my ijebu jazz doesn't work on oyibos (yet)
----- Original Message -----
From: ijebuman
To: jobs.and.money@guardian.co.uk
Cc: letters@guardian.co.uk
Sent: Sunday, December 14, 2003 12:40 PM
Subject: Regarding Nigerians (Capital letters 13/12/2003)
Dear Tony Levene
I found your response to the letters from RD (from Nottingham) - 'Ignore this fake NatWest email' and BN (from Devon) '$41.5M offer is a fraud' in Jobs and Money (The Guardian 13/12/03) very offending.
I'm a regular Guardian reader and also a Nigerian. It's rather unfortunate that you could immediately assume that the Natwest email spam was "probably from Nigeria". I got this same email and traced it to the same site you mentioned and there was no evidence that this site was operated by Nigerians or from Nigeria.
A similar incident which affected Nationwide and Halifax (which i received as well) was traced to Russia (http://www.computercops.biz/article3829.html).
The second letter you responded to also suggests to the writer that its another Nigerian scam without any proof or evidence to back it up. I expect such reporting from papers like The Sun and Daily Mail not from The Guardian.
You might as well be telling all Guardian readers out there that all fraud is from Nigeria. What about online scams originating from Russia and some east european countries ? How about dodgy lottery companies operating from postal boxes in Canada etc
This is a worldwide phenomena and i find it quite strange that you should single out Nigeria without any iota of evidence. I do not deny that Nigeria is well known for 419 scams but as you could not provide any proof of where the scams came from how do you know they were from Nigeria ?
A lot of hard working honest Nigerians live in this country and a lot of us are doing a lot of work to reverse the negative image the country has gained as a result of the antics of a tiny minority. Sweeping comments like yours (with no backing EVIDENCE) only contributes to the false stereotypes associated with Nigerians.
Rather than doing some research and providing useful information, you have chosen to malign a nation of over a 100 million people.
I hope you have the guts to print this email or provide proof that the above scams were from Nigeria.
Yours Sincerely
------------------------------------------------------------
This was his response
----- Original Message -----
From:
To: ijebuman
Sent: Monday, December 15, 2003 12:50 PM
Subject: Re: Regarding Nigerians (Capital letters 13/12/2003)
You are right to be sensitive about this. And you are right to be offended
even though we have every reason to believe those behind this came from
Nigeria or neighbouring countries. We shall run your letter.
Tony Levene
--------------------
He never produced any evidence but he did print my letter in the guardian
my response
----- Original Message -----
From: ijebuman
To:
Sent: Monday, December 15, 2003 7:05 PM
Subject: Re: Regarding Nigerians (Capital letters 13/12/2003)
And i have every reason not to, You may have your opinions about Nigeria and
to be honest i don't really care about them however if you're going to make
sweeping statements at least produce backing evidence.
It's like the government's Iraqi dossier with the 45 minute claim. Provide
the evidence Mr Levene and then you can blame Nigeria/Nigerians for any
other crime you can think of.
Have a nice xmas
ijebuman
------------------------------
I get really pissed off with the way the likes of Levene label all Nigerians 'fraudsters', yes they are a few bad eggs amongst us but which country doesn't have them.
If all Nigerians committed fraud, the UK economy will probably collapse. I work for a FTSE 100 company and i'm in a position where if i was so inclined i could take my employers to the cleaners (and with my special ijebu jazz i go just disappear).
There are loads of naijas in similar positions, contributing their own quota to the UK economy, most of us will rather contribute to the Naija economy but unfortunately we're not in a position to do so.
----- Original Message -----
From: ijebuman
To: jobs.and.money@guardian.co.uk
Cc: letters@guardian.co.uk
Sent: Sunday, December 14, 2003 12:40 PM
Subject: Regarding Nigerians (Capital letters 13/12/2003)
Dear Tony Levene
I found your response to the letters from RD (from Nottingham) - 'Ignore this fake NatWest email' and BN (from Devon) '$41.5M offer is a fraud' in Jobs and Money (The Guardian 13/12/03) very offending.
I'm a regular Guardian reader and also a Nigerian. It's rather unfortunate that you could immediately assume that the Natwest email spam was "probably from Nigeria". I got this same email and traced it to the same site you mentioned and there was no evidence that this site was operated by Nigerians or from Nigeria.
A similar incident which affected Nationwide and Halifax (which i received as well) was traced to Russia (http://www.computercops.biz/article3829.html).
The second letter you responded to also suggests to the writer that its another Nigerian scam without any proof or evidence to back it up. I expect such reporting from papers like The Sun and Daily Mail not from The Guardian.
You might as well be telling all Guardian readers out there that all fraud is from Nigeria. What about online scams originating from Russia and some east european countries ? How about dodgy lottery companies operating from postal boxes in Canada etc
This is a worldwide phenomena and i find it quite strange that you should single out Nigeria without any iota of evidence. I do not deny that Nigeria is well known for 419 scams but as you could not provide any proof of where the scams came from how do you know they were from Nigeria ?
A lot of hard working honest Nigerians live in this country and a lot of us are doing a lot of work to reverse the negative image the country has gained as a result of the antics of a tiny minority. Sweeping comments like yours (with no backing EVIDENCE) only contributes to the false stereotypes associated with Nigerians.
Rather than doing some research and providing useful information, you have chosen to malign a nation of over a 100 million people.
I hope you have the guts to print this email or provide proof that the above scams were from Nigeria.
Yours Sincerely
------------------------------------------------------------
This was his response
----- Original Message -----
From:
To: ijebuman
Sent: Monday, December 15, 2003 12:50 PM
Subject: Re: Regarding Nigerians (Capital letters 13/12/2003)
You are right to be sensitive about this. And you are right to be offended
even though we have every reason to believe those behind this came from
Nigeria or neighbouring countries. We shall run your letter.
Tony Levene
--------------------
He never produced any evidence but he did print my letter in the guardian
my response
----- Original Message -----
From: ijebuman
To:
Sent: Monday, December 15, 2003 7:05 PM
Subject: Re: Regarding Nigerians (Capital letters 13/12/2003)
And i have every reason not to, You may have your opinions about Nigeria and
to be honest i don't really care about them however if you're going to make
sweeping statements at least produce backing evidence.
It's like the government's Iraqi dossier with the 45 minute claim. Provide
the evidence Mr Levene and then you can blame Nigeria/Nigerians for any
other crime you can think of.
Have a nice xmas
ijebuman
------------------------------
I get really pissed off with the way the likes of Levene label all Nigerians 'fraudsters', yes they are a few bad eggs amongst us but which country doesn't have them.
If all Nigerians committed fraud, the UK economy will probably collapse. I work for a FTSE 100 company and i'm in a position where if i was so inclined i could take my employers to the cleaners (and with my special ijebu jazz i go just disappear).
There are loads of naijas in similar positions, contributing their own quota to the UK economy, most of us will rather contribute to the Naija economy but unfortunately we're not in a position to do so.
the writing is on the wall
Going on from my rant yesterday about the horrible TV licence, it seems new technology may finally make the concept of the TV licence redundant. (i'm practically wetting myself with glee)
According to the sunday times:
The pace of change is threatening to make the historic television licence fee redundant, or at least unenforceable. Viewers currently need a licence only to view live broadcasts but not for catch-up or on-demand TV services, or those downloaded over the internet, regardless of how they are viewed.
Much of the output offered by BT’s new Vision service, and its competitors, can now be viewed without a licence. As viewers increasingly choose to watch on-demand, the licence fee will not apply.
“If your TV is not used to receive live TV programme services you do not need a licence,” said a spokesman for the Television Licensing Authority (TVLA). “But you would have to demonstrate that you were not using it to view programmes in this way. Each case is judged on its merits, but not having an aerial and not having the channels tuned in would help your case, for example.
“If someone with BT Vision could demonstrate they were not using it for live programmes then they would not need a licence.”
Dave Chilvers, chairman of Continental Research, a media analyst, said: Watching TV over the internet is on the rise and there will be a migration to the personal computer as the home’s main entertainment hub. With companies like BT and Channel 4 entering the market comes the question: if you don’t have a conventional TV, why should you pay the licence fee?”
Even if you did break the law by watching live television over the internet, it’s hard to see how the TVLA could police this. Detector vans are unable to track internet data — though the TVLA may be able to force your internet service provider to squeal on you.
read full article here
Dawn of a new television age
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/article/0,,2105-2481053.html
-------------------------------------------------
When "other" people commit fraud
This is how the guardian reports it
http://money.guardian.co.uk/scamsandfraud/story/0,,1961824,00.html
No mention of race or nationality , we can only assume the culprits are british and white. Now if na naija we all know how that report will be presented. The interesting thing is the report was written by Tony Levene (the guardian's money editor), whose favourite phrase is 'probably Nigerians' .
According to the sunday times:
The pace of change is threatening to make the historic television licence fee redundant, or at least unenforceable. Viewers currently need a licence only to view live broadcasts but not for catch-up or on-demand TV services, or those downloaded over the internet, regardless of how they are viewed.
Much of the output offered by BT’s new Vision service, and its competitors, can now be viewed without a licence. As viewers increasingly choose to watch on-demand, the licence fee will not apply.
“If your TV is not used to receive live TV programme services you do not need a licence,” said a spokesman for the Television Licensing Authority (TVLA). “But you would have to demonstrate that you were not using it to view programmes in this way. Each case is judged on its merits, but not having an aerial and not having the channels tuned in would help your case, for example.
“If someone with BT Vision could demonstrate they were not using it for live programmes then they would not need a licence.”
Dave Chilvers, chairman of Continental Research, a media analyst, said: Watching TV over the internet is on the rise and there will be a migration to the personal computer as the home’s main entertainment hub. With companies like BT and Channel 4 entering the market comes the question: if you don’t have a conventional TV, why should you pay the licence fee?”
