ijebuman's diary

An Excellent EU Joke

2011-05-12T16:10:00.000+01:00

European paradise:

You are invited to an official lunch. You are welcomed by an Englishman. Food is prepared by a Frenchman and an Italian puts you in the mood and everything is organised by a German.

European hell:

You are invited to an official lunch. You are welcomed by a Frenchman. Food is prepared by an Englishman, German puts you in the mood but, don't worry, everything is organised by an Italian.

That joke was proposed by a Belgian as the Official European Joke, the joke that every single European pupil should learn at school. The Joke will improve the relationship between the nations as well as promote our self humour and our culture.

The European Council met in order to make a decision. Should the joke be the Official European Joke or not?

The British representative announced, with a very serious face and without moving his jaw, that the joke was absolutely hilarious.

The French one protested because France was depicted in a bad way in the joke. He explained that a joke cannot be funny if it is against France.

Poland also protested because they were not depicted in the joke.

Luxembourg asked who would hold the copyright on the joke. The Swedish representative didn't say a word, but looked at everyone with a twisted smile.

Denmark asked where the explicit sexual reference was. If it is a joke, there should be one, shouldn't there?

Holland didn't get the joke, while Portugal didn't understand what a "joke" was. Was it a new concept?

Spain explained that the joke is funny only if you know that the lunch was at 13h, which is normally breakfast time.

Greece complained that they were not aware of that lunch, that they missed an occasion to have some free food, that they were always forgotten.

Romania then asked what a "lunch" was.

Lithuania et Latvia complained that their translations were inverted, which is unacceptable even if it happens all the time.

Slovenia told them that its own translation was completely forgotten and that they do not make a fuss.

Slovakia announced that, unless the joke was about a little duck and a plumber, there was a mistake in their translation.

The British representative said that the duck and plumber story seemed very funny too.

Hungary had not finished reading the 120 pages of its own translation yet .

Then, the Belgian representative asked if the Belgian who proposed the joke was a Dutch speaking or a French speaking Belgian. Because, in one case, he would of course support a compatriot but, in the other case, he would have to refuse it, regardless of the quality of the joke.

To close the meeting, the German representative announced that it was nice to have the debate here in Brussels but that, now, they all had to make the train to Strasbourg in order to take a decision. He asked that someone to wake up the Italian, so as not to miss the train, so they can come back to Brussels and announce the decision to the press before the end of the day .

"What decision?" asked the Irish representative.

And they all agreed it was time for some coffee.

http://thereluctantbruxellois.blogspot.com/2011/03/excellent-eu-joke-that-i-probably.html

You've got to love Belgium..

2011-05-12T16:04:00.000+01:00

Taxis block Brussels airport after police shooting

Taxis blocked off Brussels airport for several hours after an unlicensed driver was grazed by a police bullet during a chase, local media report.

Cabs were parked across the A201 motorway from late on Tuesday until 0500 (0300 GMT) on Wednesday as rumours spread that the driver had been killed.But his injury was minor and he was released from hospital into custody.

A policeman had reportedly opened fire to stop the taxi as it drove away with him clinging to the bonnet.

The policeman who fired was also detained as investigators and prosecutors in Brussels carried out investigations, Belgium's Le Soir newspaper reports.

Pepper spray

Police were making routine checks for unlicensed taxis when they signalled the driver to stop around 1900 on Tuesday, according to another newspaper, La Derniere Heure.

Far from stopping, the 28-year-old driver accelerated, prompting a policeman to jump on the bonnet.

After being carried along for 2km (1.2 miles), he fired at least once into the dash-board, forcing the driver to stop.

A brawl reportedly followed in which the policeman fired another shot, grazing the driver's shoulder.

Some 200 drivers joined the protest which followed and a second driver was arrested as he tried to "avenge" his colleague.

At 0230, police wielding truncheons and using pepper spray tried to clear the motorway but the stand-off only ended after negotiations involving a trade union representative.

La Derniere Heure notes that unlicensed taxi drivers have been a problem at the airport for years.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-13359071

Celebrating Yoruba Heroes (OJ Ekemode)

2011-05-04T09:30:00.004+01:00

Someone (and i don't know who) said a hero is by definition an ordinary person who does extraordinary things. The Yorubas of west Africa are a remarkable ethnic group whose history has been shaped by many known and unknown heroes.

Here is one of those heroes...Orlando Julius Aremu Olusanya Ekemode (OJ Ekemode)

"I started Afro Beat in 1960.....The first name of my band was The Globetrotters; we were globe trotting with our style of music. When people asked us for our kind of music, we just said it was Afro Beat because we could not start to mention all the genre of music fused. That's how Afro beat originated. It was not from Fela."

"I wrote songs over there [America] that won awards. An example is Going Back To My Roots. I wrote that song with Lamont Dozier. I was the first African to record with African American musicians in a native language. I played drums and other instruments in the music and helped him in arranging the songs.
That album won a Grammy but unfortunately, he did not live up to expectations. I was not acknowledged. I was duped! I am glad that I sang my part of the song in Yoruba. If I had done it in English, it would have been very easy for him to deny. He made it sound as if it was not the song (Back To My Roots) that won him the Grammy. A group in the UK, Odyssey, remixed the song and it was at number five on the Bill Board charts for several months. The song is one of the classics of our time."

Fondly called O.J, his real name is Orlando Julius Aremu Olusanya Ekemode. Born in Ikole-Ekiti, the indigene of Ilesha, Osun State, is the fourth child of Professor Gabriel Ekemode.

His foray into music began as a lad in primary school when he joined the Mambo Dance Band. However, his dad's sudden death the year he finished secondary school put-paid to his academic dreams. Before his career picked up, he played with the likes of J. Oyeshiku, Cotey Necoy and Julius Araba and finally took up apprenticeship with Ademola Haastrup

And today, with a career spanning over 60 years, Orlando has definitely carved a niche for himself.

In this interview with National LIFE, the multi-instrumentalist and singer opened up on how he was robbed of a Grammy Award for popular hit, Back To My Roots. He also opened up on his relationship with late Afro beat legend, Fela Anikulapo Kuti and reaffirmed his claim that he and not Fela founded Afro beat.

Read the full interview here

Things that make you go WTF (in Brussels)

2011-02-16T15:15:00.006Z

Bilingual Hell

Brussels is a fascinating place. Even though it claims to be the 'capital of Europe', it's not exactly a visitor friendly place unless you speak French and Dutch. One of my biggest pet peeves is the way streets names are displayed. Brussels is officially bilingual, which means street names are displayed in French and Flemish (Dutch), but sometimes only the Flemish name is displayed and so you can imagine a scenario where you're looking for a street with a French name like "Rue de la Loi" but the sign displayed is "Weestraat" (which is the Flemish name for the same street). How the hell are you supposed to connect the two?

Customer Service???

qu'est-ce que c'est? (what is that?) is the rude response (if you're lucky to get one) you are likely to get from most customer service staff around here. Initially I thought it was just me, but almost everyone complains about the same thing. From the airline check in staff to the supermarket check out staff, they all have one thing in common, they are not there to serve you - the customer, so don't bother them.

Brussels Estate Agents

The devil is truly a Brussels estate agent, if you can help it, avoid dealing with this particular specie while staying in Brussels. They are rude and unprofessional and they think they are doing you a big favour if they respond to your emails or return your calls. Since Brussels is the "capital of Europe", and accommodation is in short supply, the estate agent is truly king around here.

Zebra Crossings

"A zebra crossing typically gives extra rights of way to pedestrians". A shocking surprise awaits anyone gullible enough to believe that statement in Brussels. I have learnt that you cross the road at your own peril, if you assume the driver will stop. The only way to cross is when the approaching vehicle has come to a complete stop and the driver beckons to you to step on the zebra crossing.

Metro

The best thing about the Brussels Metro is that you can ride it for free most of the time (unless your station has ticket barriers installed LOL). It runs well most of the time but be prepared for unexpected or unannounced closures (due to strikes or when the metro drivers are having a really bad day). This has happened to me twice, luckily Brussels is a fairly small and compact city and I had my GPS to guide me to my destination.

d'enregistrement, Registreren

Meaning Registration, now this is a big deal in Brussels (actually in Belgium too). How can you be a proper police state if you don't know everything about everyone living in your country?

This is serious business and failure to notify the local authority (communale) of your presence could lead to serious consequences (or so I heard).

Health and Safety Nightmare

I have a new found respect for the health and safety authorities in the UK. Here in Brussels some of the things wey my eye don see while flat hunting....is it loose and exposed electrical wiring or the sixth floor flat with French doors which opened into a balcony with only a low flimsy barrier stopping you from plunging to the street below....I have definitely seen scary things in this town.

Loose Uneven pavements

I was walking down a side street in Porte de Namur the other day and I swear for one second I thought I was in Lagos driving down a road peppered with potholes, which was strange because I was walking not driving. I ended up doing a very strange walk which could easily pass for break dancing and MJ's moonwalk combined. There are some parts of this city where you need to have shock absorbers just to walk on the pavements.

The Tax rate

In November 2009, the Organisation for Economic Co-operation and Development confirmed once again that Belgium has one of the highest tax burdens in Europe. It amounts to – including social security – 57.3% for a single earner. This compares to an average 44.5% in Europe.

I think this statement speaks for itself....

Shop Closing Times

Most of the shops close by 6pm every day. It is very strange indeed...I haven't spent the weekend here yet, but I heard shops do not open on Sunday WTF?

un homme Ijebu à Bruxelles

2011-01-28T11:32:00.005Z

an ijebu man in Brussels

So here I am working as a freelance consultant in the capital of Europe. It's cold, miserable and wet, at least the weather is no different from the UK...Luckily I'm only here for 4 1/2 days a week and get to return to the UK every weekend courtesy of that monopolistic cash grabbing entity called Eurostar.

But Thank God for Eurostar, if London wasn't less than 2 hours away, there's no way I'll have worked here. I've often told Mrs Ijebuman that the only place I'll be packing my things to when I leave the UK is Naija.

Now with the current state of play in Naija, the chances of that happening are a bit remote at the moment unless I decide to go into politics, but considering my extreme uncompromising views, a total abhorrence of what passes as religion in Naija and an unwillingness to prostitute myself to some fat bellied political Godfather (forgive the rant).....lets just say there's more chance of a free and fair election in April than me going into Naija politics.

But I digress, Brussels is quite interesting, there are a lot of things I have noticed in the last couple of days, so expect a lot more ~~rants~~ oops sorry blog postings about Brussels.

My peeps are here too, there's a small professional expat group of Naijas from the UK working in various international organisations dotted all over Brussels. I guess with the current recession in the UK and the current state of Naija, continental Europe is now the new frontier for UK based Naijas.

Been So Long....again

2011-01-28T11:26:00.002Z

Back in 2009, it was supposed to be a short break from blogging but it turned out to be a two year break...So if you're one of the few people who read my blog please check back from time to time, I can't promise much at this stage but I hope this is a permanent return to blogging.

The last 2 years flew by so quickly and a lot of stuff has gone down...I don't even know where to start...Naija…phew..don't even get me started, my BP is just getting back to normal, after all that Yar'Adua shit last year, but as in everything Naija we lost one hopeless politician (aka Babs go slow, Yawn'Adua) and gained another one, Badluck (Good luck for him, Bad luck for Nigeria).

In the last 2 years, my location too has changed, home was still London but I spent a lot of time in other parts of the UK. A few weeks ago I took another big leap by accepting a role to work on a project outside the UK....which brings me to my second post 'un homme Ijebu à Bruxelles' (an ijebu man in Brussels)

Been So Long....

2009-05-09T13:06:00.004+01:00

Ok so i took a "short" break from blogging at the end of last year and it turned out to be an extended break : - ). I'm not promising that i'm back to blogging full time but i will try not to stay away for too long. I might have been away from my blog but i still lurk around some of my favourite blogs - chxta, Akin, naijablog, nigerian curiousity et al, kudos to you guys for hanging in there unlike me lol..

I just returned from a trip to Naija (that’s a topic for another blog post), and one of the things i noticed while i was there is how much religion has completely taken hold of our way of life.

It's not even funny anymore, the way things are going in Naija, another couple of decades and our traditional culture and way of life will have been completely swallowed up by the current madness parading itself as "religion". From the resident electoral commissioner in Ekiti state to our Information minister, no Nigerian is immune to this 'madness'.

It has got to the level where people have started changing their traditional names to more "religious friendly names" (e.g Fayemi to Oluwayemi).

Rant over..

Anyway on a lighter note, this dropped into my mail box the other day, enjoy.. (thanks to whoever compiled it)

Top ten Nigerian "Pentecostal" sayings

10. "We must pray and fast" (In Yoruba, "e kun fun aduaa").

Commonly used in times of tribulation such as Police/EFCC cases, looking for a husband or applying for a UK or US visa.

9. "This is my year of breakthrough" A new year's eve special.

The ready-made lazy man's annual prayer whether or not he has put in an honest day's work the year before, and a popular headline at most money spinning end-of-year religious crusades.

8. "I thank God for your life"

Usually an acknowledgement or appreciation of a benefactor but you scratch your head to find a real meaning to this one. People just drop it anyhow, eg. "I saw Pastor Kososhi drive past me in his Hummer yesterday on Allen Avenue", Reply: "Oh, I thank God for his life".

7. "...but he's a Man of God"As in the old 'over-the-hill'

Brother Jero Pastor who doesn't know how to toast women but secretly lusts after your wife/girlfriend in church. These are the "close your eyes, let us pray" guys who's always around to help or advice, waiting and hoping to take advantage of any misfortune to console his way into your woman's life.

6. "J.E.S.U.S."

Now very popular at Christian weddings across Nigeria as the newly-wed couple cut their cake. This has taken over from the evergreen "3,2,1...". Speaking of weddings, some wack MCs now blackmail the wedding guests by saying "If you want to live to see the new year, let me see your hands up", thus punishing them for not laughing at his dry jokes. Fear has become our God.

5. "I bind you..." (AKA "Holy Ghost Fire! Fire!! Fire!!!")

As in, put a curse on you, or threaten you with the wrath of God if you're deemed to be disturbing them for whatever reason. For example, against jobless guys who are proposing marriage, or the Landlord who has come to collect the rent after 8 months!

4. "The Devil is a liar!"

Often used right after surviving a ghastly auto accident, general misfortune, tripping over your children's toys or mistakenly dripping pepper soup on your favourite pink T.M. Lewin shirt!

3. "In the name of Jesus..."

Also abbreviated on Facebook as "IJN" or for maximum effect "in the MIGHTY name of Jesus!". Favourite end-of-sentence soundbite for most Prosperity Pastors on television.

2. "To God be the glory"

The last line of 99.9% of Nollywood films, and fast rising closing remarks at government / corporate seminars (usually just before they share the 'gbemu' in Ghana-must-go bags)

1. "It is well"

Self explanatory enough. Classic soundbite even if it is VERY OBVIOUS that it is not well.

And don't forget "It is not my portion" and "No weapon fashioned against me shall prosper"

I'll Be Back

2009-01-07T22:25:00.003Z

I know I've been away for a while, there's just been loads of stuff happening offline, but in the words of Arnie, i'll be back (very soon).

N.B and a special thanks to the Anonymous idiot posting spam on the comment pages of my blog while i was away, i felt so special knowing i had so many comments on my blog...

You gotta laugh..

2008-11-18T23:53:00.009Z

The political party everyone loves to hate, the British Nationalist Party (BNP) had its entire membership list published online.

According to the Times

"There was panic at the centre of the British National Party tonight after it emerged that its entire membership list had been published on the internet.The names, addresses and telephone numbers of more than 10,000 current and former members were published on a specially created web page.

Along with the names and personal details, the professions of many of the members have been made public including teachers, scientists, a government employee and at least one serving police officer.

One police woman on the list, whose entry included a note asking for discretion, faces potential dismissal since officers are proscribed from joining the right-wing political party."

For those who don't know about the BNP, it's a bit like the Ku Klux Klan without the lynching : - )

I for one am pleased that the membership of the BNP is now in the public domain, I guess a lot of people will be changing phone numbers and addresses, who knows this might actually kick start the moribund housing market.

The web page has now been removed but if you're curious like me, then pop over to Wikileaks and have a peek and yes i searched to find out if anyone on my street was a member : - )

Re: Saving Africa's Witch Children

2008-11-13T21:13:00.003Z

http://www.justgiving.com/witchchildren

http://www.steppingstonesnigeria.org/contactus

The greatest tragedy facing Nigeria today is our indifference to the abuse of the most vulnerable members of our society - children. We can all play our part by supporting Stepping Stones Nigeria 'to carry out enlightenment and advocacy projects throughout the region, so that a long-term solution to the child 'witch' crisis may be found'.

The Evil that Preachers do

2008-11-12T22:24:00.005Z

The 'Extremely Evil' Helen Ukpabio

In some of the poorest parts of Nigeria, where evangelical religious fervour is combined with a belief in sorcery and black magic, many thousands of children are being blamed for catastrophes, death and famine - and branded witches by powerful pastors. These children are then abandoned, tortured, starved and murdered - all in the name of Jesus Christ.

Influential preachers from the more extreme churches brand the children witches or wizards and exploit their desperate parents by charging them exorbitant amounts of money in return for exorcising the spirits.
The film features extraordinary access to some of the preachers who openly discuss their work. One preacher who calls himself 'The Bishop,' says he has made a fortune by carrying out 'deliverances' on children. He admits having killed 110 people in the past. Dispatches films him as he administers a mixture of pure alcohol, a substance known as 'African mercury' and his own blood to one child accused of witchcraft.

Dispatches
http://www.channel4.com/news/articles/dispatches/saving+africas+witch+children/2780062

Back to Reality..

2008-11-08T11:24:00.006Z

Ok that's it, my Obama moment has been bought back to reality, i thought it was a joke but then i saw the article, "Obama's election and the needed change, by Obasanjo"

Aaagh!!! do our leaders have no shame, it's bad enough that the president of Kenya declared a holiday for Obama for winning a free and fair election in America, an election which he could never have won as a Luo man in Kenya. It's not yet a year since Kibaki plunged his country into ethnic violence for refusing to step down after "losing" an election to another Luo man. The selective amnesia (or is it denial) of African leaders boggles the mind. No wonder the whole continent is trapped in a vortex of endless political violence and ethnic strife.

But i digress, According to Obasanjo,
"Obama represents an ability to move from realms of dream to reality. He represents Hope for the global minorities who are being or feel oppressed by the majority."
{SNIP}
"Part of his hopes and dreams is to facilitate the emergence of a post racial America. I believe embedded in that will be a pointer for divided countries to create the needed golden bridges across traditional divides and gaps of tribal bigotry, ethnic chauvinism, religious allegiance and other primordial considerations. It is a signal to us that we can gradually begin the movement towards an Africa that accepts everyone for what and who he or she is."
{SNIP}
"People should be seen, accepted, judged and placed for what they are and what God has endowed them with. Those who preach the sermon of superiority of Intelligence Quotient or simple intellect based on colour, race, tribe or language must start to review and indeed change their sermon."

So Obasanjo likes beta thing (as my peeps will say in pidgin), yet at no time in the many years he ruled Nigeria did he bring about the political renewal that our nation desperately needs. During his 8 year rule, he encouraged and promoted the likes of Adedibu and Chris Uba, people who were prepared to use violence and intimidation to "win" elections.

Obama's victory in America could be compared to the June 12 election when Nigerians of different ethnic and religious background voted for MKO Abiola in a free and fair election that has yet to be repeated in Naija. Obj was among the powerful minority that supported the annulment of that election, in the heat of the June 12 crises, he had gone to South Africa to announce that "Abiola is not the messiah we seek". I'm sure many Americans (especially of the redneck variety) will say Obama is not the messiah they seek, but he won the election and thats all that matters.

