Tuesday, January 02, 2007

ijebuman's 2006 awards

so now that 06 has entered the dustbin of history and we're well into 07, here are ijebuman's personal awards to those who made 2006 an interesting year..

roll drums

The "I'll Do Anything To Meet A Celebrity" award goes to Bukola Saraki, Governor of Kwara state - http://www.kwarastate.gov.ng/jayz.htm
ijebuman expects a name check for Saraki and Kwara state on Jay Z's next double CD

The "Dirty Slap" award (as in they all deserve a slap) goes to the management of ThisDay for that october concert (See previous post for details)
its not like ijebuman to kick people when they are down (as they actually lost quite a bit of money organising the concert) regardless they still deserve a dirty slap...

The "Darth Vader" award goes to Andy Uba for doing his master's bidding.
For all his troubles Obj has rewarded him with Anambra state. a nice quid pro quo, ijebuman thinks

The "Mugu Award" goes to Imoh Udoh's for this excellent blog (viewer discretion advised) - http://imoh-udoh.blogspot.com/
ijebuman almost wet himself (from laughter) reading "his blog"

The "Is This Some Kind Of Joke" award goes to the world bank for the following story: Nigeria 'using Abacha cash well'
according to the report:
A World Bank statement said the stolen funds were "utilised for development projects in five sectors".
It said the study showed significant increases in spending in 2004 in areas such as power, roads, water, education and health. [snip]

ijebuman is a bit confused as most Nigerians spent the xmas and new year holidays without electricity, the shock absorbers on most cars in naija has to be changed frequently due to bad roads, the education sector is a joke and the hospitals, abeg lets not even go there..

The "Who's Your Daddy" award goes to Obj for derailing IBB's presidential dreams
ijebuman had predicted that Obj will never handover to IBB as Obj did not trust him (and IBB did not support his third term agenda) but seriously who cares as long as IBB never rules naija again.

The "Comical Ali Honorary" award for lying in the face of incontrovertible evidence goes to Mohammed Ali (Divisional Police Officer (DPO) for Apapa Divisional Police Station) - see report Dare-devil robbers invade Apapa, kill 8

ijebuman read the report and it said 8 people died but it seems Ali had a different take on the incident:
Speaking on the robbery, Ali said only three people were killed and that the robbers could not enter into any of the banks and offices in Apapa due to the stiff opposition they got from the police.

Ok so 3 people died and no money was stolen, but then Ali goes on to say:
"I want to say categorically that they did not enter into any office and apart from two men, which one of them was a lunatic and a woman, nobody was killed. We battled them to the end until they escaped through Liverpool", he said.

On second thoughts i think this award should be jointly awarded to Ali and the dumbass reporter that wrote the story...

The "Tales By Moonlight" award goes to embattled VP (or is it now ex VP) - Abubakar Atiku for his boring lectures about defending democracy, please stop i'm practically falling asleep...
ijebuman finds it nauseating that Atiku has all of a sudden become a defender of "our" democracy. How times change now that he is facing the full wrath of Obj.

The "Ass Whooping" award goes to Arthur Nzeribe for losing the PDP senatorial primary election. He described the election as "a monumental rape on democracy" (i'm not joking those were his exact words)
ijebuman laughed so hard his ulcer almost came back. If there's anyone who has raped, infact "gang raped" democracy in Nigeria, it is Nzeribe.
Back in 93 IBB used him as a front to get a court injunction (using his group called association for a better Nigeria - ABN) against further announcement of the 1993 election results.

The "Coward of the County" Award goes to Globacom boss Mike Adenuga
IBB's front man oops sorry, business whiz kid Adenuga had a hard time in 2006 with those pesky boys from the EFCC. He did what any typical naija big man does when the heat is on, flee the country

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