Even if you did break the law by watching live television over the internet, it’s hard to see how the TVLA could police this. Detector vans are unable to track internet data — though the TVLA may be able to force your internet service provider to squeal on you.
read full article here
Dawn of a new television age
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/article/0,,2105-2481053.html
-------------------------------------------------
When "other" people commit fraud
This is how the guardian reports it
http://money.guardian.co.uk/scamsandfraud/story/0,,1961824,00.html
No mention of race or nationality , we can only assume the culprits are british and white. Now if na naija we all know how that report will be presented. The interesting thing is the report was written by Tony Levene (the guardian's money editor), whose favourite phrase is 'probably Nigerians' .
Monday, December 04, 2006
planet earth
The BBC documentary programme 'planet earth' has to be the best documentary series on TV at the moment.
I'm not a big fan of the BBC, i don't buy into all that crap about "quality programming" to justify the ridiculous tax we pay to them. However its good to see that some of the cash has been spent wisely and not all of our money has ended up in the pockets of their fat cat directors
Regardless, I still hate the TV licence and the only reason i pay it is because ... some bastard gave them my name. Its not really about the money, more about why do i have to pay for a channel i hardly watch. Wetin concern me with strictly come dancing, casualty, eastenders and the other crap they show. Ok i admit i watch Crimewatch from time to time but that's just to check out what 'awon boys' have been up to..
but i digress (phew I had to get that rant about the TV licence out of my system )
Last night's episode was about seasonal forests and the amazing trees that inhabit them. These forests are the lungs of the planet and they replenish the atmosphere with oxygen. A lot of the exceptional trees that grow in these forests are under threat. Many of them like the Bristlecone pines in California can live for about 5,000 years.
A particular specimen nicknamed "Methuselah" is estimated to be 4,700 years old (meaning this tree was around before Christ was born).
Another remarkable tree is the sequoia tree, the tallest tree in the world, it can reach a height of 115.5m (thats as high as a 30 storey building) and can live for over 2,000 years.
I saw a specimen at the Natural history museum here in London, it was cut down in the late 19th century and by then it was already 1,300 years old.
The point i'm trying to make here is, we live on a remarkable piece of real estate that we don't really appreciate, considering its the only habitable piece of rock in the solar system we need to take good care of it, not destroy it along with the remarkable creatures that share it with us.
Wednesday, November 29, 2006
Nigerian unwords
Some suggested words to add to the Nigerian vocabulary courtesy of unwords.com and examples of how they can be used in a Nigerian context.
007 du(b'?l-o--se(v'?n)
(n.) A license to kill; used in medical terminology when someone makes a mistake.
example: another name for the qualification the current crop of medical students (produced by our under funded teaching hospitals) will get.
404 (fôr-o--fôr)
(n.) A clueless person.
example: 90% of the Nigerian police force, 95% of our politicians
balkanize (bôl'k?-ni(z)
(v.) To divide a region into small parts much like the Balkans.
example: worst case scenario if project Nigeria fails
becusing (be--kyü-si(ng)
(adj.) Bemusing and confusing
example: events happening in Oyo, Anambra, Ekiti and Plateau states
blamestorming (bla-m'stôr'mi(ng)
(n.) A method of collectively finding one to blame for a mistake no one is willing to confess to.
example: what Nigerian government officials do whenever a disaster happens (in most cases God is the culprit)
bushspeak (bush-speek)
a. (n.) Language spoken by George W. Bush. Words used by an individual that are similar to the style of speech used by George W. Bush.
b. (adj.) Totally incomprehensible. A statement that does not make sense.
example: any statement by IBB and Borishade (ex Aviation minister)
dementocracy (di-men'tok'r?-se)
a. (n.) A society in which the most demented members rise to the top.
example: Nigeria
déjà foo (da-'zhä fü)
(n.) A mistake one has already seen or made once before.
example: will apply to the current crop of politicians who are making the same mistakes that ended the first and second republics
discrimihate (di(-skri(m'?-ha-t')
(v.) To set apart as being different and to place hate on at the same time.
example: Nigerians abroad (especially in the UK and US) admired and hated at the same time.
disremember (di(s'ri(-m?m'b?r)
(v.) To remember something incorrectly.
example: selective amnesia, what anyone supporting IBB is suffering from
FIMS
(acronym) Foot-In-Mouth Syndrome.
example: occurs when the mouth is engaged before the brain, afflicts obj regularly
glibido (gli-be'do)
a. (n.) All talk and no action.
example: methinks this will apply to almost every Nigerian i know lol
God Mob (God mob)
a. (n.) A large group of people who gather in a (usually predetermined) location, pray a brief prayer, give a shout of praise to the Lord, and then quickly disperse. Any group of people who attend a religious service.
example: 99.9999% of Nigerians
guesstimate (ge(s't?-mi(t')
(n.) A very basic guess on the solution to something.
(v.) ge(s't?-ma-t'. To estimate by guessing.
example: any official figure relating to Nigeria e.g population of Lagos
ideality (i-'de--a(l'i(-te-)
(n.) Frequently the opposite to reality. A dimension only spoken of in textbooks and lectures, and yet, while greatly desired, never seems to the case.
example: what every Nigerian hopes for Nigeria
irritainment (i(r'i(-ta-n'm?nt)
(n.) Entertainment that makes one irritated.
example: most nollywood films
undocumentioned (u(n-do(k'y?-me(n'sh?n'e(d)
(adj.) Describing something that is both undocumented and unmentionable.
example: Lagos traffic laws, planning laws, environmental laws etc
WMDs (du(b'?l-yü e(m de-s)
(n.pl.) Weapons of Mass Distraction.
example: EFCC, gradually becoming a tool for political blackmail against opponents while obj's cronies are left alone.
verbal-vomit (vûr'b?l-vo(m'i(t)
(n.) Spontaneous comments that make no sense, have no point, or are completely off the subject.(also known as diarrhoea of the mouth)
example: afflicts the likes of Sunny Okogwu (IBB's in law) who claimed oil belongs to the north
inspired by david dylan's excellent post 'Know your Nigerian Political Dictionary'
007 du(b'?l-o--se(v'?n)
(n.) A license to kill; used in medical terminology when someone makes a mistake.
example: another name for the qualification the current crop of medical students (produced by our under funded teaching hospitals) will get.
404 (fôr-o--fôr)
(n.) A clueless person.
example: 90% of the Nigerian police force, 95% of our politicians
balkanize (bôl'k?-ni(z)
(v.) To divide a region into small parts much like the Balkans.
example: worst case scenario if project Nigeria fails
becusing (be--kyü-si(ng)
(adj.) Bemusing and confusing
example: events happening in Oyo, Anambra, Ekiti and Plateau states
blamestorming (bla-m'stôr'mi(ng)
(n.) A method of collectively finding one to blame for a mistake no one is willing to confess to.
example: what Nigerian government officials do whenever a disaster happens (in most cases God is the culprit)
bushspeak (bush-speek)
a. (n.) Language spoken by George W. Bush. Words used by an individual that are similar to the style of speech used by George W. Bush.
b. (adj.) Totally incomprehensible. A statement that does not make sense.
example: any statement by IBB and Borishade (ex Aviation minister)
dementocracy (di-men'tok'r?-se)
a. (n.) A society in which the most demented members rise to the top.
example: Nigeria
déjà foo (da-'zhä fü)
(n.) A mistake one has already seen or made once before.
example: will apply to the current crop of politicians who are making the same mistakes that ended the first and second republics
discrimihate (di(-skri(m'?-ha-t')
(v.) To set apart as being different and to place hate on at the same time.
example: Nigerians abroad (especially in the UK and US) admired and hated at the same time.
disremember (di(s'ri(-m?m'b?r)
(v.) To remember something incorrectly.
example: selective amnesia, what anyone supporting IBB is suffering from
FIMS
(acronym) Foot-In-Mouth Syndrome.
example: occurs when the mouth is engaged before the brain, afflicts obj regularly
glibido (gli-be'do)
a. (n.) All talk and no action.
example: methinks this will apply to almost every Nigerian i know lol
God Mob (God mob)
a. (n.) A large group of people who gather in a (usually predetermined) location, pray a brief prayer, give a shout of praise to the Lord, and then quickly disperse. Any group of people who attend a religious service.
example: 99.9999% of Nigerians
guesstimate (ge(s't?-mi(t')
(n.) A very basic guess on the solution to something.
(v.) ge(s't?-ma-t'. To estimate by guessing.
example: any official figure relating to Nigeria e.g population of Lagos
ideality (i-'de--a(l'i(-te-)
(n.) Frequently the opposite to reality. A dimension only spoken of in textbooks and lectures, and yet, while greatly desired, never seems to the case.
example: what every Nigerian hopes for Nigeria
irritainment (i(r'i(-ta-n'm?nt)
(n.) Entertainment that makes one irritated.
example: most nollywood films
undocumentioned (u(n-do(k'y?-me(n'sh?n'e(d)
(adj.) Describing something that is both undocumented and unmentionable.
example: Lagos traffic laws, planning laws, environmental laws etc
WMDs (du(b'?l-yü e(m de-s)
(n.pl.) Weapons of Mass Distraction.
example: EFCC, gradually becoming a tool for political blackmail against opponents while obj's cronies are left alone.
verbal-vomit (vûr'b?l-vo(m'i(t)
(n.) Spontaneous comments that make no sense, have no point, or are completely off the subject.(also known as diarrhoea of the mouth)
example: afflicts the likes of Sunny Okogwu (IBB's in law) who claimed oil belongs to the north
inspired by david dylan's excellent post 'Know your Nigerian Political Dictionary'
Thursday, November 23, 2006
The "Others"
The others
If you're a fan, you'll know the group i'm talking about. The Others are the mysterious inhabitants of the fictional island in the American television series' Lost'. No one knows who they are, their true motives or agenda.