It's a shame that the irony of it all is lost on Obasanjo or whoever he employed to write this piece of garbage. I'm not a religious person, but i surely hope there's a God out there, that will strike the likes of Obasanjo, Kibaki, Mugabe and the other despotic African leaders that have denied their people political freedom and yet want to associate with the historical victory of Obama.

Young, Gifted and Black

2008-11-06T13:45:00.003Z

"Young, Gifted and Black, We must begin to tell our young, There's a world waiting for you, This is a quest that's just begun..."

Yesterday's historical event bought back memories of one of my father's favourite songs "Young, Gifted and Black". It was recorded by Bob & Marcia and reached number 5 in the UK charts in 1970. (The song was originally recorded by Nina Simone)

It's a song that has inspired me over the years and with Obama overcoming all the odds to become the US President, I feel this song captures the essence of this moment.

To be young, gifted and black,
Oh what a lovely precious dream
To be young, gifted and black,
Open your heart to what I mean

In the whole world you know
There are billion boys and girls
Who are young, gifted and black,
And that's a fact!

Young, gifted and black
We must begin to tell our young
There's a world waiting for you
This is a quest thats just begun

When you feel really low
Yeah, there's a great truth you should know
When youre young, gifted and black
Your souls intact

Young, gifted and black
How I long to know the truth
There are times when I look back
And I am haunted by my youth

Oh but my joy of today
Is that we can all be proud to say
To be young, gifted and black
Is where its at

(1969) Nina Simone, Weldon Irvine jr

There's a Black Family at 1600 Pennsylvania..

2008-11-05T02:16:00.005Z

The Obama's New Residence

"No army can stop an idea whose time has come.” - Victor Hugo

One down, one more to go...

2008-11-03T12:00:00.003Z

People in the UK will understand what i mean, Lewis Hamilton became the youngest (and only black) Formula 1 champion in history yesterday, the one more to go is of course the US elections tomorrow, where if all goes according to the opinion polls, Barack Obama will become the next US president.

Now, i was very late to the Obama party, i never thought he stood a chance.. but hey, i'm now a believer and i apologise to my fellow blogger Omoluwabi OkeBadan for my cynical responses to his many posts on Obama (you were right all along, my Brother)

People sit back and enjoy the show, history is about to be made.

It's time...

Freedom Now!!

2008-11-01T09:38:00.003Z

Things are that bad...

2008-10-23T13:37:00.006+01:00

To all my peeps out there, hang in there remember if it doesn't kill you, it just means your creditors can still find you.
My peeps when oyibo man starts panicking and running around like headless chicken, there's some serious alarm about to blow, that is why i'm wondering why my peeps are still organising owambe parties as if nothing dey happen..
I was talking to someone the other day asking how she was coping with the credit crunch, she said "credit crunch is not my potion in Jesus name" ok o i replied, 'when you return from lala land please give me a call..'

Meanwhile i've told Mrs Ijebuman to do a quick inventory of all our movable assets as we may need to make a quick dash to Naija if things get really bad, I'll miss Ijebuman's mansions but lets face it, I was only the caretaker, it was always owned by the mortgage company. When the going gets tough, the tough pack up and move back to where they came from, the Polish are already doing it lol.

On a serious note, we all need to be smart to ride this one out, there's so much uncertainty out there, no job is secure..

17532 days later

2008-10-01T11:14:00.003+01:00

"There is no threat to unity at all. We solved that problem a long time ago" - Tafawa Balewa (Oct 1960)

The Free Giant
published in Time magazine on Monday, Oct. 10, 1960

In sweltering Lagos one night last week, throngs surged toward the gaily decorated race track, where bands played and dancers swayed. Precisely at midnight, a mighty roar went up as a green-white-green flag was hauled aloft to replace the Union Jack. With that, Nigeria, Africa's most populous nation (36 million), became independent and took its place in the councils of the world. Solemnly, 40,-ooo voices rose in the new official anthem:

"Nigeria we hail thee,/ Our own dear native land,/ Though tribe and tongue may differ,/ In brotherhood we stand."

Matter of Persuasion. Brotherhood is perhaps too strong a term yet in a land made up of 250 bickering tribal groups speaking as many languages, with little in common but mutual suspicion and jealousy. But it is an achievement in itself that a unified Nigeria is getting its independence and seems ready for it. Only a decade ago, a rising young politician from the north named Abubakar Tafawa Balewa was threatening a Moslem holy war against the southerners rather than join them in one independent nation. "There is no basis for Nigerian unity," he sniffed. "It is only a British intention for our country."

Today. Alhaji Sir Abubakar Tafawa Balewa, O.B.E., K.B.E., is federal Nigeria's first Prime Minister, who now says, "There is no threat to unity at all. We solved that problem a long time ago." His words are echoed by every important politician, giving the lie to the theory that backward African nations inevitably must suffer the chaos of a Congo when the blacks take over.

The British began training the Nigerians in local self-government almost as soon as they pulled the scattered, warring millions into one big (339,169 sq. mi.) colony called Nigeria in 1914. As far back as 18 years ago, Nigerians were admitted to the Governor's Cabinet. As a result of their wise stewardship, Britain has won a fervent friend and a loyal new partner for the Commonwealth. Last week thousands cheered vivacious Princess Alexandra, cousin of Queen Elizabeth, as she flew in from London to represent the royal family at the celebrations. Even that old nationalist warhorse, Dr. Nnamde ("Zik") Azikiwe, 55, who cursed Britain for years in his personal campaign for Nigerian independence, proclaimed that "we give credit to Britain for an imperishable legacy of the rule of law and legacy of respect for human dignity and freedom." U.S.-educated Zik, of all people, is to be the Queen's personal representative as the nation's first Nigerian Governor General.

Palm Oil & Slaves. A steaming chunk of West Africa, Nigeria's topography ranges from mangrove thickets, lagoons and rain forests in the south to lofty plateaus and arid plains in the north. Leader of the north's Moslems is proud, turbaned Sir Ahmadu Bello, whose religious title is the Sardauna of Sokoto. Eight years ago the Sardauna sent able Abubakar to Lagos as his agent because the Sardauna himself felt he had more important things to do at home among the Hausa and Fulani tribesmen. Only its huge (18 million) population and sprawling area (three-fourths of the country) provide the relatively backward north with its titular balance of power in Nigeria's loose federation over the two big tribes of the more advanced south, the solid Yoruba town dwellers of the West ern Region and the flamboyant, aggressive Ibo in the rural east, who encountered the civilizing influence of Europe at an early date.

First the Portuguese, then the Dutch, Danes and British moved in to start the scramble for pepper, ivory, palm oil and slaves. It was the British who remained, represented by ship captains, merchants and the "palm-oil ruffians," who trudged upcountry through swarms of mosquitoes, dropping off bags of cowrie shells and cases of cheap gin as payment to local chiefs who agreed to fill metal drums with palm oil and send them floating downstream to the coast. More whites died than lived, and for generations the place was considered uninhabitable for Europeans. The Governor's residence in Lagos, wrote a visitor in 1863, was little more than a "corrugated iron coffin," for at that time the consuls were dying at the rate of one a year.

TV in the Slums. "Our greatest ally was the mosquito, for it kept the white man away," cracks Chief Obafemi Awolowo, Yoruba leader and spokesman for the Western Region in the opposition's front bench in the federal Parliament. Today, only some 14,000 whites live in the entire country, and in such cities as the west's Ibadan (pop. 500,000), with its bright new university just outside the town's sea of tin-roofed shacks, or the north's ancient, fabled Keno (pop. 130,000), a non-Nigerian is seldom seen, although the health perils and discomforts have largely disappeared. In Lagos (pop. 350,000), the federation's coastal capital, even the poor wear bright nylon shirts and drink cold beer at dingy slum dives that boast gleaming refrigerators and blaring radios, while a few miles away, ragged Yoruba villagers live in huts and chop the soil with primitive wooden hoes.

Nigeria is not only the most populous but is on the way to becoming the richest of the new African states. Tarred roads connect all the major towns. Ibadan has the first TV station in Africa; Enugu (pop. 63,000), bustling capital of the Eastern Region, Zik's center of power, will soon inaugurate a TV station of its own, and a new university nearby is ready for students. Revenue from palm oil and kernels, cocoa and peanuts already has boosted exports to $460 million a year; to reduce the overwhelming dependence on agriculture, Sir Abubakar's men hope to develop iron ore, lead and zinc deposits, even talk of building a steel mill to supply West Africa's needs. Oil already pours out of Shell's wells along the Niger River delta, and the flow of Nigerian crude may reach 500,000 bbl. a day by 1970.

Checks & Balances. Unlike the Congo, where no trained specialists of any kind exist, Nigeria starts with 532 practicing doctors, 644 lawyers, 60 graduate engineers, accountants and surveyors, and thousands of Nigerian civil servants who have been on the job for years. Many Britons will remain to help, either on permanent salary status or special contracts. Snags are bound to persist; corruption, for example, is widespread and even semirespectable among Nigerians who for years have been accustomed to giving a "dash" (bribe) in exchange for a favor from tribal chiefs or government officials.

It will be years before tribalism is wiped out. In the midst of the independence gaiety last week, Lagos got grim word that rioting by spear-carrying Tiv tribesmen of the north had led to more than a dozen deaths and scores of injuries. Even in the capital, the regional spirit is far from dead, and much of Zik's loyalty to his eastern Ibos inevitably will remain, just as will Awolowo's to the west, and Abubakar's to the north. But this also has the advantage of discouraging the development of monolithic one-man authoritarianism on the model of Nkrumah's Ghana and Toure's Guinea.

Essentially conservative, Sir Abubakar has little use for men like Ghana's flamboyant Kwame Nkrumah; he has even less for Nkrumah's grandiose hopes of merging many nations into a broad Pan-African association. "You can't expect us to surrender sovereignty we have not yet had time to get used to!" Sir Abubakar laughs, proudly aware that populous Nigeria at the moment of independence automatically became a far greater influence in African affairs than Nkrumah's little Ghana (pop. 5,000,000) can ever hope to be.

Abubakar has developed both prestige and confidence in office, and although he still pays respect to his old boss, the Sardauna, he acts with complete independence on policy matters. Pledged to join no power bloc, Sir Abubakar is clearly antiCommunist, is known to support Dag Hammarskjold's policy in the Congo. Generally, his sympathies lie with Britain and with the U.S., which he visited in 1955 to study the water flow of the Ohio and Mississippi rivers in connection with a planned dam of his own on the Niger. He will make his second U.S. trip this week, leading independent Nigeria's first delegation to the U.N. General Assembly meeting in Manhattan.

On a crumbling continent in desperate need of reason and stability, free Nigeria, whose population includes one of every six humans in Africa, will provide a much-needed counterbalance to chaos.

http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,871686,00.html

How do rumours get started..

2008-09-17T13:07:00.005+01:00

....Now started by Spam email

Poor Yardy, there just seems to be so many rumours about the guy, the latest one sent from a yahoo email address to media organisations in Nigeria, claims he will resign after a cabinet reshuffle.

This Day Reports:
"Early yesterday, editors thought they had got the story of the year when a "newsflash" was sent to their e-mail addresses from "Newsagency Nigeria", through newsagencynig@yahoo.com, announcing that "President Umaru Musa Yar'Adua may resign after carbinate[sic] reshuffle, on health grounds".

The local and international broadcast media quickly picked up the story and broadcast it to the whole world. In the euphoria, however, little did it cross the mind why the President would resign after "cabinet reshuffle". Would his new appointments be binding on his successor?
[SNIP]
But Channels TV, which initially broadcast the news, was last night shut down by the State Security Service (SSS) over the hoax.

This is the third significant rumour about Yar'Adua since last year - the first being that he had died in Germany during the presidential campaign. Last month, he was rumoured to have died having gone into "coma" after undergoing a "renal transplant".
http://allafrica.com/stories/200809170012.html

Now i don't know about you, but considering the amount of dodgy email i get (penile enlargements (as if), free Ipods/Iphones, Naked pics of Halle Berry (i wish) etc) I treat any information i receive via email with suspicion especially "official" emails originating from any free email service. "Genuine" spammers don't even use Yahoo, Gmail or Hotmail to send spam anymore, they've left them to your average 419er.

But i digress, i would have thought a reputable organisation like Channels TV would at least confirm the story before going to town with it. How could they fall for such a hoax?, do Nigerian leaders ever resign from office?? if anything, the bad spelling should have made them suspicious. God help us all if someone had sent an email that a coup or something more sinister had happened; imagine the panic and confusion they could have caused.

But can we really blame Channels TV, the same news report reveals that the News Agency Of Nigeria uses Gmail addresses to send out news items.

This Day reports:
"Apparently to forestall the use of web-based e-mails addresses to spread rumours in its name, NAN yesterday sent e-mails to media houses to announce the authentic e-mail addresses of the agency.

The mail, signed by Alli Hakeem, Deputy Editor-in-Chief, Abuja Metropolitan Desk, read: "Dear esteemed subscribers, With effect from today, September 16, 2008, the News Agency of Nigeria (NAN) has rested the following e-mail addresses: nanabujahq@gmail.com and nancommunication@gmail.com to send its news items.

NAN will no longer use any yahoo, or gmail, or hotmail.com address from this moment on."
http://allafrica.com/stories/200809170012.html

Good to see that the government's usual "Close the stable door after the horse has bolted" approach to dealing with issues has kicked in...
And if you thought that was the only government organisation that uses free web based email, you should check out the contact page of the Federal Ministry of Finance, one of their contact email addresses is "servicom@yahoo.com".

Meanwhile, isn't it funny the way this government has reverted to the usual tactics of previous administrations (by shutting down Channels TV) i thought Yardy believed in the rule of law?

Wetin concern...

2008-09-01T17:45:00.006+01:00

agbero with overload (as my peeps are fond of saying), this whole Obama mania is doing my head in, you can't vist any naija news site without coming across a story or feature on Obama.
I have nothing against Obama, he talks the talk, (not sure if he can back it up with action) I hope he wins the election, but i still don't understand what it has to do with naija, if he becomes the next American President will it make any difference to our country?

I understand if the Kenyans are excited about it, he has family in Kenya but wetin be our own??
even good old reliable SaharaReporters has joined the bandwagon and turned it's front page over to the Democratic party convention in Denver. And don't even get me started on the whole fund raising for Obama ("Africans for Obama") organised by that fat chick with a Ph.D , the shameful spectacle was on Bisi Olatilo's vomit inducing show last weekend. It was too much for my ulcer and I just couldn't bring myself to blog about it. I think i'll need some therapy to forget the shameful scenes of people doing the Obama fist bump aaaaghhhh!!

Meanwhile...
While naija's poke their noses in another country's business, our own el Presidente has been holding us to ransom, if the man dies how will things play out?, will Badluck (there's nothing good about that man's luck) take over or will he be pushed aside using either the Army or the Supreme court???.

Georgia (not on my mind) only on my TV

2008-08-18T14:16:00.008+01:00

Last month most people did not know there was an ex Soviet republic called Georgia, (a tiny country made up of about 4 million people) now no thanks to the media and its extensive coverage of the ongoing war, not only do we know about Georgia, we also know about its separatist region of South Ossetia and Abkhazia.

Meanwhile, Russia may have kicked Georgia's ass on the war field, but it was the Georgians who won when they faced each other at the Olympics beach volleyball tournament lol

So what have we learnt so far?
Russia is a big bully (but we already knew that, go ask the Estonians, Hungarians, Chechens, Czechs etc)
The West as usual is full of hypocritical bullshit (but we already knew that, go ask the Iraqis, Serbs, Palestinians, Lebanese etc)
And don't mess with Georgia when it comes to.... Beach Volleyball!!!

-----------------------

Virgin Nigeria gets the Russian Treatment
Yardy and his fellow bandits in power failed the first major test of their so called "Adherence to the rule of law" and switched to what I'll like to call our "default way" of doing things. Check out the way Virgin Nigeria was forced out of the international wing of MMA despite Virgin Nigeria's case at the Appeal Court.
Virgin had gone to court to challenge the government's directive that it moves to MMA2 (the domestic terminal), rather than wait for the verdict, the government decided to use "Russian diplomatic tactics" to ensure Virgin complied.
Personally i never bought into Yardy's rule of law crap, but I'm sure many of those who thought this government was different (as if) will now realise that nothing much has changed...

Virgin set to sever ties with Nigerian venture
http://www.ft.com/cms/s/0/bf4bdaa4-6e50-11dd-b5df-0000779fd18c.html

--------------------------------
Who would have thought?

Team GB, 12 Olympic Gold medals and counting..
http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/olympics/medals_table/default.stm

No Comment...

2008-07-23T17:22:00.007+01:00

Sometimes I read some news stories and I'm literally lost for words, here are a few of such news stories;

The birthday that never was
Yar'Adua's Birthday Confusion - State Govts Blew Over N35m

"Over N35 million taxpayers' money was spent by state governors, ministers and lawmakers sponsoring advert messages congratulating President Umaru Musa Yar'adua on his 57th birthday in national dailies, only to discover that the president was not born on July 9, as the over 100 coloured paged messages implied."

The Lord Works in Mysterious ways : - )
'Allah meat' astounds Nigerians
"Diners have been flocking to a restaurant in northern Nigeria to see pieces of meat which the owner says are inscribed with the name of Allah."
and in other parts of the world
Message from Allah 'in tomato'
Tropical fish 'has Allah marking'
India marvels at 'miracle chapati'

methinks this one is definitely worthy of an end of year award (for "Foot in mouth")
Obasanjo - Leave Electricity Problem to God
Former President Olusegun Obasanjo has said Nigerians should take their electricity problem to God, adding that they should take to God anything they do not have which they wished to have or cannot get.

419 Version 2.0
419ers crank up the menaces
"Your friend has paid us to kill you..."

-------------------------------------------------
So what have you been doing in America?

Now you can find out what some of our citizens have been up to stateside.
http://www.criminalsearches.com/default.aspx

A search using a variation of popular Nigerian names produces very interesting results, i don't think Iyabo Obasanjo will be doing much driving next time she visits the US : - )

A Tale of Two Stories

2008-07-16T23:01:00.005+01:00

The Event: 17 people die in "mysterious" circumstances in a local community in Abia state.

The Nollywood Version as reported by the Nigerian Tribune and This day

The Nigerian Tribune reports that "about 40 members of the Deeper Life Church in a community in Abia State died mysteriously at the weekend shortly after a family deliverance prayer session."

The paper reports that "A source said that immediately after the prayer session, a mighty wind took over the newly-built house which lifted the people there gathered and tossed them around the building.
The source further said that the pandemonium which resulted made them to collapse against another."

The paper adds "That the remains of the dead were infested with maggots while the whole area was taken over by a foul odour.
More than 20 persons were said to have lost their lives there and then, while about three people were said to be critically ill and are now at a private hospital where they are receiving treatment."

The Real Version as reported by Reuters

"At least 17 people died at a prayer meeting in rural Nigeria after apparently breathing noxious fumes from their power generator while asleep, police and witnesses said on Wednesday.
[snip]
The victims fell asleep on Saturday in a locked room with the generator still running, police said. Their bodies were discovered and the incident reported on Tuesday.

"We are still investigating the cause of the deaths. But a power generating set was found in the hall where they slept, so we are not ruling out suffocation through carbon monoxide inhalation," police spokesman Ali Okechukwu said.

Though Nigerians are very religious, many are highly superstitious and hold strong beliefs in voodoo, ghosts and witchcraft. One survivor, Linus Abba, said the victims were attacked by the evil spirits they were trying to exorcise.

-------------------------------------------
NTA now showing on Sky

I'm sure it was planned to coincide with Yardy's visit to the UK, NTA international is now showing on Sky Digital (channel 213), for those who enjoy government propaganda and the other stuff NTA is well known for...

