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Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Nigerian unwords 

Some suggested words to add to the Nigerian vocabulary courtesy of unwords.com and examples of how they can be used in a Nigerian context.

007 du(b'?l-o--se(v'?n)
(n.) A license to kill; used in medical terminology when someone makes a mistake.
example: another name for the qualification the current crop of medical students (produced by our under funded teaching hospitals) will get.

404 (fôr-o--fôr)
(n.) A clueless person.
example: 90% of the Nigerian police force, 95% of our politicians

balkanize (bôl'k?-ni(z)
(v.) To divide a region into small parts much like the Balkans.
example: worst case scenario if project Nigeria fails

becusing (be--kyü-si(ng)
(adj.) Bemusing and confusing
example: events happening in Oyo, Anambra, Ekiti and Plateau states

blamestorming (bla-m'stôr'mi(ng)
(n.) A method of collectively finding one to blame for a mistake no one is willing to confess to.
example: what Nigerian government officials do whenever a disaster happens (in most cases God is the culprit)

bushspeak (bush-speek)
a. (n.) Language spoken by George W. Bush. Words used by an individual that are similar to the style of speech used by George W. Bush.
b. (adj.) Totally incomprehensible. A statement that does not make sense.
example: any statement by IBB and Borishade (ex Aviation minister)

dementocracy (di-men'tok'r?-se)
a. (n.) A society in which the most demented members rise to the top.
example: Nigeria

déjà foo (da-'zhä fü)
(n.) A mistake one has already seen or made once before.
example: will apply to the current crop of politicians who are making the same mistakes that ended the first and second republics

discrimihate (di(-skri(m'?-ha-t')
(v.) To set apart as being different and to place hate on at the same time.
example: Nigerians abroad (especially in the UK and US) admired and hated at the same time.

disremember (di(s'ri(-m?m'b?r)
(v.) To remember something incorrectly.
example: selective amnesia, what anyone supporting IBB is suffering from

(acronym) Foot-In-Mouth Syndrome.
example: occurs when the mouth is engaged before the brain, afflicts obj regularly

glibido (gli-be'do)
a. (n.) All talk and no action.
example: methinks this will apply to almost every Nigerian i know lol

God Mob (God mob)
a. (n.) A large group of people who gather in a (usually predetermined) location, pray a brief prayer, give a shout of praise to the Lord, and then quickly disperse. Any group of people who attend a religious service.
example: 99.9999% of Nigerians

guesstimate (ge(s't?-mi(t')
(n.) A very basic guess on the solution to something.
(v.) ge(s't?-ma-t'. To estimate by guessing.
example: any official figure relating to Nigeria e.g population of Lagos

ideality (i-'de--a(l'i(-te-)
(n.) Frequently the opposite to reality. A dimension only spoken of in textbooks and lectures, and yet, while greatly desired, never seems to the case.
example: what every Nigerian hopes for Nigeria

irritainment (i(r'i(-ta-n'm?nt)
(n.) Entertainment that makes one irritated.
example: most nollywood films

undocumentioned (u(n-do(k'y?-me(n'sh?n'e(d)
(adj.) Describing something that is both undocumented and unmentionable.
example: Lagos traffic laws, planning laws, environmental laws etc

WMDs (du(b'?l-yü e(m de-s)
(n.pl.) Weapons of Mass Distraction.
example: EFCC, gradually becoming a tool for political blackmail against opponents while obj's cronies are left alone.

verbal-vomit (vûr'b?l-vo(m'i(t)
(n.) Spontaneous comments that make no sense, have no point, or are completely off the subject.(also known as diarrhoea of the mouth)
example: afflicts the likes of Sunny Okogwu (IBB's in law) who claimed oil belongs to the north

inspired by david dylan's excellent post 'Know your Nigerian Political Dictionary'

posted by ijebuman  # 4:37 pm
Very funny. Love this post.
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