Back in the day, Seinfeld was one of my favourite shows on TV, it was also one of the most popular TV programs of the 1990s. The DVD collection for season 7 was released this week, normally i wouldn't have noticed but i did notice due to the publicity generated by one of the stars of the show, Michael Richards (who played Kramer on the show).
Apparently he launched into a 3 minute racist tirade at a couple of black hecklers at a comedy
club last friday. Unfortunately for him it was recorded and posted on youtube
Here's a brief transcript of what he said:
'Shut up, 50 years ago we'll have you upside down with a fork up your ass
you can talk, you can talk, you're brave now motherfucker
throw his ass out, he's a nigger, he's a nigger, he's a nigger
look there's a nigger'
[snip]
the full clip
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-T7uKvpzVXI
Richards has since apologised describing his outburst as one of "pure rage". In a statement he said "I'm deeply, deeply sorry... I'm not a racist. That's what's so insane about this."
Yeah right, we heard the same crap from Mel Gibson when he had diarrhoea of the mouth and made anti-Semitic remarks and not too long ago from Ron Atkinson after calling Chelsea player Marcel Desailly,"a fucking lazy thick nigger"
Why and what is Richards apologising for? its not as if he didn't mean what he said. The only reason he is apologising is because it got posted all over youtube, and the media picked up the story. It wasn't as if anyone cared, Richards still performed at the club the following night but because of the bad publicity the club has since stated that he is no longer welcome at the venue.
I don't even understand why anyone was shocked. Wake-up call, there are a lot of people out there who hate black people and there are a lot of people out there who share his views (some people in the audience were still laughing at what he was saying)
I have my own theory about it, you never truly know someone, until you've seen them angry or drunk. Once the layers of control is removed as a result of the intoxicating effects of alcohol or the effects of anger, the true person shows up (rather than their PR spokesperson) and sometimes the "real person" can be really scary and ugly.
I remember a couple of years ago i went out with some colleagues from work, we had a few drinks, and I then had to listen to the worst racist crap I had ever heard in my life. When i couldn't take it anymore i left. The shocking thing about that incident was not the racist comments; it was the 'silence' from the others who heard it, like the Richards incident some even found it funny.
Hiding behind political correctness
The whole 'Political Correctness' thing is creating a situation where people just suppress their true feelings. From time to time they find other avenues to express them, e.g. at elections.
I'm far more comfortable with the likes of Nick Griffin and his BNP posse; at least we know where they stand. They make no excuses about their hatred of foreigners (besides the BNP has promised to send all foreigners back to their home country for free and pay them a lump sum, i heard its around 20k, hey thats enough money to make me a chief in ijebuland lol)
Its the 'others' i'm concerned about, are they hiding their true feelings because it is politically correct to do so?
If you're a fan, you'll know the group i'm talking about. The Others are the mysterious inhabitants of the fictional island in the American television series' Lost'. No one knows who they are, their true motives or agenda.
Back in the day, Seinfeld was one of my favourite shows on TV, it was also one of the most popular TV programs of the 1990s. The DVD collection for season 7 was released this week, normally i wouldn't have noticed but i did notice due to the publicity generated by one of the stars of the show, Michael Richards (who played Kramer on the show).
Apparently he launched into a 3 minute racist tirade at a couple of black hecklers at a comedy
club last friday. Unfortunately for him it was recorded and posted on youtube
Here's a brief transcript of what he said:
'Shut up, 50 years ago we'll have you upside down with a fork up your ass
you can talk, you can talk, you're brave now motherfucker
throw his ass out, he's a nigger, he's a nigger, he's a nigger
look there's a nigger'
[snip]
the full clip
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-T7uKvpzVXI
Richards has since apologised describing his outburst as one of "pure rage". In a statement he said "I'm deeply, deeply sorry... I'm not a racist. That's what's so insane about this."
Yeah right, we heard the same crap from Mel Gibson when he had diarrhoea of the mouth and made anti-Semitic remarks and not too long ago from Ron Atkinson after calling Chelsea player Marcel Desailly,"a fucking lazy thick nigger"
Why and what is Richards apologising for? its not as if he didn't mean what he said. The only reason he is apologising is because it got posted all over youtube, and the media picked up the story. It wasn't as if anyone cared, Richards still performed at the club the following night but because of the bad publicity the club has since stated that he is no longer welcome at the venue.
I don't even understand why anyone was shocked. Wake-up call, there are a lot of people out there who hate black people and there are a lot of people out there who share his views (some people in the audience were still laughing at what he was saying)
I have my own theory about it, you never truly know someone, until you've seen them angry or drunk. Once the layers of control is removed as a result of the intoxicating effects of alcohol or the effects of anger, the true person shows up (rather than their PR spokesperson) and sometimes the "real person" can be really scary and ugly.
I remember a couple of years ago i went out with some colleagues from work, we had a few drinks, and I then had to listen to the worst racist crap I had ever heard in my life. When i couldn't take it anymore i left. The shocking thing about that incident was not the racist comments; it was the 'silence' from the others who heard it, like the Richards incident some even found it funny.
Hiding behind political correctness
The whole 'Political Correctness' thing is creating a situation where people just suppress their true feelings. From time to time they find other avenues to express them, e.g. at elections.
I'm far more comfortable with the likes of Nick Griffin and his BNP posse; at least we know where they stand. They make no excuses about their hatred of foreigners (besides the BNP has promised to send all foreigners back to their home country for free and pay them a lump sum, i heard its around 20k, hey thats enough money to make me a chief in ijebuland lol)
Its the 'others' i'm concerned about, are they hiding their true feelings because it is politically correct to do so?
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
Our opium
religion the opium of the masses - Karl Marx
My strong views about religion, especially when it comes to Nigerian pentecostal churches, makes quite a few of my friends and relations uncomfortable. To make matters worse i'm also quite vocal about it, so from time to time i get lectured about criticising "men of God" and the whole "touch not my anointed" crap.
Some of them have taken it upon themselves to try and "put me on the right path". They seem to have this strong need to make me conform to their belief system.
The other day someone gave me a book called 'Problems of Life - The Christian Perspective' by a Rev Bola Majekodunmi. It has an "interesting theory" about the reason behind the poor economic situation in Nigeria.
On Page 25 he states that:
'Our problem is not global recession, it all started in 1977
when we used God's oil money to promote and display demons of Africa under the
pretence of rich African culture, all nations of Africa brought their idols (He
is referring to the Festival of Arts and Culture, Festac 77 held in Nigeria in 1977), we built a town for them called Festac town and a big theatre, the capital expenses ran into millions of dollars.
God was up there, repenting he ever created us. There was no
time our government ever sponsored a gospel crusade.
[snip]
'The whole world has turned against us, threatening sanctions
all over, it is not that we don't have good government but the sins of our
fathers will not permit them to perform, the demons we invited have taken their
permanent residence here.'
At this point i stopped reading the book.
stumbled on this blog and its quite refreshing reading someone else's take on our obsession with religion.
My strong views about religion, especially when it comes to Nigerian pentecostal churches, makes quite a few of my friends and relations uncomfortable. To make matters worse i'm also quite vocal about it, so from time to time i get lectured about criticising "men of God" and the whole "touch not my anointed" crap.
Some of them have taken it upon themselves to try and "put me on the right path". They seem to have this strong need to make me conform to their belief system.
The other day someone gave me a book called 'Problems of Life - The Christian Perspective' by a Rev Bola Majekodunmi. It has an "interesting theory" about the reason behind the poor economic situation in Nigeria.
On Page 25 he states that:
'Our problem is not global recession, it all started in 1977
when we used God's oil money to promote and display demons of Africa under the
pretence of rich African culture, all nations of Africa brought their idols (He
is referring to the Festival of Arts and Culture, Festac 77 held in Nigeria in 1977), we built a town for them called Festac town and a big theatre, the capital expenses ran into millions of dollars.
God was up there, repenting he ever created us. There was no
time our government ever sponsored a gospel crusade.
[snip]
'The whole world has turned against us, threatening sanctions
all over, it is not that we don't have good government but the sins of our
fathers will not permit them to perform, the demons we invited have taken their
permanent residence here.'
At this point i stopped reading the book.
stumbled on this blog and its quite refreshing reading someone else's take on our obsession with religion.
Monday, November 20, 2006
The "billions" in Naija ???
Nigeria scams 'cost UK billions'
Financial crime in the UK stemming from Nigeria involves "billions of pounds" but not enough is being done to stop it, a report has concluded.
Internet scams, credit card fraud and money laundering are going unchecked by governments in both countries, research group Chatham House says.
Here we go again another round of Nigeria bashing, the BBC is reporting that Nigerian scams is costing the UK "billions" while this morning's metro had the headline Nigeria scams cost £150 million a year.
Sometimes i wonder if the BBC has it in for naija, reading the full report i didn't see any proof of the so called "billions". It seems the BBC has thrown objectivity away and gone the trashy tabloid route when it comes to reports about naija.
Its not that i'm surprised, they did the same thing with the real story.
Financial crime in the UK stemming from Nigeria involves "billions of pounds" but not enough is being done to stop it, a report has concluded.
Internet scams, credit card fraud and money laundering are going unchecked by governments in both countries, research group Chatham House says.
Here we go again another round of Nigeria bashing, the BBC is reporting that Nigerian scams is costing the UK "billions" while this morning's metro had the headline Nigeria scams cost £150 million a year.
Sometimes i wonder if the BBC has it in for naija, reading the full report i didn't see any proof of the so called "billions". It seems the BBC has thrown objectivity away and gone the trashy tabloid route when it comes to reports about naija.
Its not that i'm surprised, they did the same thing with the real story.
Sunday, November 19, 2006
I'm disgusted Part 2
I'm disgusted Part 1
disgust
To excite nausea or loathing in; sicken.
To offend the taste or moral sense of; repel.
n.
Profound aversion or repugnance excited by something offensive.
dis·gust·ed
adj.