Yardy meets Gordy

2008-07-16T21:38:00.004+01:00

Outside Downing Street (july 16)

Randoms

2008-07-14T16:32:00.009+01:00

The supposedly "ironic" edition of The New Yorker

First it was Jesse Jackson threatening to cut off Obama's nuts courtesy of a 'mic malfunction' at Fox news (What was Jesse doing on Fox news in the first place??, it’s kind of like George W Bush going on BET), and now The New Yorker (a supposedly liberal rag) is depicting Obama and his wife as "terrorists" in the White House.
According to the magazine's editor, David Remnick, the image "holds up a mirror" to the absurd and often malicious rumours that have stuck to his [Obama's] campaign. And he believes his readers are intelligent enough to get the joke.

Really, i don't see any other magazine portraying McCain as an Old geriatric fool, because i suppose it would be seen as extremely offensive to OAPs, but i guess we black people just can't take a joke abi??
--------------------
Meanwhile...

Our dear old presido, Yawn’Adua hits our shores this week.
Now this is an open appeal to the 'slow' one, just in case you meet 'Iya Charlie' abeg do not embarrass us like you did when you met Bush last year.

Oh and one more thing since Gordon Brown will be discussing the high price of oil and offering British assistance in dealing with the Niger delta issue, I suggest you too offer Naija's assistance in dealing with the recent spate of stabbings in the UK's major cities. You could offer to send our 'Kill n Go' (Our psychotic men in black) to teach the bobbies here how to deal with all these small pikins carrying knives around as if they are selling suya.
--------------------
Another sad Oil song...

They haven't extracted the oil yet but the twin islands of São Tomé and Príncipe are already in big trouble. (And of course Naijas are already there to give them a helping hand)

'The best thing that could happen to the country is if no oil is found'
Bribery, bullying and bad deals shatter Sao Tome's dreams of petroleum boom
http://www.guardian.co.uk/business/2008/jul/14/oil.internationalaidanddevelopment

Arrested Development

2008-06-16T12:22:00.002+01:00

Arrested Economic Development
Paper presented by 'Wale Otukoya at the Yoruba Foundation on 7th June 2008.

Good Morning, Ladies and Gentlemen. It's an absolute pleasure to see you all. I am so excited about the opportunity to talk about the development of our country, but I have only a very limited time, so, I will get straight in.

At the dawn of Independence, our country was like a young virgin bride, full of promises and possibilities, our forefathers were overjoyed by the opportunities, but on the wedding night, it was the best man that consummated the marriage. That false start had plagued our country till today.
There are longer any doubts that the 1959 election was rigged, many people at the time suspected this to be the case, but now the Radio 4 programme that you listened to earlier confirmed that suspicion.

So that begs the question, why will anyone want to rig an election, especially our colonial masters on their way out?. When the slave trade came to an end, these guys still needed labour, they devised something even better, colonisation, rather than transport people to a foreign land, why not make them do the work in their own backyard and then send the goods back to the home country.
Ingenious!. There are policy makers constantly at work, making sure that they deal with issues before they become problems.

There were many reasons why the Nigerian Independence election was rigged, but this has brought us a lot of headache. If our colonial masters can so blatantly ignore the wishes of the people of Nigeria, the subsequent governments do not have a reason to have a plan, or setup an agenda, no accountability, nor do they need to perform in order for them to get back into power.

I understand that the Western region was ahead of its time, free education, free healthcare etc. The UK government wanted people they could continue to influence, educating the majority of the country will only lead to more problems.
The 1979 Nigerian election was fought on the same basis, but Awolowo was criticised for that. The UK Labour government since 1997 made Education and health two important policies of their government. Can you see the parallel, nearly 20 years later?. If we followed those policies in 1979, we would be unbeatable right now.

Now, lets give credit where credit is due, two centuries ago the Brits had about 30 million people, yet they managed to colonise almost a quarter of the world. This small island became a world leader because of the dedication of a few people.

Why did we expect them to help us to develop when development will mean less dependence on UK products?.
Imagine, through some fluke, somebody asked the Chelsea Manager to select the Man United team to face Chelsea at the finals of the European cup. I bet Ronaldo, Ferdinald, Van der Saer, or any of the key players will not be in that team, because even though on a good day Chelsea might be able to match Man U, the manager will play safe and go for the second team.
That was the same thing that happened at our "independence", why pick a team likely to give you a good run for your money, when you can pick one that you can surely win against. So, the Brits picked the second team and put the first team in reserve, another ingenious idea.
We have never had our best players in the right places.

On several occasions, I have heard that we were better under colonial rule than the 47 years of independence!!!. What we have failed to do since independence is to turn around the tide.
Several believed that the sleeping giant of Africa was about to take off in the 1970's and 80's, but in reality, it was a case of the jumbo jet crash landing whilst till taxing on the runway. We never made it as far as we thought we would. It just never happened. Now we are dreaming of 2020, but without a 20/20 vision.

Gradually, many of the colonised countries are now developing, do you remember the Vespa based cars that looked like tricycles with engines?. Those cars were the butts of many jokes when we were growing up, but India has now developed new cars on the back of that and recently launched the cheapest car for about $2000.
The Indian company Tata, manufactures cars, it's a massive conglomerate, they now own British Steel. Does anyone know what happened to Ajaokuta steel after we have spent $6b?.

Malaysia was a British colony, but its now classified as a Newly Industrialised country (NIC), they hope to become a fully developed country by 2020.
Does anyone know what happened to Volkswagen Nigeria?. Malaysia now produces Proton cars, apart from the engine. Malaysia also have one of the best medical facilities in the world, many now travel there as medical tourists. That could have been us. Where are all our trained doctors?. They are now dotted across the world. In 2007, Malaysia exported $4.4b worth of palm oil that they originally took from Nigeria. I wonder what we have done with ours?. Palm oil is now a major product, every part of it is used, even the shell.

Let me share some info from the US department of Statistics. Immigrants from Nigeria to the US are likely to be better educated (graduates and post graduates) than the indigenous population, but are more likely to be employed in a manual work.
Now, we need to move on though, time is ticking, the taxi is waiting and we have lost considerable amount of time, 47 years to be exact. In the life of a human being we are now middle aged, tending towards being regarded as a "condemn".

We have the skills, we have resources, we just lack leadership.
The economics of the world is changing. Having capital alone is not enough, you need skills, you need to be unique, you need to be able to distinguish yourself from the crowd.
Development cannot happen in a vacuum, it must be in the context of our social economic base. If our governments don't want to drive this, then, we as individuals must be able to provide leadership. We need to start somewhere, at the moment, we are running away from our own destiny.
We had oil, we blew the money because we were selfish enough not to care whether our neighbours had a meal or not, as long as we drove better cars and had more houses. Most of the jobs created in the UK and the US are created by the private sector.

Traditional economic theorists believe that in order to develop, we need capital, land, machinery, labour etc.
I have news for you, we don't need those things any more. What we need is the right infrastructure and the skills of the people to drive those things forward. We have heard of jobs being off shored to low wage countries. If we have the infrastructure, our people will have jobs.

Lets look at some of the best new companies in the world, Microsoft, Apple, Google, e-bay, facebook, moneysupermarket.com. These companies are now worth billions of dollars. 20 years ago, some of these companies were not even in existence, but today, they are more profitable than GM, Ford and most of the more traditional companies. Dell computers started in a garage, e-bay, because a man's wife could not find what she was looking for etc.

What that tells us is that we do not need to have huge capital, what we need is our brains, highly developed, highly skilled and highly tuned, not to scam people, but to build a future for ourselves and our country. We can definitely help to build our nation. We are helping to build other nations at the moment.

What can we do?.
We can make things better. We can elect not to agree that it is alright to have substandard products, we can agree that there are rules about governance, we can make sure that we support the right people and train our kids not to believe that all they have to do to make it in life is to blindly study. We need entrepreneurs, we need people with ambitions and we need long term goals. No more get rich quick schemes. We must pursue excellence above everything else.

Things can be turned around very quickly and Nigerians are some of the most industrious people, they follow their leaders and if you give them good leadership, the whole country will start buzzing in no time. A formidable force of 130 million people, more than twice the size of the UK population.
The opportunities are endless, we can come together to form partnerships, we can develop ideas, we have the power, we can help to shape the nature of the policies at home, we can channel our energies in providing support for our people.

Let us celebrate people who have the audacity to dream, let us support those trying to make a difference. This is not the time for the green eyed monster. This is the time to come together to become an incredible force. Our thinking must change from being consumers to being producers, from just opening little shops to thinking out of the box.
Consider the impact of IT, consider what will make our lives easier or more convenient, whilst making the best of the resources we have at your disposal. Don't follow the crowd, but follow your dream. Dream big, plan for it and work hard to get it.

Don't be afraid of failure, but just imagine the freedom. Its like learning to drive a car, the freedom to go anywhere is unbelievable.
Lets celebrate the very best, but celebrating all the time without achieving anything is not a way forward. Have less of those "Owambe" parties, save money and invest. Can you imagine if Bill Gate originated from Nigeria, who can guess how many wives and children he would have by now?. Why?

I have been troubled by the fact that the Polish people are now going home. I can't believe this, these guys have been here for 5 minutes and they are already checking out. What is going on?. Also, an average of 200,000 people leave the UK every year for other countries, hang on a minute, the Pols and the Brits are leaving the country, things must be really tough, who is going to manage the economy. Hey guys, I am checking out as well.

May I end by thanking all the speakers and the audience today, especially Dele Ogun, and the rest of the team that have organised these events year after year. I am thrilled about events like this, because it shows that some of you still love our country.

Finally, The "Godfather" Passes On...

2008-06-11T22:23:00.005+01:00

Full report
http://www.saharareporters.com/www/news/detail/?id=625

"As expected, Adedibu's death has elicited widespread jubilation in Ibadan, a city where the late gadfly sharpened and practiced his thuggish brand of politics. One observer told Saharareporters that people were seen in different parts of the city rejoicing over Mr. Adedibu’s demise."

These are interesting times....

2008-06-07T12:50:00.004+01:00

A new Uncle Sam?

Well, well, well, so Barack Obama is now the Democratic party nominee, assuming Hilary doesn't kill him before November : - ), he might actually become the next President of the United States.
Real life is gradually turning into an episode of the TV series 24, what will the Season finale be?
It seems America is finally growing up and ready to bury its racist past....

So what have we learned so far;

Don't fuck with the Clintons, they'll do absolutely anything to win.

Americans love a fairy tale (well one assumes they realise this is "real life" and not some Hollywood blockbuster with a 'Denzel' lookalike running for the Presidency)

Black is the new White

Fox News reveals Republican Party's back up plan just in case Obama wins

And finally, the ultimate proof that you don't have to Anglicise your name to make it, Fellow Naijas please take note, you don't have to give your offspring "Christian" (i.e "English") names to fit in.
If Barack Hussein Obama was Naija, the Barack would have become "Barry" by now, and his middle name "Hussein" would have disappeared along with any trace of his African roots.

-------------------------------------------------------------------
Top 10 Most Dangerous Places on Earth

Naija may not be the best place in the world but at least we're not on the top 10 list of the most dangerous places on earth

The Top 10
10. Russia
9. Brazil
8. South Africa
7. Burundi
6. Antarctica
5. Afghanistan
4. Somalia
3. Sudan
2. Colombia
1. Iraq
Bonus entry: USA

http://listverse.com/travel/top-10-most-dangerous-places-on-earth/

365 days later..

2008-05-29T23:04:00.002+01:00

Happy DemoCraZy Day

Yardy Speaks...

2008-05-20T12:55:00.003+01:00

To the Financial Times

Excerpts from the interview
FT: It’s interesting you say that. A lot of Nigerians I speak to say you have been very slow in your reform programme? What do you say when you hear Nigerians saying that you are moving slowly?

YAR’ADUA: I smile, because I know, I have been a governor for eight years, I have also had some challenges to sort out, some problems. Because I know the quality of what you can achieve depends on how you plan a programme. You cannot make major achievements by just trying to rush things. The quality of your planning, the quality of your programmes, determine the nature of their achievements…What we have to learn to know is that you cannot achieve anything without planning, and planning is a long-term process. That is why I am saying that we need to produce a national plan to the year 2020.

FT: You’re not enjoying being president?

YAR’ADUA: It’s not I’m not enjoying, it’s a great responsibility. But I am aware, and I believe passionately that in this country we must respect law and order. And that having allowed respect law and order to break down is what is responsible for most of our national problems.

No president should come here and do what he likes, the president should come here and conduct himself according to laws, to the constitution, governing the conduct of this office. Unless we have that, we can never progress as a nation, there will always be corruption, there will always be indiscipline, we can never have the discipline to plan, we can never be able to develop as a nation, and we can never create the right environment for investment to take place.

My Son, The Artist

2008-05-18T14:06:00.006+01:00

The colour handling and shading give a sense of overall form. There is a consistency, a coherence, a style that carries through. A refined eye guiding the brush. There are no successful accidents here. The results achieved are intentional and sure....

Don't be alarmed, this is just the sort of 'pretentious posturing' that occurs when you're presented with your son's first painting lol ; - )

Let ze Boycott begin...

2008-05-16T15:46:00.007+01:00

http://www.respectnigerians.com/BoycottBA.pdf

http://www.nigeriavillagesquare.com/articles/ahaoma-kanu/boycott-of-british-airways-commences-in-ni.html

Meanwhile BA's profits soared by 45% (for the year ending March 31), Come on Nigerians lets all play our part and ensure there's a big dent in profits next year...
N.B
MEND una get part to play o ; - ) , According to a BA spokesman "Every time the price of oil goes up by $1 a barrel, that takes another £16 million off the bottom line."

Another one of those WTF moments...

2008-05-14T12:18:00.006+01:00

also see things that make you go WTF

In the News:
Abraham Adesanya's Burial to Gulp N150m
http://allafrica.com/stories/200805140261.html

THE funeral ceremonies for the late leader of the pan-Yoruba socio- cultural group, Afenifere, will gulp over N150 million as each governor of the six South- Western states is to contribute N25 million toward the burial.

Spending 150 million Naira (appx $1.3 million, £670,000) on a funeral is just for lack of a better word, CRAZY!!!.
Apart from being the leader of NADECO (during Abacha's regime) i can't think of anything else Adesanya did to warrant such a 'lavish' funeral. If his family wants to spend 150 million Naira to bury him, that's their own prerogative, but why should money better spent on schools, roads and hospitals be used to celebrate his death ?

God knows what will happen when the "strong man" of Ibadan Lamidi Adedibu eventually kicks the bucket...
--------------------------

An Ijebu state??

My attention has been drawn to an article titled "The Creation Of A New State For The Ijebus" on Nigeria Village Square. Now, as an 'expert' on all things Ijebu, the other half keeps telling me i'm not because i was born, well ehem somewhere else.. , anyway thats just bad bellics, even if an Ijebu was born on the moon, na Ijebu.. . Akin take note ; - )
but i digress, we don't need a bloody state what we want is the return of our kingdom (Ijebu Kingdom).

We have those pesky Brits to thank for destroying a great kingdom. The Ijebu monopoly on the trade routes between Lagos and Ibadan led to the Battle of Yemoja River in 1892, as the Ijebus don't like to fight (we're lovers oops sorry 'traders' not fighters) it turned out to be a very short fight with the Brits. It seems our 'jazz' (our homegrown juju) doesn't work that well against Maxim guns.

But seriously who really wants an Ijebu state, apart from thieving politicians looking for relevance and other avenues to divert government funds into their own pockets.

British Airways...Latest

2008-04-23T06:56:00.004+01:00

It seems our government has finally woken up
From the Nigerian Guardian

Yar'Adua orders probe of British Airways incident

PRESIDENT Umaru Musa Yar'Adua has directed the Minister of State for Transportation (Aviation), Mr Felix Hyatt, to begin an urgent investigation into a March 27, 2008 incident in which British Airways (BA) allegedly ordered more than 100 Nigerians off its London to Lagos flight "for protesting against the brutal treatment of a deportee aboard."

Yar'Adua, who is in Germany for a medical review, asked Hyatt to take all necessary measures and protect "the travelling public from the humiliation they face daily from foreign airlines."
A source told The Guardian that the President had seen reports of the incident from the British media, expressing "disgust" at the "seeming non-chalant attitude of BA officials."

He, therefore, directed that since the minister has not forwarded any report of the incident to his office, he should be formally written to investigate the incident and report back to him.
The source added: "The President is said to be concerned by the recent resurgence of complaints about the poor treatment, discrimination and downright abuse meted out to Nigerians by some foreign airlines operating in the country.

"The President has also directed the minister to make it absolutely clear to all foreign airlines operating in Nigeria that under no circumstance will his administration tolerate the subjection of Nigerian passengers to less than acceptable standards of treatment."

The Foreign Syndrome

2008-04-22T18:06:00.009+01:00

According to Sahara Reporters, Yardy suffers from "Churg-Strauss Syndrome"
a quick search on Google reveals the symptoms of this disease are - Asthma, Lung abnormalities, Kidney, abdominal, or heart problems because of blood vessel inflammation, Weakness and fatigue (malaise), Loss of appetite (anorexia) and weight loss.
http://rarediseases.about.com/cs/churgstrauss/a/120702.htm

It sounds like a very serious disease indeed, serious enough for him to make regular trips to Germany, because we don't have the necessary facilities in Nigeria or the experts.....

Another quick search on Google reveals that we do have experts in Nigeria who know about this disease, there is a W.A Olowu (of the Paediatric Nephrology and Hypertension Unit, Obafemi Awolowo University Teaching Hospital) who published a report about Churg-Strauss Syndrome (CSS) in 2006 in Clinical Rheumatology (A medical journal)

This whole business of our leaders (Yardy for CSS, Atiku for a sprained ankle, Obj for Psychotherapy.. joking) travelling abroad for health care got me thinking.

Is there still anything we can do by ourselves?
Our currency is printed abroad, our petrol is refined outside the country (because all our refineries are not working), the ballot papers used in our elections is printed in South Africa... anything else that can't be moved is handled by the Chinese.

We can't conduct elections, we can't defend our citizens, we can't provide electricity, we can't provide....,
no point listing all our failings here, i'm sure you get the idea..

but i digress, I think the time has come to outsource the only thing still done by Nigerians, running the country. This time around we don't need western expertise, we can call on other African countries who seem to be doing a better job, to help us out (at least thats a less bitter pill to swallow)

Ghana could run our Government as they seem to be doing a good job running their own country.
Republic of Benin could be in charge of organising our elections, their last elections were regarded as free and fair.
Niger Republic could sort out the power situation, even though they import electricity from us, they seem to have a regular supply, so they must be doing something right.
Botswana could manage our economy, they run theirs well and there's hardly any corruption.

Or we could just hand over everything to the Chinese, they probably own most of the country anyway..
-----------------------------
Do as i say not as i do

Nigeria: Minister Locks Out Staff
http://allafrica.com/stories/200804220278.html

FOREIGN Affairs Minister, Chief Ojo Maduekwe yesterday locked out hundreds of his staff out of the ministry's premises for reporting late for work.
An eyewitness informed Vanguard that on arrival at the ministry's headquarters in Abuja, some minutes past 8.00 a.m., the minister ordered the security men on duty to lock all the entry points to the premises.
[SNIP]
Meanwhile, a number of foreign affairs staff who did not disclose their names, were not impressed by the Minister's actions. According to them, though the resumption time was 8am, the gates were locked within the permitted 30 minutes grace period.

They further revealed that the Minister was not leading by example considering he rarely resumed duties earlier than 12pm.

I was just about to commend the minister but then i read the last paragraph...
-------------------------------------

'Perfectly normal' to China (Africans buying weapons to kill each other)

China may recall Zimbabwe weapons
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/africa/7360438.stm

The ship carrying weapons to Zimbabwe may return to China after being prevented from unloading in South Africa, a Chinese official has said. Zambia's president has called on other African countries not to let the ship enter their waters, in case the arms escalate post-election tensions.

Chinese Foreign Ministry spokeswoman Jiang Yu said the weapons were ordered last year and were "perfectly normal".

China is definitely not a friend of Africa, they sold the weapons used by the Sudanese government in Darfur and now they're selling weapons to Zimbabwe, which Mugabe will surely use against the opposition.

Karma, Delusions, Mad Men and a Happy Ending...

2008-04-18T21:52:00.007+01:00

...A Typical Week in Naija Politics

The 'No shit sherlock' quote of the week
"There's a very huge anti-Obasanjo sentiment in the country now"
- Iyabo Obasanjo (suddenly realising how everyone in the country has felt about her dad since 2005)

When the tables turn...
Nigeria senator 'fears for life'
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/africa/7351372.stm
The daughter of Nigeria's ex-leader Olusegun Obasanjo has told the BBC she fears for her life after being charged by the nation's anti-corruption agency.
Sen Iyabo Obasanjo-Bello was named in a fraud case that led to the resignation of two health ministers. Her comments come after anti-corruption agents raided her home in an attempt to bring her in for questioning.
"I'm not on the run but I feel as if I'm a victim of harassment... I'm afraid for my life," she said.

There's a popular Yoruba proverb, "opa ti a fi na iyaale ni, o mbe l'aja fun iyawo" [translated as 'the whip with which the first wife was beaten is kept inside the ceiling for the new wife'].

I find it interesting that once again the things Obj put in place while he was in power are now been used against him. Back in 1995 when he was tried by Abacha's government for "suspicion of concealment of treason", he had promulgated the decree that made this 'crime' an offence when he was in power in the 70s.
Now it's the EFCC (which he created and used to terrorise his opponents), that is been used against his family.
Karma is a bitch....

also see OBJ, A True National Leader
For someone who wanted history to remember him as the man who "saved Nigeria", i doubt he ever thought things could turn out this way. [SNIP]

..Obj has always wanted to be remembered as a "national" leader, well he is now, as in almost everyone in the country now hates him. That's not an easy achievement in 'multi ethnic', 'multi religious', 'multi everything' Nigeria. Even in his backyard - Abeokuta, praise for him is muted. Abacha, horrible as he was, still had support in his hometown...
-----------------------------------
Another Delusional rant from the INEC Boss
Election nullification: PDP is paying for its sins - Maurice Iwu
http://odili.net/news/source/2008/apr/16/613.html

APPARENTLY reacting to the spate of nullification of governorship elections won by the Peoples Democratic Party (PDP) across the country by the election petition tribunals and appeal courts, chairman of the Independent National Electoral Commission (INEC), Professor Maurice Iwu, said the PDP was paying for its sins of imposition of candidates during its primaries.

Professor Iwu stated this while delivering a lecture entitled: “The April 2007 Elections in Nigeria: What went right” at the University of Ibadan.

What went right???? is this man taking the piss or what ?
----------------------
Inspector General finally admits what everyone already knows about Nigeria's men in black
There are madmen in the police – Okiro
http://odili.net/news/source/2008/apr/18/500.html

Inspector General of Police (IGP), Mike Okiro, yesterday admitted before the House of Representatives that there are serving members of the Nigeria Police that are mentally derailed.

--------------
We also found out this week that the Edo state commissioner for information died from a 'Happy ending'
Edo commissioner died on top of woman - IG
http://odili.net/news/source/2008/apr/18/607.html

According to the police boss, the police investigation into the matter revealed that the late commissioner was in the hotel with a female friend, a student of the University of Benin. Both were said to be in the hotel room without any luggage.

No Gays please but Paedophiles welcome

2008-04-14T16:52:00.005+01:00

Nigeria: Sex Abuse - Parents of Toddler-Victim Reject Judgement
http://allafrica.com/stories/200804141214.html

An NGO, the Women's Rights and Protection Alternative (WRAPA), has vowed to appeal against the judgment of a court which gave an accused rapist an option of fine.

An Upper Area Court in Lafia had sentenced Stephen Takure to 12 months imprisonment with an option of N3,000 fine for sexually abusing a toddler.

[SNIP]
Mr. Mohammed Ya'u and his wife, the parents of the one year-old victim of sexual abuse, had petitioned to WRAPA, shortly after the Area court's judgment.

"Our daughter of one year, nine months was on February 19, sexual assaulted by our neighbour, Stephen Takure, a 27-year old man.

"The case was reported to Divisional Police Headquarter in Mararaba, Nasarawa State where the suspect was arrested and the case transferred to force CID in Lafia," Yau said.

"At the end of the day all we got was a judgment of 12 months imprisonment, with N3,000 option of fine and N20,000 compensation for medicals.

------
This is an Outrage!!!.
Just in case you missed it, the man was given the option of a 3000 naira fine (thats about £15/$25) or 12 months in jail for raping a one year old girl..... this is happening in the same country where the government is proposing a five year jail term for anyone 'convicted of being openly gay or practising gay sex with a consenting adult'
Do we not think there's something seriously wrong with our priorities??? Where is Akinola and the other religious nutters? Where are the people shouting about immorality in our society? Where are the laws that protect our kids from monsters like Stephen Takure? Where is Senator Eme Ekaette? (the silly woman making noise about indecent dressing)

Gary Glitter and his ilk might as well move to Naija, No Gays please but Paedophiles are certainly welcome...

also see 'getting our priorities Straight' (blog posting from january 2006)

Boycott BA - 2

2008-04-13T13:01:00.005+01:00

The Guardian's Reuben Abati has also added his own two kobo to the issue, here's his article from Nigeria Village Square

Ayodeji Omotade vs. British Airways
By Reuben Abati
On one or two internet sites, particularly Nigerian Village Square, Nigerians are up in arms against the airline, British Airways over the maltreatment of 135 Nigerian passengers and one Ayodeji Omotade on a March 27, 2008, BA flight to Lagos from Heathrow, London. Readers of Omotade's story, which he tells with transparent pain and agony have been asked to send protest comments to the CEO of British Airways, amid nationalistic calls for the boycott of British Airways by Nigerian passengers. It is strange that more than a week later, there has been no response from British Airways to this public relations crisis on its Lagos route. It is either the public relations managers of British Airways are asleep, or they have chosen to treat this as a piece of irritation, or they are assured that since the protesters are angry internet commentators, their indignation would soon pass unnoticed.

If the latter reason explains the seeming arrogance of British Airways and its CEO, then it clearly underestimates the influence of internet journalism. With increasing ICT penetration and access to interconnectivity, more persons are spending more time daily on the world wide web, which they now rely on for a broad range of activities including conversation, romance, therapy and education. The number of Nigerians, especially in diaspora, who falls into this category continues to increase, the same with internet sites on Nigerian affairs, with the most active and the most interactive being in my estimation, the Nigeria Village Square.

No serious business should take any debate about its affairs on the internet lightly. Nor should it underestimate the increasing power and influence of citizen journalists, those ordinary men and women who practice journalism simply because they have a story to tell, and they are so moved by events they cannot afford to keep quiet. But the story of Omotade's agony is told not just in Nigeria Village Square, it was also reported in The Mirror of London.

What is missing in The Mirror report, but which Omotade provides in his own account is the ordeal which he, Omotade, is now undergoing in the hands of the British authorities. He has been charged to a Magistrate court. Investigators are asking him to provide pay slips and bank statements to enable them establish the source of the money that was found in his possession. British Airways kept his luggage for more than a week; when it was returned, one of the bags was damaged.

Omotade was not a Naomi Campbell, playing the prima donna and slapping policemen at the airport, his only offence was that he dared to speak up for a compatriot in distress who was being deported back to Nigeria and who was screaming: "I go die". He is being punished and victimized, he has now been banned from flying British Airways for life (!), for being outspoken. The other 135 passengers had also protested, but Omotade had to be singled out by British Airways as a scapegoat. Omotade may at the end of the day get the apology and the compensation that he seeks, but to get to that point, he should assert his rights beyond mere complaints on the internet, send a formal complaint to BA, go to court, but it is the mindset, the sociology of air travel, the politics, that has informed his maltreatment that should be addressed.

Since 1999, the Nigerian government has been making efforts to work on Nigeria's image abroad, to transform the country from being regarded as one of the last outposts of military dictatorship into an open, democratic society, but whatever has been done and gained in this regard has been hobbled by the grand failure of domestic policy, and the failure, also, of national character. Nigeria remains in the eyes of the world, a country that is badly run, badly led and whose citizens in desperation have taken to a life of constant emigration and crime. Every Nigerian that shows up in a foreign land, including African countries, is immediately regarded as a security risk. We have this strange image out there of a loud, ungovernable people, in whose inner recesses exists a craving for the short cut and disdain for rules and standards.
It is the likes of that deportee on that British Airways flight who have brought this opprobrium on our heads, it is the likes of Obasanjo, godfathers like Adedibu and all the thieving Governors and Ministers, whose stories are well known in Europe and the United States who have brought us so much undeserved shame. The deportee kept shouting: "I go die" .

Even in his distress, it was probably simulated, his compatriots felt for him and tried to defend his right to live. But the British flight crew must have stretched the situation into the hall of prejudices: the pilot had to evict the Nigerian passengers because he had imagined that their complaints could have ended up as "a hijack operation". "Can't put anything past these Nigerians", he must have concluded.
We are the victims of some of the worst stereotypes, and profiling systems, in the world. A young lady travelled to Mauritius recently only to discover that every Nigerian is referred to suspiciously as "the Green Passport" by the people of Mauritius. We are not the only country in the world using a green passport, but ours is the only green passport that carries a stigma.

It is not only the British Airways that is guilty. Hotels, restaurants, super markets, foreign government authorities all treat Nigerians suspiciously. A credit card originating from Nigeria is subjected to more than ordinary scrutiny. Ayodeji Omotade is a British citizen but that did not stop the BA and the British police from treating him shabbily. If he is Nigerian, then there must be something about him. So, they refused to listen to his pleas that he had not committed any crime or disrupted the activities of the almighty British Airways. They had to investigate the source of the one thousand six hundred pounds (about $3, 200) that they found on him.
They probably thought he could be a money laundering agent for one of those corrupt Nigerian public officials. They have seen so many in the recent past, they would rather not take any chances. But there was a curious class dimension to the politics of the British Airways flight. Only the passengers in the economy cabin were evicted.
Now, economy passengers on Nigerian routes have quite a reputation with all airlines. They are loud, they carry excess luggage, and when you pry into that luggage, they are either transporting cray fish and snails into England or they are going back into their country with bagfuls of toothpaste, chocolate, toilet rolls, and so on.
This kind of behaviour sends signals of poverty and underdevelopment, and so those funny hostesses treat economy passengers on Nigerian routes snobbishly, sometimes, they spray disinfectants straight into your face! Often times, I suspect they think we are bringing lice aboard the flight.

We must link all of this to the unusual vigilance that any flight to or from Nigeria generates at foreign airports. All the dogs are brought out, all the guns are cocked, all eyes are on us. We are treated like terrorists, but terrorists of a different kind. The Ministry of Foreign Affairs under Ojo Maduekwe has been talking about citizen diplomacy. This is a major area of assignment for Ojo and his team.
The ordinary Nigerian citizen out there in the world, be he a crook or a gentleman is entitled to the protection of the Nigerian government, insisting on his right to human dignity. But the best way to earn the respect of the world, for the country and its citizens is to run a country where things work, a country that is truly deserving of respect. Much of what goes into human relations is visual. We have a continuing challenge to turn Nigeria into a visual delight not the eyesore that it is at the moment.

Having dealt with the internal dimension of the problem, let me now add that the arrogance of the British Airways authorities is insufferable. This arrogance derives in part from the unusual dominance that BA enjoys on the Lagos-London -Lagos route, making this route one of the most profitable worldwide for the airline. This has not translated into due courtesy to Nigerian travellers, rather it has encouraged contempt on the part of the airline.
The Nigerian aviation authorities must take a second look at the London route, and open it up a bit more, make it more competitive and offer Nigerians a wider range of choices. Would BA ban anybody for life on its airline, just for expressing an opinion, if it did not think we are still in the era of British imperialism?

In specific terms, the Bilateral Aviation Services Agreement (BASA) between Nigeria and Britain allows 21 frequencies for British airlines and 21 frequencies for Nigerian airlines on the Lagos-London route. But at the moment, the British Airways enjoys more frequencies than other airlines, it flies into Lagos and into Abuja, and sometimes it does so more than seven times in a week. Why? The 21 frequencies for Nigerian airlines is shared by Bellview, Arik Nigeria and Bellview.

The 21 frequencies for British airlines is meant to be shared by Virgin Atlantic, British Airways, and British Midlands. But British Midlands is not on the route. British Airways currently uses its frequency, granting it an undue advantage and even when it exceeds its quota, Nigerian aviation authorities look the other way. The British Airways authorities need to be reminded that when General Sani Abacha banned the British Airways in the recent past, and BA had to relocate to Ghana, the airline almost bled to death. Also, in the post-9/11 season when BA scaled down n its trans-Atlantic operations, it was sustained largely by its Lagos-London route and the ever traveling crowd of Nigerians. All Nigerian customers of British Airways deserve more respect than they seem to be currently getting.
-------------------------------------------------
BA is a Bad Airline

Check out the number of websites with complaints about this company, if you wanted to register the domain 'boycottBA' or 'BritishAirways sucks', forget it, it seems this company has a long history of treating its customers like shit..

BA Boycott.com
British Airways Sucks.com
Complaints Board: British Airways
BA worst in Europe for lost bags and delays (The Times)
British Airways: The world's least favourite airline? (The Times)
British Airways top airline for lost luggage
British Airways Passenger Dies, Remorseful Airline Promptly Loses His Luggage

Boycott BA

2008-04-11T12:09:00.009+01:00

From Nigeria Village Square

British Airways removes 136 Nigerians from Flight

On the 27th of March 2008 at about 12:30pm, I boarded the British Airways flight BA75 and I went straight to seat 53C.

On getting to my seat, there were noises from an individual being forcibly restrained but who was not visible because some police officers and some plain clothes people held him down. The noise continued for more than 20 minutes and I was concerned because the individual was screaming in agony and shouting in pidgin English “I go die” meaning, I will die. I pleaded with the officers not to kill him and my exact words were “please don’t kill him”.
The British Airways staff said that the officers were doing their jobs and that nothing was going to happen. The noise became louder and other passengers started getting concerned and were complaining especially about their safety. The situation continued for another 15 minutes after I got on.

Eventually, a member of the cabin crew announced that the passenger was going to be removed and the passenger was removed from the plane and we all thought that was the end of the situation.
Five minutes later, two members of the cabin crew arrived with about 4 police officers and told me to get off the plane. I asked what the matter was and they said that I was not going to travel with the airline because the cabin crew thought I had been disruptive by questioning the noise being caused by the person that was removed. I pleaded with them that I was going for my brother’s wedding and that I had all his stuff with me.

I was dragged out of the plane as if I was resisting arrest. As we got to the corridor that linked the plane with the terminal building, I was slammed against the wall and made to sit on the floor. I was still pleading with them telling them that they had completely misunderstood me and that I was only complaining about the situation regarding the disturbances caused by the deportee they were trying to restrain and subdue. I was on the floor for about 20 to 25 minutes.
Another passenger was brought to the corridor as well and he was also pleading with the officers.

I was later put in the back of the police van at about 1:50pm and I was locked up there for about an hour or more still handcuffed. I was formally arrested approximately 2:30pm and my rights were read to me. Before the arrest in the van, I managed to reach for my pocket and brought out my mobile phone. I made some phone calls to my wife, sister and a friend while the low battery sign was on because I was all alone and still handcuffed.

I was later driven to the police station where I was formally checked in. I was in police custody for almost 8 hours and later released on bail after the interview with the duty solicitor and the detectives. I had £473.00 on me which was seized as well as £90.00 sent to my mother in-law from my sister in-law and £1,050.00 given to me by my cousin who is a doctor for the upkeep of his parents in Nigeria. All the money together was £1,613.00.

I was told that I would appear in a magistrate court to prove the money was not meant for crime or proceeds of crime. The officer told me that they will like to see traceability and that I needed my payslips and bank account detailing my payments and withdrawals as well as my cousin’s payments and withdrawals.

I was released but without the money. I made my way to terminal 4 and arrived there at about 12:30am but the British Airways kiosks were closed. I was directed to the staff room and told them that I wanted to rebook my trip to Lagos. A lady told me to give her my ticket and she stated that British Airways has banned me from travelling with them indefinitely and that only the managers can use their discretions because I was a ‘disruptive passenger’.
I requested for my 2 piece luggage and she told me that the section will be opened later at about 5:30am and I will be escorted in to collect them. I slept on the chair and waited till about 5:30am and attempted to rebook my ticket but was told that British Airways refused to take me. I decided to go and pick up my stuff and I was told that my luggage were missing. I was handed a form with reference number LONBA90924.

At this point, I became totally stranded because I could not leave without my luggage because it contained my brother’s wedding suit, shirts and accessories.

I was on the phone with my wife and she wanted to book an alternative flight that departs at 10:15am so that I could make it for the wedding. This was not possible because British Airways refused to disclose where my luggages were and did not remove my luggage from the flight when they called the police to arrest me.

On Monday 31st of March, I appeared at the Magistrate court but was told that a decision was made about the £1,613.00 that was seized from me. The police had been granted a further 90 days to hold on to the money pending their investigation. I was given the officer’s details . He requested 12 months bank statements and 6 months payslip to prove that the £473.00 that belongs to me was not proceeds of crime and also requested that the £1,050.00 that was given to me by my cousin for his parents should also be traced to my cousin’s 12 months bank statement and 6 months payslip. DC Webster has promised to write me detailing these requests.

Still on Monday 31st of March 4 days after I was taken off the plane, I made extra efforts to find out the whereabouts of my 2 piece luggage (LONBA90924), because they have not been sent to my address as promised by calling the lost baggage section at 13:44hrs and spoke to a man called Neil who said that, it is difficult for them to trace my bags and that there is a strong possibility that they might be in Lagos. He suggested that I should call back in 24 hours.

Eventually, one week and one day later, my bags were brought to me at home. One was badly damaged and the other was intact. British Airways delibrately made sure I missed the wedding because if they were kicking me off their flight, they would have removed my bags from the flight. They were all there when the police officers made me to sit on the floor and heard me pleading to allow me fly for my brother's wedding. I could have made either KLM or Virgin Nigeria the following Friday morning.

I will not want to believe that the authorities involved in the situation deliberately or cleverly punished me unnecessarily out of frustration for not being able to restrain or subdue a deportee or that I as a fee paying passenger was accused of affray with violence when I was voicing my concerns about the disturbances caused by the deportees. I never mentioned any abusive or swear words neither was I physically threatening anyone.

My luggage mysteriously was lost and I have been banned on all British Airways flights without a chance to say my part of the story to redeem myself. 135 passengers were asked to leave the flight because they expressed displeasure regarding the disturbances caused by the deportees and the officers trying to restrain him. My ticket was even refused to be endorsed by BA to enable me to fly with another airline. I need full compensation of my loss and also a letter of apology from British Airways.

Regards

Ayodeji Omotade

----------------------------------------

News Report as reported by The Mirror

The Petition - Nigerians boycott British Airways
My Previous Experience with BA - Complaints about foreign airlines flying to Nigeria

The things that irritate..

2008-04-09T11:20:00.009+01:00

The way everyone automatically assumes all black people support Barack Obama

The prevalence of low quality "African stations" on Sky Digital, is it too much to ask for just one good quality station that actually broadcasts in digital? By the time BEN and AIT gets round to broadcasting in HD, the technology will be obsolete..