Filled with disgust or irritated impatience.
-----------------------------------------
The nominees have changed but the feeling remains the same
I'm disgusted with (in no particular order)
Lagos state government
reason: for letting Lagos become a dump.
Bola Tinubu, governor of Lagos state (disgust x2)
reason: for that dumb ad on the radio praising him for doing a 'great' job as governor of Lagos. What great job?? (see my previous posts about the state of Lagos)
The lying, 'chicago certificate forging' S.O.B makes me sick. I hope he never smells another political position.
Omar al-Bashir, President of sudan
reason: Darfur
Kofi Annan
reason: lameduck UN secetary. He was Undersecretary-General for Peacekeeping Operations when the Rwandan genocide happened. According to Romeo Dallaire (UN commander in Rwanda during the genocide) in his book Shake Hands with the Devil: The Failure of Humanity in Rwanda Annan 'held back UN troops from intervening to settle the conflict and from providing more logistic and material support' which could have helped defend the Tutsis.
The same thing is now happening in Darfur
Jacob Zuma (former deputy president of south africa)
reason: for his reckless statements, especially about Aids . Unfortunately it's possible that he could become the next president of South Africa as he is very popular among the poor.
The idiots at ThisDay
reason: for spending a tonne of money to bring 'foreign talent' to naija (the october independence show) when we have enough local talent around. Tickets were going for about 25K naira (100K Naira for VIPs).
So the lowest priced ticket was about £100, Unbe'fucking'lievable !!!. The most i've ever paid to see a concert is £40 and that was Michael Jackson (in 96). I don't care if Beyonce and Jay Z were going to put on a live sex show, it was a complete waste of money, especially in a country like naija.
Lamidi Adedibu, Political Godfather in Oyo state
reason: for turning Oyo state into his personal fiefdom. I don't understand, how can one old man (he is almost 80) hold a whole state to ransom. The guy "appoints" or "removes" the governor depending on his mood. Can't someone give him "a cup of tea" or something to put him out of his misery.
I suggest the 'tea treatment' to all political Godfathers (Saraki in Kwara and that fool in Anambra) Its about time these people moved on and allowed fresh blood into the Nigerian political scene.
Anyone supporting IBB
reason: do i even have to give a fucking reason?
Do they hate Nigeria so much that they feel IBB should be inflicted on the country again.
Bisi Abiola, one of Abiola's wives (disgust x2)
reason: for supporting IBB
Condoleezza Rice, US Secretary of State
reason: US "foreign policy"
I don't have time for Bush, he has his hands full with his party's poor showing at the mid term polls. I just don't understand Condo, she's obviously very smart, so what is she doing with Bush et al?
Peddlers of Religion (especially of the 'pentecostal kind')
reason: for trying to suck me into their 'religious vortex'
I'm tired, you've already got my sisters and my wife, stay away from me or i'll use ijebu 'jazz' on you.
To be continued (soon)
disgust
To excite nausea or loathing in; sicken.
To offend the taste or moral sense of; repel.
n.
Profound aversion or repugnance excited by something offensive.
dis·gust·ed
adj.
Filled with disgust or irritated impatience.
-----------------------------------------
The nominees have changed but the feeling remains the same
I'm disgusted with (in no particular order)
Lagos state government
reason: for letting Lagos become a dump.
Bola Tinubu, governor of Lagos state (disgust x2)
reason: for that dumb ad on the radio praising him for doing a 'great' job as governor of Lagos. What great job?? (see my previous posts about the state of Lagos)
The lying, 'chicago certificate forging' S.O.B makes me sick. I hope he never smells another political position.
Omar al-Bashir, President of sudan
reason: Darfur
Kofi Annan
reason: lameduck UN secetary. He was Undersecretary-General for Peacekeeping Operations when the Rwandan genocide happened. According to Romeo Dallaire (UN commander in Rwanda during the genocide) in his book Shake Hands with the Devil: The Failure of Humanity in Rwanda Annan 'held back UN troops from intervening to settle the conflict and from providing more logistic and material support' which could have helped defend the Tutsis.
The same thing is now happening in Darfur
Jacob Zuma (former deputy president of south africa)
reason: for his reckless statements, especially about Aids . Unfortunately it's possible that he could become the next president of South Africa as he is very popular among the poor.
The idiots at ThisDay
reason: for spending a tonne of money to bring 'foreign talent' to naija (the october independence show) when we have enough local talent around. Tickets were going for about 25K naira (100K Naira for VIPs).
So the lowest priced ticket was about £100, Unbe'fucking'lievable !!!. The most i've ever paid to see a concert is £40 and that was Michael Jackson (in 96). I don't care if Beyonce and Jay Z were going to put on a live sex show, it was a complete waste of money, especially in a country like naija.
Lamidi Adedibu, Political Godfather in Oyo state
reason: for turning Oyo state into his personal fiefdom. I don't understand, how can one old man (he is almost 80) hold a whole state to ransom. The guy "appoints" or "removes" the governor depending on his mood. Can't someone give him "a cup of tea" or something to put him out of his misery.
I suggest the 'tea treatment' to all political Godfathers (Saraki in Kwara and that fool in Anambra) Its about time these people moved on and allowed fresh blood into the Nigerian political scene.
Anyone supporting IBB
reason: do i even have to give a fucking reason?
Do they hate Nigeria so much that they feel IBB should be inflicted on the country again.
Bisi Abiola, one of Abiola's wives (disgust x2)
reason: for supporting IBB
Condoleezza Rice, US Secretary of State
reason: US "foreign policy"
I don't have time for Bush, he has his hands full with his party's poor showing at the mid term polls. I just don't understand Condo, she's obviously very smart, so what is she doing with Bush et al?
Peddlers of Religion (especially of the 'pentecostal kind')
reason: for trying to suck me into their 'religious vortex'
I'm tired, you've already got my sisters and my wife, stay away from me or i'll use ijebu 'jazz' on you.
To be continued (soon)
Co-Sleeping
As first time parents, wifey and i are learning on the job, as regards to raising a child. Somewhere along the way it seems we've allowed Jr to determine the 'rules of engagement'. A few weeks ago, after a couple of sleepless nights in his moses basket, we sort of gave in and allowed him to sleep in our bed.
He has not left since then..
What's that saying 'two's a company, three's a crowd'. I love my boy but he is gradually turning into a 'passion killer'. So I've been devising some crafty ways of getting him out of our bed, then i stumbled on this article from the times -
He has not left since then..
What's that saying 'two's a company, three's a crowd'. I love my boy but he is gradually turning into a 'passion killer'. So I've been devising some crafty ways of getting him out of our bed, then i stumbled on this article from the times -
ONE of Britain’s leading experts on children’s
mental health has advised parents to reject years of convention and allow
children to sleep in bed with them until the age of five.
mental health has advised parents to reject years of convention and allow
children to sleep in bed with them until the age of five.
Margot Sunderland, director of education at the
Centre for Child Mental Health in London, says the practice, known as
“co-sleeping”, makes children more likely to grow up as calm, healthy
adults
Centre for Child Mental Health in London, says the practice, known as
“co-sleeping”, makes children more likely to grow up as calm, healthy
adults
.
forget ooo, there's no way i'm allowing him sleep in our bed till he is five.
Ok maybe for a few more weeks, better to sacrifice now than have to pay for therapy later, abi wetin man go do ?
Friday, November 17, 2006
Paranoia or Bullshit
Naija person dey suffer for this town, sometimes i just feel pissed off at the way every naija has to carry the can for all the fraudulent activities of a small number of our citizens. Its not as if i can change my name from ijebuman to blackburn man, besides i'll die first before i 'anglicise' my name.
Anyway i sent off Jr's UK passport application to the passport office, Since its his first pali (unfortunately he can only get the green one when he is 5), it has to be signed by a signatory who is a british citizen. I got my good pal O, whom i have known for over 20 years to sign it. I get plenty britico/naija friends but i knew O is like me and will not take crap from anyone if they decide to be 'funny'.
My peeps, as naija you have to be extra prepared, UK immigration authorities seem to have decided to apply different 'rules' when dealing with "all" nigerians. (lets not fool ourselves, we're all bloody 'foreigners', all those 'naija coconuts' out there just wait till the BNP gets into power ).
Anyway, i wasn't too surprised when O called to tell me he was sent a letter at work from the passport office, asking him "further questions" about my son's application. They wanted O to respond to the "further questions" on business headed paper.
We both laughed, abi wetin person go do now. O na investment banker and trust me he has to deal with a lot more 'shit' about naija than me, anyway he called them up and asked them to clarify the "business headed paper" part as he is shocked that they actually expect him to use his employer's stationery to respond to a personal matter. So O told them no way and of course the person he spoke to now said "it wasn't really necessary" and that plain paper will do.
I hate bullshit they should just come out and tell us these things. You know these "people" rather than come out and say the truth that they think all 'naija peeps' are fraudulent and can't be trusted, they try to use 'agbari'..
Or maybe i'm just having a bad day and being paranoid, and this 'policy' actually applies to everyone and not just naijas.
Somehow i doubt it, i've been in this town long enough to smell bullshit a mile away.
-----------------------
Whats de Koko??
Ok i'm ashamed to admit it but hey what the heck, i absolutely love that d'banj remix video/song tongolo it has finally toppled my other favourite youtube naija video/song i go chop your dollar
Wifey absolutely hates the song and she's not too happy that Jr is been exposed to such lyrics. Like i care, when she is 'exposing' him to her "jesu feran mi" naija music, i don't complain now, abeg if we wan 'hear about 'dekoko' let nobody spoil our fun jo.
Naija music is going through a major renaissance, with artists like Lagbaja leading the way. And the videos too are just getting better, Lagbaja's Never far away has to be one of the best.
meanwhile..
stumbled on this video by a guy called biglo (is this guy for real ???)
Anyway i sent off Jr's UK passport application to the passport office, Since its his first pali (unfortunately he can only get the green one when he is 5), it has to be signed by a signatory who is a british citizen. I got my good pal O, whom i have known for over 20 years to sign it. I get plenty britico/naija friends but i knew O is like me and will not take crap from anyone if they decide to be 'funny'.
My peeps, as naija you have to be extra prepared, UK immigration authorities seem to have decided to apply different 'rules' when dealing with "all" nigerians. (lets not fool ourselves, we're all bloody 'foreigners', all those 'naija coconuts' out there just wait till the BNP gets into power ).
Anyway, i wasn't too surprised when O called to tell me he was sent a letter at work from the passport office, asking him "further questions" about my son's application. They wanted O to respond to the "further questions" on business headed paper.
We both laughed, abi wetin person go do now. O na investment banker and trust me he has to deal with a lot more 'shit' about naija than me, anyway he called them up and asked them to clarify the "business headed paper" part as he is shocked that they actually expect him to use his employer's stationery to respond to a personal matter. So O told them no way and of course the person he spoke to now said "it wasn't really necessary" and that plain paper will do.
I hate bullshit they should just come out and tell us these things. You know these "people" rather than come out and say the truth that they think all 'naija peeps' are fraudulent and can't be trusted, they try to use 'agbari'..
Or maybe i'm just having a bad day and being paranoid, and this 'policy' actually applies to everyone and not just naijas.
Somehow i doubt it, i've been in this town long enough to smell bullshit a mile away.
-----------------------
Whats de Koko??
Ok i'm ashamed to admit it but hey what the heck, i absolutely love that d'banj remix video/song tongolo it has finally toppled my other favourite youtube naija video/song i go chop your dollar
Wifey absolutely hates the song and she's not too happy that Jr is been exposed to such lyrics. Like i care, when she is 'exposing' him to her "jesu feran mi" naija music, i don't complain now, abeg if we wan 'hear about 'dekoko' let nobody spoil our fun jo.
Naija music is going through a major renaissance, with artists like Lagbaja leading the way. And the videos too are just getting better, Lagbaja's Never far away has to be one of the best.
meanwhile..
stumbled on this video by a guy called biglo (is this guy for real ???)
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
108 days after..
its been a while since i blogged about Jr, so here's a quick recap. He's now over 3 months old, i do not find his smile fascinating anymore (joking of course), the little trickster uses it to manipulate us ; ), all he has to do is smile and he knows he'll get his way. (damn he's a fast learner, took years for me to learn how to manipulate people).
I'm constantly fascinated about the way he is changing daily, its sort of like a biology lesson, the other day i suddenly realised that his hearing has improved to the extent where he is now able to identify individual sounds from the background noise, my mobile rang and he was extremely startled by the ring tone. We had to turn off the ringer on the phone in the bedroom as he now wakes up every time someone calls.
He is also going through what i like to call the 'drool stage'. Apparently babies start drooling a lot when they are about to grow teeth. I had read about it somewhere but i still wasn't prepared for the amount of drool, lets just say my shirt goes through another 'wash' anytime i'm with him.
Like wifey will say its all part of the 'joys of fatherhood'. Yeah right, but she didn't find it funny when he 'peed' all over her and i said its part of the joys of motherhood..
-------------------------------------
IBB spam mail
As if i don't get enough spam, some troll had to send me this:
OSILAMA ISABEMOH [MALIK_ISA@yahoo.com
reply-to JOOLOWO@yahoo.ie
to ijebuman
date Nov 14, 2006 6:16 PM
subject FELLOW NIGERIANS
Fellow contrymen and women,i write to remind you of the fact that we are moving towards a new dispensation where we have to take into consideration the future of our children.
Yes,i agree that the incubent president,Rtd.Chief Olushegun Obasanjo has done a yeomans`s job in the last 7-8 years of his leadership and since he is getting ready to leave,we should not be greedily partisan and selfish to know that God has made IBB to be alife today to come and savour and complemement the good works of the incubent.
I am neither a politician or am i expecting to be but because of my patriotic nature and love for my country Nigeria,i plead with you all to join hands together to bring back the God sent ´messiah´Rtd General IBRAHIM BADAMOSI BABANGIDA.
I live far away from home but have been monitoring the political trends in my beloved country Nigeria.I am frommthe minority states of Edo(the heartbeat of Nigeia)but very versed with all the political happening in my country.
To you IBB,i want you to believe that the wish of God cannot be thwarted by a group of person or person,no matter what happens.You have been elected from heaven as the next president of Nigeria come 2007 and i advice you to beware of drinking any form of `tea`(Remember Tunde Idiagbon,MKO Abiola and others).
Though,my Bible tells me that he who Goid has ordained for a particular mission must succeeed in that mission and you have been ordained by the almighty God whose powers no foe can stand.
I love you my fellow country men and women and want them to remember that tomorrow might be your turn to rule,if you are qualified.
I will welcome all forms of constructive criticism as this is a part of the system we are operating.
BRAVO IBB,LONG MAY YOU REIGN.I STAND SOLIDLY BEHIND YOU.
Malik Osilama Isabemoh.
Barcelona Spain.
joolowo@yahoo.ie
-------------------------------------
unfortunately i don't respond to trolls but hopefully some viagra, penile enlargement or 419 spammer will pick up his email address here and send him a truckload of spam..
I'm constantly fascinated about the way he is changing daily, its sort of like a biology lesson, the other day i suddenly realised that his hearing has improved to the extent where he is now able to identify individual sounds from the background noise, my mobile rang and he was extremely startled by the ring tone. We had to turn off the ringer on the phone in the bedroom as he now wakes up every time someone calls.
He is also going through what i like to call the 'drool stage'. Apparently babies start drooling a lot when they are about to grow teeth. I had read about it somewhere but i still wasn't prepared for the amount of drool, lets just say my shirt goes through another 'wash' anytime i'm with him.
Like wifey will say its all part of the 'joys of fatherhood'. Yeah right, but she didn't find it funny when he 'peed' all over her and i said its part of the joys of motherhood..
-------------------------------------
IBB spam mail
As if i don't get enough spam, some troll had to send me this:
OSILAMA ISABEMOH [MALIK_ISA@yahoo.com
reply-to JOOLOWO@yahoo.ie
to ijebuman
date Nov 14, 2006 6:16 PM
subject FELLOW NIGERIANS
Fellow contrymen and women,i write to remind you of the fact that we are moving towards a new dispensation where we have to take into consideration the future of our children.
Yes,i agree that the incubent president,Rtd.Chief Olushegun Obasanjo has done a yeomans`s job in the last 7-8 years of his leadership and since he is getting ready to leave,we should not be greedily partisan and selfish to know that God has made IBB to be alife today to come and savour and complemement the good works of the incubent.
I am neither a politician or am i expecting to be but because of my patriotic nature and love for my country Nigeria,i plead with you all to join hands together to bring back the God sent ´messiah´Rtd General IBRAHIM BADAMOSI BABANGIDA.
I live far away from home but have been monitoring the political trends in my beloved country Nigeria.I am frommthe minority states of Edo(the heartbeat of Nigeia)but very versed with all the political happening in my country.
To you IBB,i want you to believe that the wish of God cannot be thwarted by a group of person or person,no matter what happens.You have been elected from heaven as the next president of Nigeria come 2007 and i advice you to beware of drinking any form of `tea`(Remember Tunde Idiagbon,MKO Abiola and others).
Though,my Bible tells me that he who Goid has ordained for a particular mission must succeeed in that mission and you have been ordained by the almighty God whose powers no foe can stand.
I love you my fellow country men and women and want them to remember that tomorrow might be your turn to rule,if you are qualified.
I will welcome all forms of constructive criticism as this is a part of the system we are operating.
BRAVO IBB,LONG MAY YOU REIGN.I STAND SOLIDLY BEHIND YOU.
Malik Osilama Isabemoh.
Barcelona Spain.
joolowo@yahoo.ie
-------------------------------------
unfortunately i don't respond to trolls but hopefully some viagra, penile enlargement or 419 spammer will pick up his email address here and send him a truckload of spam..
Sunday, November 12, 2006
Sounds like Lagos..
"Many people are not familiar with the mechanism of a car and how it will react in certain situations"[snip]
'..is the product of a startlingly reckless driving culture where basic rules such as speed limits, right of way and braking distance go unheeded. Cutting up fellow drivers is a given, as is veering into the wrong lane with vehicles rushing head-on towards you. A motorists who misses a motorway turn-off will simply reverse back to it, against the hurtling traffic.'
sounds a lot like Lagos but apparently its Tehran
Ahmadinejad's new mission: taming Tehran's traffic
President takes time off from baiting the west to berate Iran's deadly drivers
'..is the product of a startlingly reckless driving culture where basic rules such as speed limits, right of way and braking distance go unheeded. Cutting up fellow drivers is a given, as is veering into the wrong lane with vehicles rushing head-on towards you. A motorists who misses a motorway turn-off will simply reverse back to it, against the hurtling traffic.'
sounds a lot like Lagos but apparently its Tehran
Ahmadinejad's new mission: taming Tehran's traffic
President takes time off from baiting the west to berate Iran's deadly drivers
Saturday, November 11, 2006
Gerald Levert
1966 - 2006Soul/RnB world lost another exceptional artist.
Gerald Levert died of an apparent heart attack in his sleep while at his Cleveland, Ohio, home on November 10, 2006
.
Good 'ol days http://www.pcplanets.com/videos-18256-Good-Ol-Days.shtml (my favourite Levert song)
Private line http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H02Lgl1qezE
Thursday, November 02, 2006
BlameStorming
BorishadeA method of collectively finding one to blame for a mistake no one is willing to confess to. Often occurs in the form of a meeting of colleagues at work, gathered to decide who is to blame for a screw up.
Boris (i.e Professor Babalola Borishade, the Aviation minister) has been making a lot of noise about sunday's plane crash. He claims the accident was caused by pilot error.