The way every naija assumes the following;
1. Everyone loves football (i don't hate it, i just find it incredibly boring)
2. Everyone is religious (don't even get me started on this issue..)
3. Everyone is impressed by cars (it's just a thing that gets me from A to B, i don't need prayers and congratulatory messages when i buy a new one. I doubt if anyone will offer prayers if i bought a bike)

The pop ups on Nigeria world, the site is gradually turning into a porn site with all the pop ups and pop unders, the damn site even crashed my pop up killer application.
I know the site has to make money but there are better ways of doing this.

Naijas who give their kids ridiculous names, it's bad enough that we give our kids English names but do we have to give them names like 'Marvellous' ??

People who refer to African ethnic groups as 'tribes', we don't have fucking tribes, we have ethnic groups. No one refers to the English or the Irish as tribes so why should anyone call the Hausas, Yorubas or the Ibos, tribes ??

Naija 'Coconuts', dumb asses who think because they've finally got a British passport they are no longer naijas, behaving as if 'know be naija dem born them', you see them all the time at the Nigerian High Commission, feigning ignorance about everything Naija, some going to the ridiculous extent of getting a visa to visit Naija, instead of using or applying for a Nigerian passport (and yes Naija allows dual nationality, IBB promulgated the decree in 1992)

Working class Brits whining about immigration, if you got off the fucking dole, the Poles won't come here to take 'your job'.

'Yoofs' on the bus, who play music on their mobiles without using their headphones.

The way the media still goes on about Princess Diana, conspiracy or not? who cares?, she is dead. Her kids have moved on, even her ex husband has married the 'horse' he was having an affair with while married to her, why can't everyone else get over it and let the poor woman rest in peace.

The TV licence, yes i pay for it but if the BNP promised to abolish the damn thing, I WILL vote for them..

--------------------------
Comical stories of the week

Catholic Church takes over in Anambra State
http://naijanet.com/news/source/2008/apr/8/1000.html

It is now illegal to encourage the use of condoms in southeast Nigeria's Anambra State. The state government has also banned the advocacy and distribution of other forms of contraceptives including IUDs (intrauterine device) and any other "un-natural" birth control.
--

Snakes in A Jail (The new Nollywood version of 'Snakes on a Plane')
http://allafrica.com/stories/200804090250.html

THE Movement for the Emancipation of the Niger Delta (MEND), yesterday raised alarm over an alleged plot to poison its detained leader, Henry Okah (using snakes)
SNIP
The specie of snake found in Henry Okah's dungeon has been identified. The one killed today is the most poisonous. It is called 'Gobe da nisa'; meaning "tomorrow is too far" in the Hausa language of northern Nigeria. If the snake bites tonight, the victim must die before the next day.

Back to life

2008-04-01T12:39:00.004+01:00

I'm back!!! Not that i went anywhere... it has just been an extremely busy month for me because i was off sick for a while.
anyhoo it's back to my usual cynical self, unfortunately i missed a few funny news stories doing the rounds last month;

Two "Visions" disagree over Yardy’s fate
http://www.tribune.com.ng/23032008/news/news3.html

Lagos state Reps Launch new 419 scheme
http://www.obamanigeria.org/#?w=nigevents&id=1

There's something fishy going on
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/africa/7306601.stm
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BA, where is my Fucking bag?
was the question one of my friends was asking a few days ago as British Airways new Heathrow terminal T5, went into melt down.
It seems the whole thing has turned into another British cock-up, makes you wonder how the brits managed to colonise the rest of us? ; )

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The Great 'Black' hype
I was hoping i wasn't going to make any comments on the two US democratic party presidential hopefuls till one of them was out of the race. Is it just me or is there anyone out there equally as bored with the current media hysteria over everything Obama, the whole race is gradually turning into an episode of American idol..

I must have missed something, but when did Obama go from being Mixed race to black? if he lived in Kenya i doubt anyone there will regard him as black (in most of Africa mixed race people are regarded as White). In race conscious America, Obama is black only because one of his parents is black, and now the media has turned him into the Great 'black' hype.

A Pyrrhic Victory for Nigeria

2008-02-28T18:18:00.010Z

Pyrrhic
from Pyrrhus, king of Epirus, who defeated Roman armies at Asculum, 280 B.C.E., but at such cost to his own troops that he was unable to follow up and attack Rome itself, and is said to have remarked, "one more such victory and we are lost."

Forget all the legal technicalities or 'jagba jantis' as my peeps will say, spewed by the Presidential tribunal judges to justify their decision, we all know no 'real' elections took place last year. I suppose the dilemma facing the judges is the implication of annulling 'elections that never happened'.
Anyone who loves Naija will shudder at the thought of INEC (currently headed by a delusional Maurice Iwu) organising another major election. One doubts if they could successfully organise an 'owambe' party.

T.I.N (This is Naija)
Considering the number of election results cancelled, you would think Maurice Iwu and other top officials of INEC would have done us all a favour and resigned, but ahem.. this is naija now, where the concept of responsibility is as alien as regular power supply from PHCN.
So I'm not surprised that INEC, according to news reports, is now "basking in the euphoria of Tuesday's dismissal of the two major petitions against the last April presidential elections".

According to INEC's chief spokesman, Mr. Phillip Umeadi
"INEC has consistently held that the outcome of the 2007 presidential election reflected the intent of Nigerian voters. The firm and consistent assertion by the commission on the outcome of the election derived from an advantaged insight as well as an impartial and unsentimental analysis of the election,"
{snip}
"By the ruling of the Court of Appeal in the Presidential Election Petitions, more so the unanimous verdict of the eminent judges, INEC has been vindicated in the outcome of the 2007 presidential election."

http://allafrica.com/stories/200802280006.html

Excuse me while I go outside and throw up (I'm bullshit intolerant)

but i digress
I found it extremely difficult to support the tribunal's verdict because of its implications, in order to keep the peace, we've all acquiesced to an illegal act, the same thing will probably happen in 2011 and beyond.
There's a funny igbo proverb i heard recently which translates as; "since the hunters have learnt to shoot without missing, the birds have learnt to fly without perching."
We were lucky this time because the main combatants are from the same part of the country. The next time this sort of thing happens, the aggrieved party may choose to by pass the courts and settle the matter Kenya style.

Meanwhile
Some have suggested that this victory will be the much needed tonic Yardy needs to become 'Super' Yardy as opposed to 'Alhaji Go Slow', 'Yawn'Adua', Learner Driver, Yar 'Asleep etc
Somehow i doubt it...

Pyrrhic Victory

2008-02-26T13:49:00.007Z

Yardy "wins"
A Nigerian tribunal has dismissed both opposition petitions asking that President Umaru Yar'Adua's election last year be annulled.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/africa/7263534.stm

No suprises there, the result was as expected.
I guess it's the lesser of two evils, annulling the presidential election will have taken us into uncharted territory, and we all know "uncharted territory" in Africa is an extremely dangerous place.

And another one down, Another one bites the dust
David Mark, President of the senate, and Abia state governor, Theodore Orji have had their elections annulled by the election tribunals.
Unless the appeal court reverses the verdicts it's 'Asta la vista' to the £6 million man (Mark) and Orji, the Lord of the rings oops sorry shrine.

And in the Bizarre world of African politics:
Odinga In Nigeria, Meets Obasanjo (for what????)
Kenyan opposition leader, Raila Odinga arrived in Nigeria yesterday (friday) on a mission to find a lasting solution to the lingering political crisis in his country.

Odinga who arrived at the Presidential Wing of the Murtala Muhammed Airport, Lagos at about 10.55am in a chartered Cessna jet, rode in a convoy to Ota, Ogun State to see former President Olusegun Obasanjo, whom he described as a personal friend.
http://www.guardiannewsngr.com/

Whats that popular saying? show me your friend....

Battling blogger's block

2008-02-22T12:52:00.008Z

We all get it from time to time, fellow bloggers will know what i'm talking about, the dreaded 'blogger's block'. I have had it for the past few weeks. There's just been so much happening offline, meaning i'm spending less time online.

Reversal of a reversal
I wanted to blog about the 'reversal' of the Nitel sale but then i reversed my decision to blog about it when the whole thing was reversed again.
Is anyone sensing a pattern to the way this government works - go slow, reverse, forward then reverse again. It's official, Yardy IS a learner driver.
Still
Not much has been happening in Naija lately, as in stuff that gets my blood boiling or the positive stuff that gets you thinking about the future, a future where our kids grow up in the land of their ancestors as opposed to the land of their oppressors.

But i digress
Next tuesday Yardy will find out if he will remain in Aso rock. Now, unless you're Buhari or his other deluded partner - Atiku, Its clearly a no-brainer, Yardy (or Yawn'Adua as i like to call him) will still be in Aso rock next week.
Mr "Due process" has been learning a few tricks from his master, Obj (Anyone remember that nice move from Obj, when he suddenly declared a public holiday to delay the Supreme Court ruling on whether Atiku could take part the elections).
Yardy's move has been far more subtle.
Anyway, far from me to cast aspersions on the "integrity" of our President, but i did find it strange that the Chairman of the Presidential Elections Tribunals, Justice James Ogebe was nominated as a Supreme Court judge a few days ago.
Really makes you wonder if the rumours of bribery attempts are true.

100 Worst Nigerians
There is a thread running on NVS where contributors are asked to nominate the worst Nigerians, so far it seems Obj, Abacha and IBB are running neck in neck for the top spot.
May the worst man win.

Just in,
Man found guilty of model's death
A man has been found guilty of murdering teenage model Sally Anne Bowman outside her home. The 18-year-old's body was found next to a skip in Croydon, south London, in September 2005.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/london/7254628.stm

There are times i wish the UK government will bring back the death penalty, this case has gripped the local press (and recently the National press) in my neck of the woods.
It seems the jury did not buy his defence of not knowing his victim was dead until after he stopped having sex with her corpse.

Holiday blues

2008-02-04T12:28:00.000Z

We returned from the Canaries last week and i'm so not happy to be back. The press is full of all sorts of doom and gloom stories; global recession, credit crunch, house price crash blah blah blah
right now i wish i was back in Lanzarote sipping sangria, without a care in the world..

it's only a game...
Shame in defeat for Nigeria

I know i'm not a football fan so i can't possibly understand the pain of Naija losing to Ghana (as i've been told by fans of the round thing kicked around by 22 'overpaid' adults) but i do understand one thing, just like any other thing in life, sometimes you win and sometimes you lose.
So lets be happy for Ghana, hopefully some other team will beat them at the finals...

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Sacre Bleu

Kenya: Country Learnt Vote Rigging From Nigeria - Human Rights Watch

Washington's failure to condemn the rigging of Nigeria's election a year ago left the impression in Nairobi that vote fraud would be tolerated, a leading human rights group charged on Friday.
"Nigeria's leader came to power in a violent and fraudulent vote, yet he's been accepted on the international stage," Kenneth Roth, director of New York-based Human Rights Watch, said in a statement. "It's no wonder Kenya's president felt able to rig his re-election."

Na wah o, it's bad enough that our dear ex president - Obj (''father'' of modern Nigeria and much more - which may or may not include his own "grand children" lol) was not invited to pray and talk some sense to Kibaki and Odinga.
If Kibaki had sought advise from Obj prior to the election, Obj would have given him a few pointers on how to rig the election and avoid the current wahala.

methinks the Kenyan Army too needs a lesson from Naija on what to do when politicians throw their toys out of the pram.

view from Timanfaya

2008-01-25T22:22:00.000Z

Timanfaya (fire mountain) National Park in Lanzarote, Canary island

something out of Jerry Springer

2008-01-16T21:07:00.000Z

Poor Obj, since leaving power, its been one scandal or the other. Even Nollywood couldn't make up the current one doing the rounds. It takes a lot to shock me, but i'm stunned at the 'allegations' made by Obj's son - Gbenga Obasanjo

Either Gbenga Obasanjo has completely lost the plot or there is some crazy shit happening in that family..
Meanwhile who knew we had 'armchair psychologists' in naija, check out their anaylsis of the whole affair

Recommended reading
42 years ago (January 15 1966), Nigeria's first attempt at democracy ended with the violent overthrow of the government of Sir Tafawa Balewa. Six months later, there was another coup carried out by mainly Northern soldiers. These two events eventually led to the Nigerian civil war
check out Nowa Omoigui's excellent article on the events of 1966
Northern Nigerian Military Counter-Rebellion July, 1966

I'm outta here...
Out of the UK that is, till the end of the month
we're off to sunny Lanzarote..

Random Ms V

2008-01-11T16:37:00.000Z

Hideously White BBC

According to the Daily Mail the BBC is more "hideously white" than ever, after it was revealed that the number of black executives has dropped to the lowest in years. The BBC is planning to "fast-track" young ethnic staff to senior positions, which has led to accusations of positive discrimination.

This is such a bad idea, any black person working at the beeb unlucky enough to be "fast-tracked" into a senior position will find themselves hated by those below them and patronised by senior management.

This is another example of 'political correctness' gone mad. All ethnic minorities want, is a level playing field, we don't need to be patronised and fast-tracked into positions, so senior management can hit their ethnic quotas.

If the bbc feels guilty about ignoring ethnic minorities it should start with it's tv schedules. There are hardly any black shows (Crimewatch does not count ; - )) on the main BBC channels.
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Chris Rock rocks the house

"Is America ready for a black president? Is America ready for a woman president? We should be - we've just had a retarded one" - Chris Rock At the Hammersmith Apollo

One of my favourite stand up comedians, Chris Rock performed at the Hammersmith Apollo last night. It was one hell of a show, haven't laughed so hard in a long time.
If you're a fan of black stand up comedy, you should definitely go see him. Most shows are sold out but they might add some more dates due to demand.

ijebuman's 2007 awards

2008-01-02T15:35:00.000Z

Its that time again to look back on the previous year and identify the characters who made their mark on the Nigerian political scene. Here are ijebuman's personal awards to those who made 2007 an interesting year..

roll drums

The "Forrest Gump" award for the most retarded statement goes to INEC Chairman Maurice Iwu. Iwu described the April 2007 elections (AKA Naija's worst elections ever) as "a success that would be remembered for generations" (see http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/africa/6582891.stm)
No doubt the 'Selection' will be remembered but not as a success.

Iwu also wins the "David Blane" award for creating the 'magical' illusion called the April 2007 elections. Iwu shares this special award with former president - Obasanjo.

The "Mr Bean" award goes to the Attorney general of the federation - Michael Aondoakaa. According to the BBC, Nigeria's attorney-general has blocked efforts to recover millions of dollars looted by former Nigerian officials (especially in the James Ibori case)

Apparently Aondoakaa was not impressed that the brits did not show him the respect he deserves as a SAN (Senior Asshole of Nigeria), as the request for assistance was not personally signed by the home secretary, in a newspaper interview he whined that "A state counsel will send a request to me, not even his Home Secretary, and you want me to sign. No! Are you considering the bigger image of Nigeria?" (http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/africa/7113216.stm)

ijebuman wonders what image this idiot is talking about, would that be our image as one of the most corrupt countries in the world.
Aondoakaa also wins the "Johnnie Cochran" delusion award for services to the destruction of the legal process in Nigeria.

The "Return of the Jedi" award goes to Peter Obi for reclaiming his position as governor of Anambra state. Obi won the 2003 elections but Dr Chris Ngige was declared the winner.
Chris Ngige's victory was later overturned by the Court of Appeal in March 2006 and Obi was sworn in as governor but impeached five months later.
In February 2007 he won again at the court of appeal and was re-instated but then had to leave office at the end of May 2007. Obi returned to the courts again to argue that his term started in 2006, the supreme court of Nigeria agreed.

The force is defintely strong in Obi..

The "MJ (Michael Jackson)" award' goes to Obj, Just like Michael, Obj started well then he turned 'Bad' and 'Dangerous' and now we hope he is History...

The "Irreplaceable (to the left)" award goes to ex speaker of the House of Representatives, Patricia Etteh for thinking she was irreplaceable as speaker.
She thought because she had the support of her Godfather (Obj) she could hang on and weather the storm, unfortunately her fellow honourables did not feel the same way and she was forced to resign at the end of october 2007.
Etteh also wins the Good riddance award.

This year's "I'll do anything to meet a celebrity" award (the "celebrity" in this case is a 'lame duck' American President) goes to our current president, Yawn'Adua for telling George Bush on his recent visit to the white house "This is a moment that I'll never forget in my life" (see when Yardy met George)
defintely a cringeworthy moment..
Yardy also wins the 'Invisible man' award for services to invisibility.

The "Foot in mouth" award goes to a fellow blogger and the son of the former president, Dare Obasanjo for describing some poor sod that works for his dad as a 'servant'.
The resultant furore in the naija blogosphere created a lot of ''bad belle'' for Dare forcing him to restrict access to the pictures (after promising that he wouldn't do it lol)
You can still catch a glimpse of Obj's 'famous servant' here
http://naijaman.cfmxdeveloper.co.uk/diary/2007/04/objs-cribs.html
http://grandioseparlor.com/2007/04/a-presidential-servant/

see last year's ijebuman's 2006 awards

Happy Holidays

2007-12-26T12:10:00.000Z

"A new year is unfolding – like a blossom with petals curled tightly concealing the beauty within.” - anon

To all who frequent my blog, I wish you a belated merry xmas and a wonderful 2008

when Yardy met George

2007-12-19T13:49:00.000Z

"This is a moment that I'll never forget in my life" - Yardy

Seems like our president was a bit starstuck when he met George Bush last week.
What sort of President goes to the White house and says "This is a moment that I'll never forget in my life"
Someone give this guy some backbone, I felt like puking at the sight of Yardy behaving like some giggling schoolgirl on a first date. Ok i know the election that got him to power was flawed and he desperately needs US support, however for the time being he is still the President of the Federal Republic of Nigeria, not the president of some banana republic that relies on US aid.

If anything with China playing an increasing role in Africa and our large reserves of oil, America needs us now more than we need her.

Which brings me to the controversy over Africom (the United States Africa Command) . Last week there were reports that Yardy had agreed to work with the U.S to establish Africom

According to The Punch (December 14), Yar'adua told journalists inside the Oval Office of the White House at the end of his meeting with Bush, that Nigeria "will partner with AFRICOM not only in Nigeria but also on the continent to actualize the peace and security initiatives which is an initiative to help standby forces in each of the regional groupings in Africa."
http://allafrica.com/stories/200712190278.html

Here's the transcript of his speech on the white house website

We have discussed security issues and the security within Nigeria, itself, within the Niger Delta region and within the Gulf of Guinea. And we have also discussed security issues -- peace and security on the African continent. And we shall partner with (inaudible) to assist not only Nigeria, but also the African continent to actualize its peace and security (inaudible) initiative, which is an initiative to help standby forces of brigade-size in each of the regional economic groupings within the African continent.

Now I'm no conspiracy theorist but it seems strange that the part where Yardy probably mentioned "Africom" is the "inaudible" part (as in the part of his speech that was not clearly understood so was not transcribed).

Lost in Translation??
Meanwhile Yardy rather than go on NTA, FRCN or VON went on the "Hausa Service of the VOA" to deny he agreed to Africom.
in a subsequent interview with the Hausa Service of the VOA, the president denied he had accepted Africom. "I did not," he said, "accept Africom in my discussions with Bush. I asked for assistance and told Bush that we have our plans to establish bases for African countries. We asked for training on weapons and training to establish our bases to be managed by our people."
http://allafrica.com/stories/200712190278.html

Yardy, in keeping with the tradition of other northern leaders who have ruled Nigeria, says one thing to the rest of the country but says the opposite on the Hausa service of the BBC or VOA for northern consumption.

So was it really a faux pas??
methinks instead of keeping his eye on the ball, he was staring dreamy eyed into George Bush's eyes as if he was on a bloody date.

Random Ms IV

2007-12-07T16:57:00.000Z

So the whole missing data scandal finally hit home when i got a letter of apology from Her Majesty's Revenue and Customs (HMRC). According to the letter "The missing data includes you and your children's names and date of birth, bank account details..."

The letter ends with an assurance that "The copy of the data is still likely to be on Government property. The police are now conducting a search, there is no evidence that it is in the possession of anyone else."

The latest news is that HMRC is now offering a reward of £20,000 for information leading to the recovery of the data discs.
Really...
Have they checked on ebay? - http://www.theregister.co.uk/2007/11/21/hmarc_ebay_auction/

On a serious note, experts claim the loss of the two CDs containing 25m records including names, addresses and bank details is the UK's, and probably the world's, largest ever data loss.

GB's Crises
You don't have to be an economist to know that UK Plc is in for a bumpy ride next year when the effects of falling property prices, high fuel prices and the impact of the global credit crunch start to bite. Tony Blair must be pleased he handed over to Gordon Brown (GB) before the shit hit the fan.

Since GB became PM its been one fiasco after the other, from the Labour party funding row to the Northern rock crises, and now we hear NR staff will get a bonus and a one off xmas payment.
how nice, i wonder if that is coming out of the £25bn of taxpayers' money...
but i digress
I almost feel sorry for GB, but hey he wanted the job and he was prepared to take Blair down if he had stayed on (why is Tony Blair stepping down).
I can just imagine how Tony feels now. I think the Germans have a word for it, schadenfreude...

Yawn'Adua

2007-11-29T17:53:00.000Z

Its been six months since Yardy was sworn in as president and it seems he spends most of his time sleeping in Aso rock. Apart from a few policy reversals and a couple of statements about the rule of law, i can't think of anything else he has done in the past six months.
It seems he prefers to react to events, rather than taking the initiative. Who gives a rat's ass if he obeys court injunctions? (unlike Obj), thats not an achievement, it should be the norm in any true democracy.

It's a typical Nigerian trait to get carried away by the 'populist' actions of a new government. Reversing the policies of a previous government has always been the easiest way to win acceptance in naija. You don't need to formulate policies of your own, just reverse all the decisions of the previous government and everyone will hail you as the best thing to happen to Nigeria.

The true test of Yardy will be when he stops riding on Obj's coattails and formulates his own policies or when he has to deal with a major crises.

The Religion Delusion
I've just finished reading The God Delusion by Richard Dawkins, depending on your views of religion, you'll either love it or hate it. I loved it, so you can pretty much tell what my views are on religion.
Meanwhile, i stumbled on this excellent article on NVS - 'God to His Children: There is No God'
As usual the reaction from the respondents (mostly Nigerian) was not exactly surprising..

random musings III

2007-11-23T17:01:00.000Z

I swear i haven't stopped blogging i've just been distracted by events at work, the great big company i work for has recently merged with a bigger company and everyone is trying to adjust to the new political climate.

30 years and another boom
The whole oil price thing is doing my head in, especially when i have to buy diesel at £1 a litre (70p of that pound goes to the tax man as fuel duty and VAT).
Oil is currently trading at about $100, the last time oil was at similar levels was during the 70s, which is the period known in Nigeria as the 'Oil boom'. 30 years later and it seems history is repeating itself, except Naija has been so battered by the repercussions of that 'oil boom', that this time around it has hardly made much difference to most Nigerians unless you're lucky enough to be among the 1 percent of the population that continues to feed fat on the proceeds of our resources.

a feeling of deja vu
I found this report interesting - Nigeria sues over child smokers
According to BBC news
"The government is seeking an injunction compelling the companies to stop the marketing, distribution and sale of cigarettes to minors. It says that products sold by the companies are addictive and hazardous to public health."

But back in 2001
British American Tobacco (BAT) cash round reaches Nigeria

BAT is to invest $150m in Nigeria building a factory making internationally-recognised cigarette brands, and developing the country's tobacco farms. The investment was welcomed by Nigerian Industry Minister Kola Jamodu as a signal that Nigeria was "on track". "Substantial flows of investment are returning once more to Nigeria," he said.

makes you wonder what other "Substantial flows of investment" the government has signed up to. You'll think that in this day and age our government will understand the concept of no 'free lunch' or the fact that when it comes to Africa, western multinationals are only interested in exploiting the resources or taking advantage of the weak laws and no regulation.

Another one bites the dust..

2007-10-30T22:50:00.000Z

Clearly a 'breeze' of change is blowing across naija, I don't want to get too carried away that's why i did not call it a "wind of change", but anyway sha breeze dey blow small small and so far the main casualties are Etteh (madam speaker finally threw in the towel when the pressure became unbearable - http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/africa/7069654.stm) and her deputy, the governor of Rivers state - Celestine Omehia, Yardy's In law and Kebbi state governor - Usman Dakingari, Kogi state governor - Ibrahim Idris and Anambra state governor - Andy Uba (who was governor for only two weeks. ouch).

so who's next? i bet the following are having sleepless nights:
The six million £££pound man - David Mark
Adedibu's protege and governor of Oyo state - Alao Akala
The governor of Edo state - Oserheimen Osunbor
And the governors of Ekiti, Ondo, Osun, Enugu, Imo and Abia states. (see Anxiety grips governors)

who knows this 'breeze' might even turn into a category 5 hurricane and sweep Yardy himself...

a slightly delayed reaction

2007-10-12T18:12:00.000+01:00

to the HRW report.
The report (see previous post) makes sobering reading and leaves one with not much optimism about the future of the country. The government as usual will dismiss the report and accuse the organisation of trying to portray the country in a negative light.

denial of denial
We may choose to deny the issues raised in the report but our international partners, creditors, risk analysts etc will be taking a critical look at the report and will use it to access the circumstances in which they will do business with the country.

Meanwhile, no one seems to have noticed that the country has now moved up 10 places since last year to 17 on the failed list index (2007), above countries like Sierra Leone (23) and Liberia (27), (which is quite ironic considering the role our troops played in bringing 'peace' to the two countries).

Back in 2005, when CIA's long-term forecast for Africa suggested Nigeria could become a failed state in a couple of years, there was widespread condemnation. Obj (in his usual arrogant way) described the authors as "prophets of doom". He went on to say "If our detractors cannot see our far-reaching reforms, our fight against waste and corruption, the new culture of service delivery that is gradually emerging, the various political reforms... then they must have some dubious or diabolical benchmarks for measuring efforts"

Well thanks to Obj and the 'exceptional legacy' he left behind, the nightmare of a failed Nigeria is a likelihood today...

Criminal Politics - a report by HRW

2007-10-10T11:23:00.000+01:00

Human Rights Watch has released an extensive report on the political situation in Nigeria,
called Criminal Politics: Violence, “Godfathers” and Corruption in Nigeria
click here for the Pdf version

Highlights from the report:

in Yardy's state (and this was while he was still governor)
Direct State Sponsorship of Thugs in Katsina:
In at least one Nigerian state, Katsina, the state government paid money directly to
gangs of youth who were accused of carrying out widespread political violence in
return for those payments.
Nigerian President Umaru Yar’Adua served as Governor of Katsina State for eight years until being elected president in April 2007. According to former state government officials, civil society activists and PDP Youth members, his administration used state government money to maintain several thousand “PDP Youth” on a regular monthly stipend of N5000 ($38).

One former state government official told Human Rights Watch that this PDP youth organization was essentially a perversion of an initiative to empower unemployed youth in the state:

"Before 2003 the idea was brought at a Government House meeting to establish
television viewing centers in all of the wards. Some of us vehemently opposed this
on the basis that this was not an acceptable legacy to bequeath on the youth. [We]
suggested computer training centers. The idea was accepted but [later] this thing
suddenly became, “Let’s give them a N5000 allowance.” [These youth] have since
become a reservoir of thugs."
-----------------------------------
Akala suggests new career for Adedibu

The following is an excerpt from an interview with Christopher Alao Akala at his
campaign office in Ibadan two months prior to his election as Governor of Oyo State.
Human Rights Watch asked Alao-Akala to explain his relationship with Chief Adedibu
as well as Adedibu’s role in the politics of Oyo State:

"For God’s sake, this man is an old man, you cannot reform him, you can only manage him. This man has been in politics since politics began in Nigeria. Can you just wish him away like that? If you go to his house you will see pictures of all the past leaders he has worked with…

Chief Adedibu has sponsored everybody—everybody who is who and who in Oyo state politics has passed through that place.

This man belongs to an old school of thought. If, for example, he asked me, Mr. Governor, I want you to kill this one tomorrow I would say, “Yes, sir.” Then I would go back the following day and say, “Why do you want us to kill that man?”
Then I will provide another solution— we will not kill him, let us bring him to order. If he asked me for N100, I will say, “Yes, sir.” But then the next day, I will say, “Baba, I am sorry, I
don’t have the N100, here is N20 for you to manage.”
That is only an example.

I will recommend Baba [Adedibu] as a lecturer at the University [of
Ibadan] to teach, to lecture students about practical politics."

----------------------------
The Uba-Ngige's "Agreement"
The following are excerpts from a Human Rights Watch interview with Anambra State
political “godfather” Chris Uba at his Enugu residence in February 2007:

"I have been in politics from 1999 and even before, but 2003 is the time I produced a Governor for the State. Since that 2003 I have been handling the party—the PDP—and we have been doing well and we did not have any problem in the party.

When he [Ngige] became Governor he started playing funny. That is where we disagree, we signed before he became governor. We said that I am going to produce [appoint] six to seven Commissioners. He is going to produce [some] because he is governor already. I am going to produce more; he is going to produce lesser…

I spent a lot of money to put him there but I never asked him for my money back. Ngige was trying to be smart, trying to run the government on his own.…
The problem is Ngige being a politician who did not invest one naira, not even one kobo, wanted to run away with everything and not even share one appointment.

That is why he heaped this blackmail upon me…I cannot tell him to give me N3 billion because I know that he does not have it! The allocation to Anambra in one month is not up to N3 billion!
I am supposed to bring the Commissioner for Finance, this man who funded the campaign is supposed to be Commissioner of Works, I said, look, you signed it, and not under duress.

The problem is the immunity the governors are having, everything they are having, you spend your money to bring them into power and they say “Go to hell.”
It should be just like, you invest in a bank and then you have power to make some decisions because of your controlling shares. But he blackmails you and pays the press to go say all sorts of bad things about you and put it in the internet."

In the annex of the report is a copy of the "agreement" between Chris Uba (Godfather) and the former governor of Anambra state, Chris Ngige.

Che

2007-10-09T22:55:00.001+01:00

Che Guevara

June 14, 1928 – October 9, 1967

A great revolution in just one single individual will help achieve a change in the destiny of a society and, further, will enable a change in the destiny of humankind.” - Daisaku Ikeda

How to keep your Job (Naija style)

2007-10-03T14:16:00.001+01:00

Madam Speaker doing her own version of Amy Winehouse's 'rehab'

So you've been caught with your hands in the till (or in this case indicted for not following due process by awarding a contract to an unregistered company run by one of your aides).
No worries, here are a few tips on how to save your job;

1. The best form of defence is an attack, start by turning the tables on your opponents by accusing them of similar crimes.

2. Play the victim. Claim you've been set up and you know nothing about the allegations.

3. Employ a powerful Godfather to apply pressure on those in power.

4. Now is the time to bring out the GMGs "Ghana must go bags". Ensure you give one to anyone who is in a position to help you (at this stage "Everybody" would like to help you)

5. Play the Ethnic card by getting your "people" to accuse your opponents of trying to marginalise your ethnic group.

6. Employ Spiritual methods. Call on all pastors and imams to pray for you and Nigeria. If you attend a Pentecostal church, you can organise night vigils, prayer requests or make a large donation to your pastor to ensure he is on your case 24/7.

7. Employ other "Spiritual" methods. At times like this you can't rely on 'whiteman's religion' alone, you have to go "local".
If you're from the west, head over to Ijebu Igbo and employ the services of the best 'jazz' (juju) man around. If you're from the east, head over to Okija shrine while those in the north should employ the services of a marabout. (ensure it's not the same one Abacha and Atiku used)

8. Now is a good time to call on the traditional ruler in your part of the country that has the most influence. In the South west, the Oni of Ife is always ready to beg on behalf of any Yoruba subject accused of corruption or coup plotting.

9. Set up a fictional group called "concerned citizens of Nigeria", get the "group" to put out a full page ad in the news papers claiming there is a conspiracy against you. They should also list your "accomplishments" and declare you're the best ***** Nigeria ever had.

10. Employ good old "shakara". Declare that "it's God's will" that you got to your current position and by "God's grace" no one can remove you.

------------------------------------------------
I'm a celebrity, get me outta here

The speaker and her "aides" have launched a major media offensive to ensure she keeps her job when the house resumes later in the month.
In one of the papers yesterday her 'media consultant' accused certain members (members of the "integrity" ??? group) of the house of "bad belle".

Her aide went on to say that "In other lands, the first female Speaker would have become an instant star, to be adored and celebrated, but in Nigeria, detractors are saying "she is a hair dresser, as if Bill Gates, the world's richest man, was not a drop-out from Harvard." He chided Nigerians for not commending the Speaker, who saved the public till millions of naira by refusing to accept hotel accommodation or even collect money in lieu of it."

Etteh is Here to Stay, Aide Says
http://allafrica.com/stories/200710020232.html

47

2007-09-30T22:24:00.000+01:00

Nigeria gained it's independence 47 years ago.

Tafawa Balewa was 47 years (and 10 months) old when he became the first prime minister of Nigeria.

Life expectancy in Nigeria is now 47 years.

Nigeria is ranked 47 in the list of countries by GDP (Gross Domestic Product) (according to the CIA Factbook).

With an estimated population of 140 million people, Nigeria accounts for 47 percent of West Africa’s population.

UNDP (United Nations Development Programme) estimates the unemployment rate in Nigeria at about 47 per cent of the labour force.

During the colonial era, 47 percent of Nigeria's imports were from Britain.

The Chad - Nigeria border is about 47 miles in length.

Nigeria is an important member of OPEC (Organization of Petroleum Exporting Countries) which was established 47 years ago.

According to a study on Nigeria by the U.S. Library of Congress, 47% of Nigerians are reportedly of the Muslim faith.

I'm disgusted Part 3

2007-09-27T15:57:00.000+01:00

I'm disgusted Part 2
I'm disgusted Part 1

disgust
To excite nausea or loathing in; sicken.
To offend the taste or moral sense of; repel.

n.
Profound aversion or repugnance excited by something offensive.

dis·gust·ed
adj.
Filled with disgust or irritated impatience.
-----------------------------------------

Patricia Etteh (The 'DisHonourable' Speaker)
now that the panel investigating the whole "contract palaver" has submitted its report which has now confirmed that due process was not followed in the award of the contracts, lets hope she does the honourable thing and resigns.
meanwhile Transparency international's Corruption Perceptions Index is out. Nigeria is now ranked 147 out of a list of 179 countries.

Adedibu, the thug of Yorubaland
who died and made this idiot a spokesman for the Yorubas???
According to Adedibu, "Etteh is the only hope of the Yoruba in the Federal Government of Nigeria and any attempt by members of the House to remove her would therefore mean removing the Yoruba nation from the scheme of things in Nigeria"
http://allafrica.com/stories/200709190511.html
Awolowo must be rolling in his grave. I guess we have Obasanjo to thank for Adedibu's delusions of grandeur. After turning Oyo state into his own personal fiefdom, he now 'thinks' (and i use that word very loosely) that he is a spokesperson for the Yorubas..
I really hope the rest of the country doesn't fall for this type of ethnic blackmail 'cause if they did, we might as well kiss project nigeria goodbye. If Etteh is removed and other South West reps decline the position then I suggest someone else from another part of the country takes up the position.

Bisi Olatilo
Don't really know who the guy is, but i had the misfortune of watching his show on BEN TV recently. It shouldn't be called The Bisi Olatilo show, he should call it "the show where crooks and criminals flaunt their stolen wealth"
The episode i watched featured disgraced former governor of Bayelsa state - Diepreye Alamieyesiegha, returning "home in grand style". It was disgusting and revolting to watch and Olatilo's commentary only made it worse. At one point i could swear he described Alams as a celebrity..

so called 'anti-immigrants' here in the UK
(hiding their racist rhetoric under different guises)
sometimes the hypocrisy in this country makes me sick, check out the have your say page on the BBC news website in response to the news story about the police needing more resources to cope with the pressures caused by a sudden influx of migrant workers.
As usual it has attracted the usual vitriolic bigots.

"..in nearby St Ives there is even now a dedicated Polish supermarket. I feel like a foreigner in my own country and do not like it in the slightest," Amanda, Huntingdon

"What's this so called positive effect of immigrants ? The way they work for less than a living wage thereby pushing more Brits into the underclass/dole ? The way they refuse to integrate or even speak English so we have to provide translation services for them ? The way they take free healthcare and schooling thereby ensuring that the quality goes down for the rest of us ? Their impact on housing, making it more difficult for Brits to find good accommodation ?"
BBC News:have your say
So the Poles force down wages, big fucking deal, the brits push up property prices (pricing out the locals) everywhere they go.
Bloody Hypocrites, these are probably the same people who buy a second property in Spain or France and refuse to integrate with the local community, yet scream that foreigners do not want to integrate.
European integration works both ways, the Poles et al have a right to be here same way the Brits have a right to live in the Spanish costas and sip sangría.

Windows Vista & Microsoft
I don't care about all the 'cool' visual stuff in vista, i just want to install and run my programs without an annoying feature called "User Account Protection" bugging me with silly messages.
The only good thing about vista is that it allows you to switch back to an "XP like view" (as in the look and feel of windows XP), that option will save you a lot of time otherwise spent trying to figure out where microsoft hid all the old features.
No choice...
Vista came pre loaded on my new laptop so i didn't have much choice (normally wouldn't think of upgrading until they've released service pack 2 ).
God knows if Microsoft built cars, every time they released a new model, we'll all have to go back to driving school to figure out how to drive the damn thing. .

tbc..

Prince at the O2 Arena

2007-09-07T13:38:00.000+01:00

If you're a Prince fan and you haven't seen him at the O2 arena (21 nights in London, part of The Earth Tour) you need to get tickets fast.
I was at his concert last night and all i can say is, Prince is truly a great performer. I can't remember all the songs he performed, as he did a LOT of songs but he did all my favourite songs - kiss, 1999, purple rain, cream, diamonds & pearls, little red covette, alphabet street, sign of the times and i wanna be your lover. (phew)
There was no satisfying the audience and when the show ended about 2 hours later, some people started booing because he didn't come back for a fourth encore..

joanna

2007-09-06T15:52:00.000+01:00

"Don't care where you come from as long as you're a black man you're an African" - Peter Tosh

so i was having a discussion with my friend Y at a party the other day when his young daughter who is about 4 years old came over, i started talking to her and then asked her what had name was, i already knew her name but i wanted to hear how she pronounced it.

Imagine my shock when she said her name was 'joanna', i thought she was joking, thinking it was some nickname she had picked up in school, so i said i thought your name was xxxxxx (the beautiful Yoruba name everyone calls her)
she said na lie o, her name na joanna

I then turned to my friend and our conversation went along the following lines;

me: i was at her naming ceremony, which one be joanna? are you a kool and the gang fan or what?

Y: thats the name she is called in school

me: (surprised) really.. sebi we both made fun of X claiming he was trying to be British by force when he named his kids after members of the royal family?

Y: (now slightly embarrassed by my accusation) we decided to give her an English name so she could blend in at school, we've told her to use her English name when she is among white people and to use her Yoruba name when she is with Nigerians.

me: that's interesting, so why did she tell me her name is joanna? I'm not white

Y: (laughing)

me: God knows you're confusing the poor kid, there's nothing wrong with her name, it's a common Yoruba name so I don't really understand the need for it.