Boris was on a media offensive within minutes of the plane crashing. Trust naija man now, when your political future is at stake, you have to pull out all the stops to ensure that you keep your job. If it means blaming a dead guy for the rot in the aviation sector, so be it.
Boris has always had a hard time, when he was education minister, it was ASUU that was giving him a hard time. Now that he is in charge of aviation, all these bloody planes keep falling out of the sky.
But na wah for Boris o, when Sosoliso crashed he blamed God, (saying it was 'God's will'). Now he is blaming the pilot. So who will he blame next time another accident occurs, the one armed man??
Meanwhile i searched Google and was surprised to find out that Boris is actually a nuclear scientist, Osanobua!! its a good thing we don't have nuclear reactors in naija, can you imagine if this guy was in charge.
Anyway the blamestorming continues, the average nigerian couldn't give a fuck, more people die weekly from road accidents but no one cares about that..
...............
update (from BBC news)
Nigerian aviation minister sacked
Nigeria's aviation minister has been sacked following the plane crash on Sunday in which the spiritual leader of Nigeria's Muslims and 95 others died.
Babalola Borishade swaps jobs with Culture Minister Femi Fani-Kayode, according to the president's office.
Swapping one fool for another fool...
Naija Aviophobia
Aviophobia (Fear of flying)
I heard about Sunday's plane crash a few hours after i returned to the UK. For some strange reason i was not shocked or surprised about it, infact the only thing that surprised me was that anyone survived the crash.
I've always had a fear of flying and guess where i got that fear from??? yep you're right, naija. It was back in 78 (in the days of Nigeria airways and their crappy F27 planes). The whole family (minus my dad) was travelling from Kaduna to Lagos. Halfway through the flight someone noticed that air was coming in through one of the emergency doors. I remember the pilot coming round to check it and then telling one of the flight attendants to hold on to the door for the rest of the flight.
As a family we learnt a lot from that incident, since then we have never travelled together on a plane. I became a reluctant flyer and will only use a plane if i have no options. I have not flown locally in naija since then.
I heard about Sunday's plane crash a few hours after i returned to the UK. For some strange reason i was not shocked or surprised about it, infact the only thing that surprised me was that anyone survived the crash.
I've always had a fear of flying and guess where i got that fear from??? yep you're right, naija. It was back in 78 (in the days of Nigeria airways and their crappy F27 planes). The whole family (minus my dad) was travelling from Kaduna to Lagos. Halfway through the flight someone noticed that air was coming in through one of the emergency doors. I remember the pilot coming round to check it and then telling one of the flight attendants to hold on to the door for the rest of the flight.
As a family we learnt a lot from that incident, since then we have never travelled together on a plane. I became a reluctant flyer and will only use a plane if i have no options. I have not flown locally in naija since then.
Wednesday, November 01, 2006
Humour abounds amid Lagos chaos (from the BBC)
The BBC's Kieran Cooke experiences life in Lagos
Lagos is one of those places where you wonder just how anything manages to function. It is a city of, well, no-one is entirely sure of the population, but estimates vary between 13-15 million.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/programmes/from_our_own_correspondent/6091682.stm
Lagos is one of those places where you wonder just how anything manages to function. It is a city of, well, no-one is entirely sure of the population, but estimates vary between 13-15 million.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/programmes/from_our_own_correspondent/6091682.stm
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
ijebuman in lagos 4
My love affair with Lagos is over.
When we returned to naija in the 70s we lived in Kaduna, then my dad relocated to Lagos and we had to move down south. Kaduna was a great town back then and my sister and i were really sad about leaving. We arrived in Lagos and i completely forgot about Kaduna.
Everything about Lagos was fascinating, the bridges, ikorodu road, Victoria island, bar beach etc.
Fascination is not a word i will use in describing Lagos now.
Lagos is in a state of Anomie. The term is attributed to nineteenth century French pioneer sociologist, Émile Durkheim. Anomie is a state or condition of individuals or society characterized by a breakdown or absence of social norms and values. (i knew my degree in sociology will come handy someday...)
Durkheim believed that anomie is common when the surrounding society has undergone significant changes in its economic fortunes, whether for good or for worse and, more generally, when there is a significant discrepancy between the ideological theories and values commonly professed and what was actually achievable in everyday life.
Distinguished American sociologist, Robert King Merton also adopted the idea of anomie to develop Strain Theory, defining it as the discrepancy between common social goals and the legitimate means to attain those goals. In other words, an individual suffering from anomie would strive to attain the common goals of a specific society yet would not be able to reach these goals legitimately because of the structural limitations in society. As a result the individual would exhibit deviant behaviour.
from wiki
But enough of the sociological analysis. Here's the bottomline, Lagos sucks, it's like a car crash waiting to happen. The warning signs are there but no one cares.
The relationship Lagosians have with Lagos is like a woman in an abusive relationship, the type that justifies the partner's violence and remains in the relationship until the guy almost kills her.
When we returned to naija in the 70s we lived in Kaduna, then my dad relocated to Lagos and we had to move down south. Kaduna was a great town back then and my sister and i were really sad about leaving. We arrived in Lagos and i completely forgot about Kaduna.
Everything about Lagos was fascinating, the bridges, ikorodu road, Victoria island, bar beach etc.
Fascination is not a word i will use in describing Lagos now.
Lagos is in a state of Anomie. The term is attributed to nineteenth century French pioneer sociologist, Émile Durkheim. Anomie is a state or condition of individuals or society characterized by a breakdown or absence of social norms and values. (i knew my degree in sociology will come handy someday...)
Durkheim believed that anomie is common when the surrounding society has undergone significant changes in its economic fortunes, whether for good or for worse and, more generally, when there is a significant discrepancy between the ideological theories and values commonly professed and what was actually achievable in everyday life.
Distinguished American sociologist, Robert King Merton also adopted the idea of anomie to develop Strain Theory, defining it as the discrepancy between common social goals and the legitimate means to attain those goals. In other words, an individual suffering from anomie would strive to attain the common goals of a specific society yet would not be able to reach these goals legitimately because of the structural limitations in society. As a result the individual would exhibit deviant behaviour.
from wiki
But enough of the sociological analysis. Here's the bottomline, Lagos sucks, it's like a car crash waiting to happen. The warning signs are there but no one cares.
The relationship Lagosians have with Lagos is like a woman in an abusive relationship, the type that justifies the partner's violence and remains in the relationship until the guy almost kills her.
Ijebuman in lagos 3
I've always found the third mainland bridge fascinating, its my favourite route to the island. I
can still remember the first time we used the bridge in the early eighties, my dad was taking us to VI. I'm a bit of a geography geek so i noticed he was going through Herbert Macaulay way, rather than the usual route, i.e. through western avenue via Eko bridge. I knew we couldn't be heading towards Carter bridge because my dad never used it because of the traffic hold up at idumota.
Anyway he was going down Herbert Macaulay and i was still trying to figure out where he was going, then he turned left and there it was, the 3rd mainland bridge, Shagari had done the official opening the week before.
I can't remember our destination but i will always remember that journey across the bridge.
I was still in Lagos when IBB finally completed the Oworonshoki end of the bridge, linking it up with Apapa/Oshodi expressway and the Lagos/Ibadan expressway in the early 90s.
I had heard a lot of things about the current condition of the bridge, but i had to see it myself. The oworonshoki end was ok but then we got to the older sections, starting from the herbert macaulay end, and its as if an earth tremor had occurred and realigned the bridge. Several sections of the bridge has moved, so the road is no longer smooth and it felt as if the car was actually bouncing on the road.
I still find the bridge fascinating but i also have a very bad feeling about it...
Thursday, October 26, 2006
ijebuman in lagos 2
Lagosians deserve a medal of honour for surviving in this urban jungle. I've been driving around Lagos and my 'Lagos driving skills' is seriously out of date, its like i'm still on windows 95 while everyone is on XP.
But the things that pass for roads in Lagos these days na wah o. I don't know what that guy with the big eyes (Tinubu) is doing.
Federal roads too are no better, even the express road to Baba Iyabo's farm at Otta, that i thought he would have finished repairing by now, is still not finished. I hear the man uses a helicopter to travel from Lagos to Otta. We go see wetin he go use after 2007..
I've decided next time i visit naija i won't be spending a lot of time in Lagos, not even that south african shopping mall (the palms) will tempt me to stay. Can you imagine that Lekki beach has been taken over by area boys. I was there on tuesday, had to pay to get in, pay for car parking and then pay protection money to some hooligans so they won't vandalise the car.To make matters worse the beach was littered with rubbish. No wonder no one goes to the beach, my brother joked that rather than go to the beach, everyone goes to the palms..
Ibadan kini show??
I take back all the jokes I’ve made about ibadan, i spent a day there and i did not want to return to Lagos. It may not have a lot going economically but at least its residents are not raving lunatics..
But the things that pass for roads in Lagos these days na wah o. I don't know what that guy with the big eyes (Tinubu) is doing.
Federal roads too are no better, even the express road to Baba Iyabo's farm at Otta, that i thought he would have finished repairing by now, is still not finished. I hear the man uses a helicopter to travel from Lagos to Otta. We go see wetin he go use after 2007..
I've decided next time i visit naija i won't be spending a lot of time in Lagos, not even that south african shopping mall (the palms) will tempt me to stay. Can you imagine that Lekki beach has been taken over by area boys. I was there on tuesday, had to pay to get in, pay for car parking and then pay protection money to some hooligans so they won't vandalise the car.To make matters worse the beach was littered with rubbish. No wonder no one goes to the beach, my brother joked that rather than go to the beach, everyone goes to the palms..
Ibadan kini show??
I take back all the jokes I’ve made about ibadan, i spent a day there and i did not want to return to Lagos. It may not have a lot going economically but at least its residents are not raving lunatics..