Y: but the teachers may find it difficult pronouncing her Yoruba name

me: then you bloody teach them how to pronounce it, you don't see Asians naming their kids John Patel because other people find their names difficult to pronounce

Y: we don't want other kids making fun of her name

me: hello!!!, you live in east London, i'm sure there are plenty of kids with foreign names in her school

Y: (calls kid over) come and tell uncle your Yoruba name?

joanna: (suddenly becomes shy and refuses to say a word)

Y: so your son doesn't have an English name?

me: why should he? if an oyinbo man living in naija has a kid there, do you think he'll name his kid 'chukwuemeka' or 'oluwatimilehin'???

I think there's a misconception among many Nigerians that anglicising your name (best one I've heard is someone called "GBenga" now calling himself "Ben") or using an English name lets you "fit in" and improves your chances of employment.
If adopting English names really made any difference then people of Caribbean origin should have the best economic opportunities compared to other ethnic minorities.

Of course you can name your kid whatever you want, however if you choose to give your kids English names then you shouldn't complain when they grow up and turn their back on their culture.

The All 'New' Naira

2007-08-15T17:13:00.000+01:00

And the main news today, out of naija is about the all New "revalued" Naira coming your way. From August 1st 2008 , two zeroes will be knocked off N100 (N1), N200 (N2),N500 (N5) (i'm sure you get the idea)

When Soludo (the CBN governor) was asked what will happen to some body, for example, who has kept N1000 and wants to exchange it. He explained, “If you have $1000, it’s the same thing, you get the value for the $1000. There is no devaluation, there is no loss of value, it is just like instead of N100, you carry N1. That N1 in comparison with the dollar, it’s the same value. Before, you pay N126 for a dollar, now you have N1.26 for one dollar. So it’s fantastic.”

To the man on the street, who has N1000 in his account, he said, “if you have N100, 000, it would become N1000, but the key thing about valuation is that it is in relation to other currencies. If you relate to the dollar, N125, 000 in your account before would give you $1000 but now N125, 000 in your account, would now become N1, 250. If you want to buy dollars, it would give you the same $1000.
As a Nigerian, psychologically it is good for us; that our Naira is N1.25 to a dollar, unlike N125 to a dollar. It’s a feel good factor.
The Naira Big bang

I don't know, it all sounds like some strange IMF experiment to test someone's thesis on the chaos theory.
I'm not knocking naija here but this is the same country where we had "slight" problems organising a simple election.
In a country where 70% of the population is barely literate, how are people expected to understand that N1000 will now be N10. How will iya sikira understand that the 'ogi' she sold for N200 the day before is now N2 or how will baba Morufu, the meat seller understand that the 'bokoto' he is selling for N2000 is now N20?

On a funnier note whats going to happen to the naija version of who wants to be a millionaire considering 10 million naira will soon become 100,000 naira...

random musings II

2007-08-14T23:58:00.000+01:00

really sorry for the long break, some 'disgruntled elements' had been using jazz to stop me from blogging : - )

(blogger seems to have gone crazy on me, can't seem to get the text to display properly)

Another reason i've been offline is because i've used up all my energy trying to catch up with Ijebuman jr, he took his first steps a few weeks ago and now he is running around the house thinking he is Linford Christie. [just in case you regulars have forgotten, he was a year old 2 weeks ago : - )]

The BNP is going to love this:

Foreigners commit 20 per cent of crime in London, say police

The highest number of offences were carried out by Poles, charged with 2,310 crimes between the start of January and the end of June.

Jamaicans, Irish nationals, Somalians and Romanians - accused of more than 1,000 crimes - had the next worst levels of offending.

[snip]

The worst fraud total was recorded by Nigerians, with 275 crimes

who says Nigeria hasn't got talent LOL.

Seriously, although i know its bad we're on the list but at least we're not in the top 3, considering the bad press we get you'll think naijas commit most of the crime in this town.

(just in case you didn't notice it in the story 80% of crimes is still committed by brits)

----------------------

Celebrating What?
Yar'Adua to mark first 100 days in office

According to Mr. John Ogar Odey (Minister of Information and Communications) a committee has been put in place to work out modalities for the celebration.

Really..

What exactly has Yardy done in the last 100 days, he only just appointed his ministers last month. Apart from reversing a few of his predecessors policies he hasn't exactly done anything, i suggest he waits a year before "celebrating" anything.

As far as i'm concerned the jury is still out on Yardy, his made a few good moves but i still have my doubts about him. Back in '99 when Obj too was reversing decisions made by the previous military government, na so people dey hail am, 8 years later we all know better.

random musings

2007-07-20T14:38:00.000+01:00

something to rant about
I hate spam, let me re phrase that, i really really hate spam. My spam filter manages to block most of it, but how do you block spam sent by friends or people in your address book??
I've recently noticed that a lot of people have started sending me religious spam (as far as i'm concerned it's unsolicited, so it'is spam).
You can always tell when my peeps have discovered "religion" especially of the pentecostal kind. They start sending out emails with bible quotations, invites to Pastor Jibiti's weekend of deliverance or forward silly emails about passing this message to 40 other people will bring you luck or prove that 'Jesus is lord' or show that 'Satan is a liar'.

Even on the web, there's no escape for people like me from our current obsession with religion...

angry and sad
that it took so long for our government to react and demand an apology from the spanish ambassador for the death of Osamuyia Aikpitanhi, a 23 year old Nigerian killed by spanish police officers during a forced deportation.
see back story

no wonder the weather is shit
not that i bother with the charts but there's a silly song called 'Umbrella' by Rihanna at number one, the chorus to the song sounds remarkably familiar, sort of like the gibberish my 11 month old son has been saying recently.
but i digress
'Umbrella' has been at number one for 9 weeks, no wonder summer has been a complete washout.

No end in sight

2007-07-09T16:37:00.000+01:00

The situation in the Niger delta hit a new low with the kidnapping of a 3 year old girl last week. (She has now been released and is back with her parents). Sadly it seems the whole Niger delta region has degenerated into a complete state of anarchy (and i'm talking by Naija standards here). Even Dokubo-Asari (Niger Delta's self styled 'nationalist') had his jeep snatched at gunpoint. Hard to tell if it was snatched by armed robbers or militants, since every hoodlum with a gun now calls themselves 'militants'.

There are now so many groups trying to get in on the 'ransom booty'. Apart from Jomo Gbomo's well known group Mend (Movement for the Emancipation of the Niger Delta), there's another faction of Mend headed by a "General Godswill Tamuno". There are also other groups like the Coalition for Military Action in the Niger Delta (Coma), the Joint Revolutionary Council (JRC), the Niger Delta Vigilante and the Martyrs Brigade. (Martyrs Brigade??? they sound like a bunch of jokers, as if anyone in the delta would even consider suicide bombing).
And not forgetting the original group that started it all off, Dokubo's Niger Delta Peoples Volunteer Force (NDPVF).

where will it all end?
Even if the Nigerian government gives in to all their demands, i doubt if any of the groups will suddenly decide to get rid of their weapons. There's just too much oil money at stake and once they have no common enemy to fight they will turn on each other like a pack of wolves, leading to a lot more violence in that region.

It's unlikely we'll see any peace in that part of the country until the last drop of oil is removed or the most likely scenario, the rest of the world finds alternative sources of energy.

A Junior Update/Weapon of Choice

2007-06-29T13:55:00.000+01:00

Just realised how long its been since i blogged about ijebuman jr, he is now 11 months old (amazing how time flies)

Just like Gordon Brown's cabinet reshuffle, we did a furniture reshuffle at ijebuman's mansion this week ; - )
With junior crawling around we've suddenly realised how child unfriendly the place is. The little rascal has developed an unhealthy relationship with everything apart from his toys. He has started chewing on wires, knocking over plants and generally messing up the feng shui arrangement of the place (we ijebu's too get our own feng shui LOL).
No wonder my sister in law was laughing at us last year when we were renovating the house.
---------------------
Weapon of Choice

London is gradually turning into some knife crazed city, with kids running around stabbing each other. Since the beginning of the year over a dozen teenagers have been fatally stabbed.

According to The Times
Worried parents are buying body armour for their children in an attempt to keep them safe from street violence.
A firm that supplies stab- and bullet-proof vests to government agencies around the world has sold 60 jackets to concerned parents after several murders of teenagers on London streets.
“They are concerned by what is happening on the streets — the level of violence. A 13-year-old girl has been our youngest customer but most are about 15 or 16. Most of the calls have been from London" a spokesman for the firm is reported as saying.

check out the stats
10% of boys aged 11 and 12 are reported to have carried a knife or other weapon and 8% said they had attacked someone intending serious harm. By the age of 16, the figure had risen to 24% who have carried a knife and 16% who had attacked somebody intending harm.

Links
Boy stabbed to death because he looked at youth ‘the wrong way’
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/uk/crime/article1996525.ece

Teenager stabbed in third fatal attack since weekend
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/uk/crime/article1990729.ece

Call for security checks as one in four pupils admits to being armed
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/uk/article462529.ece

If things carry on this way Jr might end up in a boarding school in good ole Naija.

Anita Baker At The Royal Albert Hall

2007-06-27T00:27:00.000+01:00

Anita Baker performing last night at the Royal Albert Hall

Hanging on to his L Plates

2007-06-22T12:15:00.000+01:00

Yar'Adua still hanging on to his L plates

Sorry i haven't posted in a while, just like our new presido Yar'Adua, i've been taking a well deserved break. Talking about Yar'Adua, i have to agree with Aba boy, the man deserves his nickname "Alhaji go slow".

Someone should wake him up, its like 24 days already or does the man think he was "selected" to sleep and eat 'fura de nunu' in Aso rock.
I've been hearing the usual excuses "he is taking his time" or "he is not rushing into things". Please stop!! My peeps we have to stop making tired excuses, Yar'Adua did not become president on May 29, he became president the minute Obj decided he should become PDP's presidential candidate. So he has had all that time to prepare, the handover on May 29 was a mere formality.

Project naija needs a hands-on 'project manager' that will hit the ground running not some guy 'taking his time'. At this rate, his term will be over by the time he gets round to actually implementing any policy.

Meanwhile, while i was on my Yar'Adua break, Andy Uba was removed from office by the Supreme court. I have to commend whoever updated his wikipedia entry , it was updated almost immediately after the judgement was announced. His website - http://www.andyubacampaign.com is now conveniently "offline" : - )

------------------
here's a funny one off oyibosonline
Things You'd Wish To Hear While In Nigeria...

here are a few of the best ones:

"It's totally my fault, no one else was involved, I take full responsibility"

"Welcome to our country" (without the usual 'waitin you bring come for us')

"Have a nice trip sir,, no, you don't have to dash me, I'm just doing my job..."

"Ok thank you sir, here's ur driving license and registration papers back, all seems in order, you may leave"

"Yes sir, I have credit on my phone"

"No thank you sir/madam. Please do not give me money. I am just doing my job"

"Apologies for being a little early for our meeting. Don't worry, I'll wait in reception"

"No, I do not mind forming a queue as I came here after you..."

"Sorry did not mean to flash you, of course we can talk using my credit"

"Don't worry, we can get u to any of the nearest hospitals and they'll be able to fix u up"

"We are going to have a party/night vigil tonight. We might be a bit noisy but dont worry, we will close before midnight."

"He is ON seat!"

"On today's financial news, the Naira is now 1 to 1 with the British pound"

The Prisoner of Aso rock

2007-06-07T15:26:00.001+01:00

Obj may have left Aso rock but he definitely left his 'agbada' behind. Apart from ensuring he remained the head of his party, he has ensured that his favoured candidates and allies were elected as president of the senate and as speaker of the house of representatives.
He obviously needs his allies to keep an eye on the new government. Who knows, Yar'Adua may develop delusions of grandeur and conveniently forget how he got to power.

In Naija, it's hard to trust a man in power, the powerbrokers that helped Obj in 1999 found that out not too long after he moved in to Aso rock. So i suppose Obj is ensuring he has all bases covered.
Yar'Adua may argue that he has a mind of his own and he is not a puppet, but in reality he is a prisoner. A prisoner to the forces that got him into power.
The signs are already there: exhibit A - Ahmadu Ali Dares FCDA
Dr. Ahmadu Ali [PDP chairman] yesterday dared the Federal Capital Development Authority (FCDA) by starting the reconstruction of one of the houses, demolished by the Development Control department of the FCDA.[snip]

Vanguard gathered that the [demolition] exercise had to stop following an instruction from above as it may not augur well for the new administration of Yar'adua to begin with an unpopular agenda of demolition especially that of the Chairman of a party that made it smooth for him to win the primaries amidst the array of aspirants under the platform of PDP for the number one position of the land.

----
Coming slightly later than expected : - )
Heres the second part of A Post sElection Analysis
A Post sElection Analysis 2

David Mark is new senate president
Who said lying and stealing doesn't get you anywhere, it certainly gets you far in naija, to the number 3 position if you play your cards right.

What to expect:
Well he won't be needing that 6 million pounds frozen in his accounts ; - )

What NOT to expect:
Any debate on how a public officer ended up with 6 million pounds in his personal account

--
Patricia Foluke Etteh is new Speaker of the house of representatives
I have to be very careful here as she is wifey's aunty ; - ), but the fact remains that she only got the job because she is "extremely" close to Obasanjo and supported his third term agenda.

What to expect:
Will ensure Obasanjo's interests are well protected

What NOT to expect:
ijebuman sending a congratulatory message : - )

---
Akala, Orji and Uba

Christopher Alao-Akala is the "new" Governor of Oyo state. This is his second reincarnation as governor of Adedibu Kingdom. His first attempt ended when his impeached boss was returned to power by the supreme court.
Akala has shown to his master, by prostrating flat on the ground after he was sworn in as governor, that he will be an obedient servant, but not to the people of Oyo state.
What to expect:
More rolling around and prostration to his political godfather - Lamidi Adedibu

What NOT to expect:
A crisis free Oyo state
--

T.A Orji is the new Governor of Abia state.

He was 'elected' while in detention, sworn in before may 29 while out on bail and now there are half naked pictures of him at a shrine all over the web (could be fake but who knows).
The whole situation is like a badly acted Nollywood movie

What to expect:
Many more trips to 'Okija shrine' when things turn sour with his political masters

What NOT to expect:
Any investigation into Abia state's finances under Kalu

--
Andy Uba is the new Governor of Anambra state

Uba was Obj's Senior Special Assistant on Domestic Affairs, brother of Chris Uba (the notorious political godfather of Anambra state) and a regular feature on saharareporters (which uncovered his involvement in money smuggling)

Read more about Uba on his wikipedia entry - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Andy_Uba
And his reponse to the 'money laundering allegations' - http://www.andyubacampaign.com/facts_faqs.php

What to expect:
All lies and no action

What NOT to expect:
A scandal/corruption free tenure

Denial of denial

2007-05-29T23:28:00.000+01:00

I had nothing better to do today so i watched Yar'Adua's inauguration ceremony on Ben TV (it was either that or the usual trash on daytime tv) .
After the ceremony, the station cut back to a studio panel, i don't know what i was expecting but i was really disappointed with the stuff i heard, the discussion, the phone calls, everything was all about us moving forward and everyone hoping that Yar'adua will sort everything out, oh and everyone made a point of reminding us that this was naija's first successful hand over of power from one civilian govt to the other as if that changed the facts about the elections.

There was a bit of a faux pas from BEN TV's Alistair Soyode (who is also the owner of the station) who got slightly carried away and described today as "Nigeria's 47th independence anniversary as well as Yar'adua's inauguration".
Not that anyone noticed with all the high-fiving and backslapping going on in the studio.
but i digress..
what really got me was that some people even defended the whole electoral process that threw up Yar’Adua, by using Obj's lame excuse that our nation is still young and we shouldn't compare ourselves to western countries.
I agree we shouldn't compare ourselves to western countries as they've obviously had many years of practice but whom should we compare ourselves to? We could start with Ghana or if that’s too far away how about Rep of Benin, which had similar elections last year, an election regarded as free and fair. (Rep of Benin also got its independence in 1960)

Like a friend jokingly said, we Nigerians suffer from 'denial of denial', according to wikipedia it's a process that involves thoughts, actions and behaviours which bolster confidence that nothing needs to be changed in one's personal behaviour. This form of denial typically overlaps with all of the other forms of denial, but involves more self-delusion..

meanwhile sorry for the break in transmission it was due to an anomaly in the space time continuum, Please stay tuned as we now return you to our normal 'state of denial' where Nigeria is the giant of Africa and the happiest country on earth..
-----------

Almost forgot about this, courtesy of Solomonsydelle:

The Nigerian Proclamation

In recent history, Nigerians have been overwhelmingly betrayed by those charged with addressing their needs. Instead of serving the people, public servants have served themselves to the detriment of the masses. The result is a nation lacking adequate infrastructure, organisation and security.

The ineffectiveness of Nigerian leaders indicates a lack of accountability to their constituents. Nigerians are no longer relevant to their leaders, thus, leaders do not feel responsible to them.

From this day, all Nigerians are responsible for the future of this great & powerful country. Consequently, all Nigerians must commit themselves to the following:

1. We must demand that elected officials be held accountable for their actions and in-actions.

2. We must expect democratic principles to be honoured, respected and maintained.

3. We must believe that all Nigerians are equal under the law and should be treated as such.

4. We must apply ourselves to improving the lot of every individual Nigerian regardless of gender, religion, tribe or social status.

5. We must strive to maintain a united republic despite our differences.

Only upon achieving these principles can we as a people fully live up to our potential as a land of greatness. For ours is a country renowned for its illustrious people, ample resources and sheer physical beauty.

A petty, quarrelsome and insecure old man

2007-05-22T13:15:00.000+01:00

"a petty, quarrelsome and insecure old man presiding over the affairs of a complex entity as Nigeria." Abubakar Atiku (in response to Obj's accusation s)

Now i've always said Naija politics creates strange bedfellows, who would have thought i'll be using a quote from Atiku as a blog header lol.

I have to give it to Atiku he definitely knows how to defend himself in a 'rofo rofo' (dirty) fight. Don't get me wrong i'm no fan of the vice president, but if there was an award for bravery in the face of repeated 'assaults' i'll give it to him [i'll also give him the award for corruption and the award for turncoat and betrayal, but thats not the point here, is it? : - )]

Obasanjo kicked off the latest round of fighting by accusing Atiku of employing 'jazz' against him, i can't really be bothered quoting obj here as it's really pathetic (see newsreport). I don't know if anyone has noticed how regularly obj uses sentences like 'a fight to finish' or 'do or die', i suppose once a military man always a military man
but i digress
Atiku quickly responded describing obj as a psychotic bastard (ok my interpretation lol)
who needs nollywood when we can enjoy reality TV from Aso rock

At this stage i doubt if there is anyone who is shocked or embarrassed about this current episode of 'washing your dirty linen in public'. In most countries it would be a national embarrassment for the president and his vice president to trade filthy insults in public, but this is naija where the concept of national embarrassment is as alien as organising a free and fair election.

Naija DemoCrazy for 'Dummies'

2007-05-10T14:45:00.000+01:00

A friend wanted to know about naija's democracy, so i've decided to do a dummies style tongue-in-cheek explanation of democracy naija style.

According to the 1999 constitution (which is sometimes used as a "guide" and is probably used as a door stopper in the presidential villa) Nigeria is a "democracy" and operates a presidential system of government where there's a true separation of powers (i.e Executive, Legislature and the Judiciary)

The Executive
Since the constitution is just a guide, the president doesn't bother reading it and regards himself as the all knowing leader. In naija's DemoCrazy, the president is next to 'God' and the exercise of his power is seen as "God's will".
Anyone challenging his authority is regarded as an enemy of the state.