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
ijebuman in lagos 1
oh the joys of dial up, finally got online no thanks to multilinks.
Their customer service is complete crap, I wanted to buy a spare battery for our LSP-3000 phone as i noticed the phone was only keeping its charge for a short time.
The conversation went along these lines:
me: do you sell the rechargable batteries for the LSP-3000
multilinks woman: yes we do, it costs 2500 naira
me: ok can i buy one
multilinks woman: where is the phone?
me: its at home but i just need the batteries
multilinks woman: we can't sell you the battery without seeing the phone as there could be a fault with it
me: no there's no fault with it i just need to buy the batteries
multilinks woman: no you have to see our technician
me: but i just want to buy the batteries, God this place has turned into Nitel
At this point i speak to someone who looks fairly intelligent
me: can i buy the batteries for the LSP-3000
multilinks engineer: yes it costs 2500 naira
me: i know
multilinks engineer: where's the phone?
me: its not here i just need the batteries.
multilinks engineer: eh
Quickly realising that the conversation was going along the same lines, i changed my approach
me: ok i need spare batteries for my LSP-3000, the current one is fine but i'll like to buy a spare one.
multilinks engineer: eh ok, you need to pay 2500 naira to the cashier, take a copy of the receipt to that guy over there and wait...
me: ok
multilinks engineer: can you fit it?
me: well i'll try but if i can't, i have a trained monkey who can definitely do it
And that my peeps is an example of what Nigerians have to go through everyday while dealing with government organisations, private organisations, churches etc.
The simple things have been turned into some complicated bureacratic mess. No wonder everyone seems to have given up
Their customer service is complete crap, I wanted to buy a spare battery for our LSP-3000 phone as i noticed the phone was only keeping its charge for a short time.
The conversation went along these lines:
me: do you sell the rechargable batteries for the LSP-3000
multilinks woman: yes we do, it costs 2500 naira
me: ok can i buy one
multilinks woman: where is the phone?
me: its at home but i just need the batteries
multilinks woman: we can't sell you the battery without seeing the phone as there could be a fault with it
me: no there's no fault with it i just need to buy the batteries
multilinks woman: no you have to see our technician
me: but i just want to buy the batteries, God this place has turned into Nitel
At this point i speak to someone who looks fairly intelligent
me: can i buy the batteries for the LSP-3000
multilinks engineer: yes it costs 2500 naira
me: i know
multilinks engineer: where's the phone?
me: its not here i just need the batteries.
multilinks engineer: eh
Quickly realising that the conversation was going along the same lines, i changed my approach
me: ok i need spare batteries for my LSP-3000, the current one is fine but i'll like to buy a spare one.
multilinks engineer: eh ok, you need to pay 2500 naira to the cashier, take a copy of the receipt to that guy over there and wait...
me: ok
multilinks engineer: can you fit it?
me: well i'll try but if i can't, i have a trained monkey who can definitely do it
And that my peeps is an example of what Nigerians have to go through everyday while dealing with government organisations, private organisations, churches etc.
The simple things have been turned into some complicated bureacratic mess. No wonder everyone seems to have given up
Friday, October 13, 2006
Destination: Lagos
I'm off to Nigeria this weekend, its been 2 years since my last visit so i'm looking forward to observing the many changes that has happened since 04.
I know there'll be a few things i'll be irritated about, you see i can handle everything naija throws at me but there's one thing that will always ruffle my feathers.
I hear there's now a church close to where we live. I tire o.. its bad enough that religion will be shoved down my throat everywhere i go (on the TV, radio, billboards etc) but when i can't sleep peacefully in my own house, na yah be dat o.
------------------------------------------------
a great response to the question 'Why Is Nigeria Not Working?'
I had to grab this off a forum i check out occasionally and it was in response to the question: Why Is Nigeria Not Working?
Birdman posted:
I think we blame our leaders too much. Our leaders did not drop out of the sky. These people are from among us, they lived among us and they reflect what we as Nigerians have become. Our problem isn't oil, roads, food, Our problem is us. The way we think is twisted, and we refuse to love ourselves enough to change.
You have probably heard several stories of how patients in critical conditions die at hospitals because of no electricity. If we loved ourselves, we would demand without rest and make sure that all hospitals have reliable backups, because one day, someone we love may very well be in critical condition in a hospital.
We attend "all-night" prayer sessions binding all manner of spirits, gyrating as though by our loud speaking we can make God do 'jara' for us. As Yorubas will say, this is "oju-aiye" (pretense). How can a christian who has enough faith to bind some supposed principality not have enough faith to make a lasting change at his/her workplace. We keep invoking God's name in everything but our actions towards ourselves and fellow Nigerians show we really are not serious about anything. The words we speak outside of church contradicts our prayers 80% of the time.
Finally, you all remember the poll that placed Nigerians as the most happy people on the earth? Some think this is a good thing. It isn't. You might think it implies resilience. I think it points instead to our laziness and careless attitude. Rather than change things, we are content to sit by and look, hoping some mugu will risk his life to make things better while the rest of us enjoy.
Only a madman does the same thing over and over again, and expects a different result. I personally have little faith in the current generation ruling us (these guys were in power from when we had independence, through our first coup, until now). They remind me of the first israelites who left Egypt. Their minds have been warped and all we can do is wait for them to die out or get too old to rule (or maybe amadioha strikes the lot of them down Tongue) so that new blood can come in (Utomi, Duke, Dora I am looking at you )
"The eyes of the future are looking back at us and praying for us to look beyond our own time"
Sunday, October 08, 2006
I love your smile
Jr is growing so fast its hard to keep up, hard to imagine that he is a little over 2 months old.
Its not easy interacting with a baby at this stage, the interaction is usually one-way, as they don't really respond apart from crying.
But it’s amazing what you learn about them from the few clues they provide. For instance he hates his Moses basket and has stopped sleeping in it (shame we can't send it back to mothercare). He loves, correction; demands attention (typical Leo) and he 'prefers' that you walk around when you carry him in your arms. (you are not allowed to sit down and do anything else).
Failure to adhere to the above instructions will result in a loud noise that may result in the council issuing a noise abatement order…
But I digress...
And then the other day it happened, he responded, our little boy started smiling and its the most beautiful smile i've ever seen…
Thursday, September 28, 2006
Political DeathMatch (update)
Nigeria vice-president suspended
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/africa/5390230.stm
After a short ceasefire (as a result of last week's military air crash), Round four kicks off as PDP suspends Atiku for three months. According to the report 'his suspension means he will not be eligible to seek the ruling PDP's presidential nomination. '
Atiku's next move will be to set up or join another political party, but whatever move he makes, he will never be the next president of Nigeria. Whether he remains the VP is irrelevant, Obj has achieved his goal and ensured that he will not be PDP's presidential aspirant.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/africa/5390230.stm
After a short ceasefire (as a result of last week's military air crash), Round four kicks off as PDP suspends Atiku for three months. According to the report 'his suspension means he will not be eligible to seek the ruling PDP's presidential nomination. '
Atiku's next move will be to set up or join another political party, but whatever move he makes, he will never be the next president of Nigeria. Whether he remains the VP is irrelevant, Obj has achieved his goal and ensured that he will not be PDP's presidential aspirant.
Saturday, September 23, 2006
Why IBB will fail
Looks like IBB is shifting his campaign into high gear, he has already started the process of 're writing history', by glossing over all the horrible things he did while in power.
In an interview with BBC's Network Africa programme, he claims "In eight years, we made a lot of progress and development of this country and people also benefited," he also states that he had organised the "freest elections that has ever been conducted in the country".
That IBB is now trying to rewrite history shows desperation on his part. He realises that his past misdeeds have now come back to haunt him. All of a sudden he is on the defensive, the same IBB that has always refused to talk about the June 12 election or any of the many accusations against his regime, is now defending his administration.
In his recent interviews IBB has talked about the so called 'Gulf war windfall', the Vatsa coup and June 12. Since IBB is now in the mood to talk maybe he can offer an explanation about who killed Dele Giwa? and the allegations made against him during the Gideon Orkar coup attempt.
IBB is smart enough to realise that the south west and Obj are the major obstacles he has to overcome to return to power.
The south west
His attempts to pacify the south west over june 12 will ultimately fail. He has the likes of Alex Akinyele and one of Abiola's wives campaigning for him, but the thing is, june 12 was bigger than Abiola and even if IBB chooses one of Abiola's wives or kids as his running mate it would not make any difference.
Even on the web IBB seems desperate for yoruba support, www.babangida.com was registered by a 'Adetunji Adeoba' according to whois while www.mribbforpresident.com was registered by a 'Michael Adesina'.
coincidence? i don't think so
Obj
Whatever 'agreement' he had with Obj in 99 is no longer valid considering the role he played in frustrating obj's third term agenda. The irony of it all is that he is now in a similar situation that Abiola was in, back in 93. He desperately needs the support of the current resident of Aso rock to get back into power. Talk about role reversal.
IBB's options???
He has none
The thing is, IBB is damaged goods, june 12 will continue to be an albatross around his neck, he should learn from Buhari's experience in 2003. Buhari lost the last election because his opponents kept saying he would introduce sharia. With sites like AgainstBabangida ,Social critics like Gani Fawehinmi, 'former friends' like Mrs Vatsa, a hostile press and a vindictive Obj to contend with, IBB has his work cut out.
It doesn't help that he is still seen as a shifty manipulator, the many years outside power has not changed this perception. If he had spent his time outside power reinventing himself as an elder 'statesman' or philantropist, he might just about convince enough Nigerians to vote for him and/or convince Obj that he can be trusted with the keys to Aso rock.
But will IBB see the writing on the wall ?? As i said in a previous blog entry
'like Maradona's addiction to cocaine (which destroyed his football career), IBB is addicted to power, and his pursuit of that power will ultimately lead to his downfall...'
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
Political DeathMatch
Not too long ago when MTV was still mildly entertaining, they had a great show called Celebrity Deathmatch. In naija we now have our own real life version of the show called Political Deathmatch.
In the far corner is the embattled VP - Atiku (aka oko jennifer) , his opponent is the president - obj (aka baba iyabo)
the story so far,
Round one, EFCC submits damning report on Atiku
Round two, Obj sends efcc report to the senate, recommending Atiku is impeached.
Round three, Atiku strikes back in true naija style ('you tarka me i daboh you'), claiming obj too is corrupt and they both 'shared' the loot
Both parties are taking no prisoners and its going to be a fight to finish
Trust Reuben Abati he has an interesting piece on the whole saga called 'A Bolekaja Presidency'
http://odili.net/news/source/2006/sep/15/2.html
http://odili.net/news/source/2006/sep/17/10.html
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???
The news that the military lost 8 major generals in the Dornier 228 plane that crashed near Obudu, raises a lot of questions as regards to why so many of the military top brass travelled on the same flight.
Apart from making the plane an obvious target for the many groups that have grudges against the military, it shows a complete lack of awareness of basic security precautions. A company i worked for had a policy where no more than 2 directors could travel on the same flight. It was actually for insurance purposes but it made absolute sense as it safeguards the future of the company.
The Nigerian military obviously doesn't understand the concept of not putting all your eggs in one basket. God help us all if we have to rely on them in a state of war...
Monday, September 18, 2006
'foot in mouth' disease
protesters doing 'fire dance' in response to pope's speech"Show me just what Muhammad brought that was new, and there you will find things only evil and inhuman, such as his command to spread by the sword the faith he preached."
The Pope had an interesting case of 'foot in mouth disease' and the islamic world erupts in anger.
Predictable...
i found this response from an iraqi militant group hilarious
"We shall break the cross and spill the wine. ... God will (help) Muslims to conquer Rome. ... God enable us to slit their throats, and make their money and descendants the bounty of the mujahideen,"
Qaeda-led group vows "jihad" over Pope's speech
My advice to the Pope next time you want to say something nasty about muslims say it in Latin, that way they won't understand
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
Things that have changed my life - 1
the 4 agreements1. Be Impeccable With Your Word
Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.
2. Don't Take Anything Personally
Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering.
3. Don't Make Assumptions
Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.
4. Always Do Your Best
Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret.
It was 5 years ago that i first read the four agreements by Don Miguel, the book affected me on so many levels. Back then i was going through an interesting NLP phrase, it kicked off my journey of self discovery which has made me aware of the power we all have to make things happen in our lives.
to be continued soon....
If you want to truly understand something, try to change it. ~Kurt Lewin
Thursday, September 07, 2006
Extreme measures
EFCC seizes N7bn assets of INEC dead director
ABUJA — THE Economic and Financial Crimes Commission (EFCC) has secured a court order, confiscating alleged ill-gotten assets, worth about N7 billion, belonging to a deceased Director of Finance and Supplies of INEC, Pastor Timothy Olufemi Akanni.
The assets include cash in local and foreign currencies; landed properties in choice areas in both Lagos and Abuja; shares in bluechip companies; registered schools, bakeries and expensive cars, among others.
The order was granted ex-parte by the vacation judge, Justice Anwuri Chikere, upon a request by the anti-graft commission on behalf of the Federal Government.
rest of the story
They say we shouldn't speak ill of the dead, but damn it, this guy was greedy and to make matters worse he was a "pastor". Its not as if that counts for anything but it does make you wonder if there's any morality left in our society.
They say Nigeria is the most religious nation in the world. and yet it tops the corruption list
Makes you wonder if religion and corruption go hand in hand in Nigeria....
But we shouldn't be surprised; it just goes to prove that in the Nigerian context when there's a conflict between personal and religious values, personal values will always triumph.
Christianity and Islam can never really change our value systems, its about time the government adopts traditional African measures to reduce the rampant corruption in the country. If people had to swear to ‘sopona’, ‘ifa’ or some other oracle when they assume public positions, i'm sure they'll be scared of stealing large amounts of public funds.
The oath for public office could include something along the lines of "I Alhaji, Cheif, Major general, Pastor etc hereby swear that if i steal a single kobo of public money, sango strike me and all generations of my family down."
A bit extreme but our situation calls for extreme measures...
Quote: Absolute faith corrupts as absolutely as absolute power. - Eric Hoffer
ABUJA — THE Economic and Financial Crimes Commission (EFCC) has secured a court order, confiscating alleged ill-gotten assets, worth about N7 billion, belonging to a deceased Director of Finance and Supplies of INEC, Pastor Timothy Olufemi Akanni.
The assets include cash in local and foreign currencies; landed properties in choice areas in both Lagos and Abuja; shares in bluechip companies; registered schools, bakeries and expensive cars, among others.
The order was granted ex-parte by the vacation judge, Justice Anwuri Chikere, upon a request by the anti-graft commission on behalf of the Federal Government.
rest of the story
They say we shouldn't speak ill of the dead, but damn it, this guy was greedy and to make matters worse he was a "pastor". Its not as if that counts for anything but it does make you wonder if there's any morality left in our society.
They say Nigeria is the most religious nation in the world. and yet it tops the corruption list
Makes you wonder if religion and corruption go hand in hand in Nigeria....
But we shouldn't be surprised; it just goes to prove that in the Nigerian context when there's a conflict between personal and religious values, personal values will always triumph.
Christianity and Islam can never really change our value systems, its about time the government adopts traditional African measures to reduce the rampant corruption in the country. If people had to swear to ‘sopona’, ‘ifa’ or some other oracle when they assume public positions, i'm sure they'll be scared of stealing large amounts of public funds.
The oath for public office could include something along the lines of "I Alhaji, Cheif, Major general, Pastor etc hereby swear that if i steal a single kobo of public money, sango strike me and all generations of my family down."
A bit extreme but our situation calls for extreme measures...
Quote: Absolute faith corrupts as absolutely as absolute power. - Eric Hoffer
Tuesday, September 05, 2006
Little Miss Jocelyn
Jocelyn J Esien playing a parking attendant on her showHaving watched 3 episodes i think i can now comment on Little Miss Jocelyn, a new comedy sketch show on BBC 3 featuring Jocelyn Jee Esien.
Its official I hate it....
The show is full of sketches making fun of Nigerians (one sketch is about a Nigerian park attendant with the catch phrase 'this will take a looong time', in another sketch she plays a Nigerian wife, with three husbands and in another one she plays a nigerian cab driver/driving instructor)
Some of the sketches did make me laugh especially the Nigerian couple seeking marriage counselling but i couldn't help thinking she was trying to outdo Gina Yashere, who has built her whole standup routine on making fun of Nigerians.
Gina is naturally funny while Jocelyn is trying too hard to be funny and its just not working...
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Like my peeps will say 'abeg make we talk about beta person jo', Metro (Wed aug 30) did an interview with upcoming actor, Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje . Talk about someone with his head screwed on properly, i was quite impressed with his reponses.
Q: Was there pressure to make your name more Westernised to fit into Hollywood?
A: I’m of Nigerian descent, from the Yoruba tribe. Names are very significant in that culture. It basically states your purpose in life. Ade is ‘the crown’, Wale means ‘to arrive’, so that means ‘the crown has arrived’. Akin is ‘warrior’ and Agbaje is ‘prosperity and wealth’. Every day when someone calls my name, they remind me of that purpose and for me to renounce that would be sacrilege. The name caused a lot of scrapes growing up. Having come this far, I wasn’t going to abandon it for Hollywood. People are getting used to it. They abbreviate it to triple A.
the full interview in metro
After reading the interview, i've become a big fan, although i still have misgivings about his roles in Lost and The Bourne identity, but i guess 'man got to chop now'.
Hopefully as his profile rises he'll be in a better position to choose his roles rather than playing the usual 'stereotypical' parts that Hollywood gives to black Africans (Drug dealers, Slaves, criminals etc)
Monday, September 04, 2006
No 'Respect'
Blair 'chav' style
Britain 'worse than 20 years ago'
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/5310016.stm
The threat of terrorism is one reason why Britain is a worse place to live now compared with 20 years ago, a BBC poll suggests. Nearly half (47%) of those questioned thought quality of life in Britain had declined, with 47% blaming a "lack of respect" and 46% citing crime.
The study of 1,006 adults was conducted for BBC One's Six O'Clock News.
According to the poll, 47% think Britain the worst place to live, 24% think its better while 27% think no better/worse.
I'm not yet part of that 47% but in a few years time when global warming and right wing groups dominate the political landscape, Nigeria may not be too bad after all...
Friday, August 18, 2006
Whats in a name?
"What's in a name? That which we call a rose By any other word would smell as sweet."The famous line from Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet.
Shakespeare may have felt that a name had no importance and that a rose would still smell the same regardless of what it is called, but the Yorubas obviously don't see it that way.
A name is seen as a celebration and an indication of who we are, hence the Yoruba saying "Oruko lonro ni" (which means names affect behavior)
Don't mess with the Yorubas when it comes to names, thats why our names are littered with Ade, Oluwa, Ayo, Ola, Akin, Baba etc. The name given to a child is supposed to signify the destiny of the child (yeah destiny that's another thing the Yorubas don't mess with)
The importance placed on names is a part of our culture that i hold dearly. Prior to the birth of jr, we had debated over possible names to give him. My wife been of the pentecostal leaning had wanted a name from the bible, me of the African leaning said No. I told her point blank no child of mine is going to have any foreign name, that the name is from the bible is completely irrelevant, the bottom line is, it is not a Yoruba name.
Don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with names from the bible (to each his own) i just feel we need to protect our culture by ensuring our children have yoruba names, it is even more important when you live outside Nigeria as it may be the only connection the next generation has to our culture.
Anyway the naming ceremony was about 2 weeks ago and i'm happy to say the names (all yoruba) we chose truly reflects the way we feel about our son.
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