The Legislature
This arm of government spends most of its time sharing out 'Ghana must go bags' (i.e large bags of money) which is sent by the executive to ensure the legislature rubber stamps all laws. It also ensures the legislature doesn't get any funny ideas (like debating and enacting laws or starting impeachment proceedings)

The Judiciary
This arm of government is always ignored as it tends to take the 1999 constitution seriously.

The Opposition
in politics the opposition is usually an organised political group that serves to offer opposing views to the government. In the naija context, they are regarded as 'enemies of the state' made up of 'disgruntled elements', 'frustrated' politicians, unpaid contractors, ex government officials and anybody who has a bad word to say about the president.

Elections
Naijas don't elect their politicians directly. Instead, the ruling party 'selects' them.
Voter turnout tends to be low but the ruling party always manages to win by a landslide with a result that reflects 100% voter turnout.

for constitutional terms click here

-------------------------
Breaking the law
Not only are naija politicians bad losers they are also bad winners.
Check out the whole charade going on in Lagos state, three weeks to the end of his term Tinubu has decided to get rid of his deputy - Femi Pedro (who has now resigned, according to news reports, his resignation letter was thrown on the ground outside the governor's office when government officials refused to accept the letter)

and what exactly was Pedro's crime?
He broke an unwritten law of Naija's DemoCrazy, a deputy shall not covet his oga's position.

naija's 'village people'

2007-05-08T17:24:00.000+01:00

There's a funny video doing the rounds of a prank played on a naija scammer who is persuaded to perform (and record) along with his friends 'Y.M.C.A' by the village people

more
http://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=YMCA+scammer&search=Search

you can check out the back story to the whole scam here

saddest part of it all is the con is still on and the poor sod still has no clue (and actually thinks the emails are from George W Bush)

Anyone still interested??

2007-05-03T16:03:00.000+01:00

For anyone still interested in naija politics
The current edition of The Economist has the usual post election article on naija
Big men, big fraud and big trouble
http://www.economist.com/world/displaystory.cfm?story_id=9070922

was about to skip through the article when this caught my attention
[snip]
Progress by saxophone
Nigerian politics does not have to be like this. Given a chance, good state governors do emerge. In Cross Rivers, for instance, on the border with Cameroon, Donald Duke has effected an impressive transformation over the past eight years.

In the state capital, Calabar, the streets have no pot-holes. According to the state government, every village is connected to the national grid and everyone has access to clean water. There is almost no litter. Remarkably, instead of the fleet of blacked-out SUVs that normally idle outside governors' offices, ready to whisk the big man a few hundred metres down the road, outside Mr Duke's office stand brand new garbage lorries from Germany.

Moreover, Cross Rivers has no oil wealth. Mr Duke has achieved all this on a fraction of the money available to his neighbours. Instead, he has frozen official salaries, cleverly exploited existing resources and taken on debt. In partnership with private investors, he is also responsible for Tinapa, the largest retail and business development in west Africa. It contains several new giant studios to grab a large slice of the $200m-300m a year “Nollywood” film industry, which churns out, by some estimates, more films than either of its rivals in Los Angeles or Bombay.

The other key to the state's success is Mr Duke's love of the saxophone. Every Sunday evening he performs in his house with his band. And instead of trying to micro-manage his succession, rig the state elections and prepare for endless court battles, when he leaves office at the end of May Mr Duke is going off to America for a music course. It is an unusual example of a politician who is willing to let go.
[snip]

---------------------
Re: Obj's CRIBs

It's good to see that Dare Obasanjo has at least acknowledged on his blog that the caption on the 'servant' picture was wrong. I'll cut him a bit of slack and will not make any further comments, as it distracts me from my regular Obj bashing and there's only about 27 days left for that..

meanwhile looks like there's a full blown war going on at Grandiose Parlor ; - )
--------------------
Been so long...
for all you lovers of 80s quiet storm (in the uk)
Anita Baker is back in London, she's performing at the Royal Albert Hall on June 26 2007

Her last concert in London was in july 2005 and it was one of the best concerts i had ever attended.
it had to be as i ended up meeting her personally ; - ) see Anita Baker Concert 2005

Obj's CRIBs

2007-04-30T12:31:00.000+01:00

Today's post comes courtesy of Grandiose Parlor (Imnakoya). There's an interesting post on the blog called 'A Presidential Servant' about Dare Obasanjo's (one of Obj's many many pikins) trip to naija for his dad's 70th birthday last month.
Dare is a techie and has kindly uploaded all the pics of the bash to flickr http://flickr.com/photos/carnage4life/sets/72157600155828724/55828724 /

Imnakoya's post is about the pic below which Dare captions with the following statement “One of the servants sitting down on the bed of his one room apartment. You can see the entire apartment in this shot.”

http://flickr.com/photos/carnage4life/476780953/in/set-72157600155828724/

methinks Dare may soon remove some of the pics so i've downloaded it for una.

We should thank Dare (AKA Carnage4Life) for giving us mere mortals (or is it "servants") a glimpse of Aso rock, like i didn't know the place had a zoo, the zoo self get lion (quite handy as the presido can always throw any of his pesky opponents to the lions).

Kai even the giraffe looks better fed than most naijas lol

Anyway here are some of the other pics i found 'interesting'...

According to Dare, this is 'The presidential car. This car only carries the president of Nigeria.'

http://flickr.com/photos/carnage4life/476780981/in/set-72157600155828724/

And here's the famous presidential chopper, the one Obj uses to avoid using the horrible deathtrap that passes for roads in Nigeria

According to Dare 'Members of my dad's security detail hanging out taking turns playing checkers'

surely this must be a security breach LOL, not only has Dare shown us the presidential 'copter (NAF 541), the presidential benz (which we now know ONLY carries the presido), he has even shown us his dad's security details (they're not really playing checkers they're practising security strategies)

Return from the bay of the sheikh

2007-04-29T22:34:00.000+01:00

Sharm el sheikh means bay of the sheikh

I'm back from Sharm, had a nice time even though i had to attend a conference as well lol.

The Egyptians are a very nice and friendly people (especially the ones trying to flog some dodgy statute of Ramses with a big 'instrument')
Unfortunately i didn't have enough time to visit the pyramids and the Sphinx, as they are hundreds of miles away from Sharm el sheikh (that’s for another trip)

One thing i was slightly surprised about and i don't know if this is just in sharm, was the subservient attitude of the locals to European tourists. I was quite disappointed, come on, you guys were building pyramids, temples and monuments before the rest of the world even had a clue about anything.

Another slightly annoying thing is the lack of respect by European tourists for local customs. Egypt is a Muslim country and it clearly states in most travel brochures/guides that women should wear appropriate clothing. So imagine my surprise when i saw a woman walking around topless at Nabq bay (I admit it was a great sight LOL) but seriously, i thought it was extremely disrespectful and it really makes me wonder what price Egypt is paying for tourism.

Another interesting thing i also discovered was that there are hardly any Egyptian women in sharm and all the people who work in the tourist industry are men, who travel from other parts of Egypt to live in Sharm during the tourist season.

-------------------------------------
A Post sElection Analysis 1

I suppose if the elections had gone well, many of us in blogosphere will have spent this week looking at the new set of political office holders and what to expect from them when they assume power next month..

So assuming nothing major happens before may 29 ; ) I'll be looking at some of the characters the 2007 "elections" has thrown up, starting with my favourite state (at least thats what it used to be before Tinubu became governor) - Lagos State

The "new governor" is Babatunde Raji Fashola. Anyone expecting anything radical from him for Lagos has probably not seen his website, http://www.tundefashola2007.com/

clicking on the link to find out 'His vision for Lagos state' all you get is 'This page will soon be updated please check back' . You get the same thing when you click on 'Accomplishments' (none of the pages has been updated since the site launched last year)

Well i guess that sums it up really, it just goes to show you how unimportant 'vision' and 'accomplishments' are in the Nigerian political scene, all you really need is a political godfather (which explains why the site is full of pictures of Fashola with Tinubu)

What to expect:
He is Tinubu's boy so i expect it's going to be 'business as usual'

What NOT to expect:
Any meaningful program like the utilisation of Lagos's waterways for mass transportation or a probe of Lagos state's finances since 1999

-------------------------
Victims of our own Circumstances

Could Nigeria go Orange?
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/africa/6587161.stm

There's an interesting point in the above article from Richard Dowden (executive director of the Royal African Society) as to why Nigerians should not expect much assistance from the international community.

[snip]Mr Dowden also doubts there will be any sanctions, simply because it is difficult to hurt Nigeria. "It is not Malawi," he says.
"You can't take their aid away because there isn't any. It's such a huge, powerful country that there is very little leverage that either the Commonwealth or Britain could deploy against Nigeria, and Nigeria is too powerful for other Africans to criticise.

"Nor do I think the Americans will make too much fuss about this because of the oil and Nigeria's strategic significance."[snip]

views from sharm

2007-04-28T20:50:00.000+01:00

Nabq bay

Naama bay

Across the road from the resort is the sinai desert

the bangladeshi option

2007-04-28T17:13:00.000+01:00

In light of last weekend’s embarrassing fiasco, sorry "elections", I've resigned myself to the fact that Obj has intentionally sabotaged the fourth republic and it looks like we're heading for another 'june 12' like scenario.

It was not surprising that the organisation of last week's presidential elections was equally as bad as the previous elections on April 14 despite Obj and INEC's pathetic excuses and promises. Infact it was a classic case of 'rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic', things were further compounded by the late arrival of the ballot papers from South Africa (the whole fiasco has to be the most humiliating thing that has ever happened to our country and in any decent society heads should roll starting with Obj's)

But enough of the grammar and the adjectives, We know our history very well, when politicians turn elections into a 'rofo-rofo' (i.e dirty) fight then its time to call in the naija politician's kryptonite - the Nigerian army to sort out the mess they've created.

Don’t get me wrong, i'm not calling for a coup in the traditional sense where some idiot takes over power and then promises to handover in "a few years time", but a simple army takeover of government to conduct an election (a sort of interim military government). The army steps in for an extremely short period (not more than 6 months) organises new elections, handsover to the winner and returns to the barracks.

The army seems to be the only organisation in Nigeria that is able to organise 'credible' elections. They did it in 1979, 1993 (although annulled by IBB, its still considered the most credible election held in the country) and in 1999. Compare these elections with the elections of 1965, 1983, 2003 and 2007.

And now to the Bangladeshi option
Bangladesh: No going back
The army exiles the country's leading politicians

I've used Bangladesh as an example here because of what the army has done to the country's leading politicians. It has asked them to go into exile so the political environment is free of any sort of influence from the old brigade.
It's an option that definitely makes sense in Nigeria, we've been ruled by the same set of people in different guises since 1960.
Imagine what will happen to the political environment in Nigeria if all our leading politicians are stripped of their assets and kicked out of the country.

They've fucked up Nigeria for so long, won't it be great if Nigeria told them to fuck off somewhere else too..

----------------------------------
And The Man Spoke..

Soyinka urges new Nigeria polls
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/africa/6600945.stm

Couldn't disagree with Wole Soyinka when he said "I wish he [Mr Yar'Adua] would carry his decency even further by publicly renouncing this poisoned chalice to say: 'I'm not a receiver of stolen goods',"

if ijebuman was Yar'adua i'll be watching my back or in his case his dialysis machine.

And if the calls for the elections to be cancelled is not bad enough
its been almost a week since Yar'adua was declared winner and the response from the international community has not exactly been warm.
South Africa is the only country i'm aware of (at the moment) that has congratulated Yar'adua.
No surprise there, it's definitely in SA's interest to continue to deal with a Nigeria that never rises to its full potential, or where else will they get such lucrative last minute contracts like last week's ballot paper print job..

from Ghana with Love

2007-04-28T12:49:00.000+01:00

Article below is from ghanaweb

Letter From The President: 419 elections
By: J. A. Fukuor/Daily Dispatch, (2007-04-27)
http://www.ghanaweb.com/GhanaHomePage/features/artikel.php?ID=123107

Countrymen and women, loyalists and opponents,
I suppose you have all been following with keen interest the recent happenings in Naija. If you haven't, you should. Naija is our "big brother", it is Africa's most populous country, we get a lot of oil from them and, of course, they've promised to give us some electricity. We've recently seen a lot of Naija-owned businesses opening in Sikaman - providing employment for many.
Historically, we've been friends with Naija and as I heard someone say recently, 'when Naija sneezes, Sikaman catches a cold.' So we all need to follow what's happening there with keen interest, give praise where it is due, speak out against any injustice and do all we can to help them get through these trying times they seem to have brought upon themselves.

I have kept my ears and eyes wide open, following every bit of the unfolding drama in Africa's most populous country and in doing so, I have been bombarded with a flurry of emotions ranging from anger, amusement and shame to disappointment and regret.

I am angry because I believe both the legislative and presidential elections were rigged and everything was done to make sure that Olu's government continued to stay in power - from the ludicrous decision by the Electoral Commission to overstep its bounds and ban one of the candidates from contesting to the ill-conceived plan to print the ballot papers in South Africa and have them delivered less than 24 hours before the day of the presidential polls.
I am ashamed at the sheer scale of disorganisation which characterised the whole process. It appears very little thinking and planning (if there was any) went into the exercise. Instead of concentrating on the logistics of organising an election, the Electoral Commission decided to do the ruling party's dirty job by banning one of the presidential candidates from contesting. The ensuing legal battle, I believe, made them forget that there were more serious and challenging issues to deal with.

Fortunately, the Supreme Court did not kowtow to the government and ruled that the EC had no power to ban any candidate. This ruling was issued just a few days to d-day and under normal circumstances, one would have thought that the elections would have been postponed because for a country of 60 million voters, it is virtually impossible to reprint new ballots with re-instated candidate's name. But the EC claimed that they had a ˜Plan B". That plan meant that the new ballots would be printed in far away South Africa. And I am quite angry with this decision as well. In the spirit of sub-regional co-operation, I think our brothers and sisters in Naija could have printed their ballots here in Sikaman; we would have delivered the ballots much earlier than the South Africans did. As things turned out, the ballot papers were delivered less than 24 hours before the polls and if you consider that the EC had no contingency plans (say aircraft and helicopters) for distributing the papers within such a short space of time, you would very easily laugh at their folly and ask yourself: 'what do they have in their skulls: brains or grains?.'

The massive organisation failures meant that for so many polling stations, the ballot papers were delivered several hours after the time the polls were supposed to have ended. In other areas, voting materials were in very short supply. I have never seen such disorganisation in my life and that's why I am disappointed. I am disappointed that Africa's most populous country and one of its richest (in fact, Naija is considered a continental super power) was not able to organise a smooth election devoid of logistical hiccups.

Most annoyingly, amidst the chaos of disorganisation and the unanimous verdict of several election observer missions (including that of the African Union) that the polls were a charade, the chairman of the Naija EC was urging his compatriots to 'be proud.' Proud of what? That they succeeded in showing the rest of the world how to organise ˜shambolic" elections?

The more I thought about it, the more I realised that the organisational failures were all part of a grand plan to rig the election in favour of Olu's party. But why rig an election in such a blatant fashion, with all the major international news networks watching? Couldn't they have done it in a more intelligent fashion? I believe there are more subtle ways of rigging elections not that I am an expert, but I have seen it before.

In 1992 and 1996, Jerry Boom and his people used cunning and various other machinations to win the elections, forcing us to write the ˜Stolen Verdict". Remember? Olu and his cohorts should have consulted with Jerry's people and I believe they would have saved us all the embarrassment of being associated with them. I am now even reconsidering the folly that made us name a street in Accra after Olu.

I thought he was a sensible, forward-looking African president who would graciously step aside when his term ran out. But, alas, I was wrong. He doesn't want to go. He wants to rule by proxy and so he has gone to every length to make sure that his anointed one succeeds him. I am very appalled, to say the least, about his conduct. Apart from making his friends (like my excellent self) look stupid and power-drunk 'show me your friend and I'd show you your character' he's made Jerry Boom look like a hero. I mean, if upon all his excesses, Jerry Boom left power graciously without blatantly trying to subvert the will of the people, why would someone like Olu 'who claims to be a champion of the African renaissance ' go to such foolish and undemocratic lengths to perpetuate his rule, albeit through a chosen successor?

Olu might be thinking that he has won. Maybe he has. But his country (and the rest of Africa) has lost. The rest of the world know that we in Sikaman have organised better elections (not the best, just better than Naija's). But from now on, they are only going to associate our continent with late arrival of voting materials, polling stations remaining opened 18 hours after they were supposed to have closed and thugs snatching ballot boxes and running away with them.
What became of Olu's dream of an African renaissance? I want to say that if he really holds the interest of our continent and its people at heart, he should do as many have suggested: order a re-run of the polls. And instead of pulling every string to make his man win, he should just let the people decide. If what I know about him is anything to go by, I think Olu will not listen to anyone and he'll just allow things to be as they are. He won't order a re-run because I believe he's already started preparing his hand-over notes. And that concerns me. As I write this letter, the opposition parties are calling for daily street protests to compel the government to overturn the results of the ˜shambolic" polls. In a country like Naija, daily street protests could spell disaster. Many would die, several would be maimed, thousands would be displaced and lives would be destroyed.

Things are not looking good, and I'd urge you all to spare a moment of prayer for Naija. Let's pray that things do not get out of hand and that Olu's successor (even if he came in through a rigged election) will be accepted by all and he'd be a father to all the citizens of Naija. Most importantly, I hope that Olu's successor will be a friend of Sikaman and he'd give us oil and electricity.

Excellently yours,
J. A. Fukuor
(fukuor@gmail.com)

sharm el sheikh

2007-04-24T20:46:00.000+01:00

I'm in Egypt, in the desert holiday resort of sharm el sheikh. I'm here for the rest of the week but before you think i'm on holiday, this is a work related trip ; - )

Just saw our "president elect" Umaru Yar'adua on CNN earlier today and i just can't convince myself that this guy is our next president, he just seemed so scared like a rabbit caught in the glare of the headlights of a car thats about to run it over...

Having a bit of a chuckle

2007-04-21T14:07:00.000+01:00

I've always found it difficult to take the situation in Nigeria too seriously, certain things happen and you think it definitely has to be a joke, like yesterday's news story about the late arrival of the ballot papers from South Africa (that’s on my upcoming list of reasons why Naija is now the laughing stock of Africa), which Iwu accidentally revealed while responding to reports of soldiers intercepting a trailer full of ballot boxes stuffed with thumb-printed ballot papers.
But i digress; i had a bit of a chuckle at this morning's report of an attempted attack on INEC's Hq in Abuja

An overnight attack on election HQ in Abuja failed when a petrol tanker laden with detonators failed to explode.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/africa/6578499.stm
http://africa.reuters.com/nigeriaelection/top/news/usnL2116214.html

here's a top ten list of the reasons why it failed to explode;

1. The tanker was filled with water instead of petrol (as there was fuel scarcity)
2. The tanker was actually empty as someone had stolen the petrol and sold it on the black market.
3. The detonators were fake.
4. Someone got 'settled' and sabotaged the plan.
5. Its "Gods" will...
6. Someone had a vision, then fasted and prayed to prevent it from happening
7. The detonators were not set up properly but they decided "make we manage am like that"
8. The tanker was full of adulterated petrol as real petrol is too expensive
9. Actually it wasn't an attack, the tanker's brake failed and the driver lost control..

10. This is Naija nothing works

-----------------------------
Ben TV now broadcasting online

I'm not exactly a big fan of BEN TV but kudos to them for making their broadcasts available online (including election coverage from NTA)
http://www.bentelevision.com/2007/home/homepage.php

You can now enjoy Bisi Olatilo's vomit inducing show and more online ; - )

Another exciting episode of..

2007-04-20T16:45:00.000+01:00

It's bigger than any Nollywood blockbuster, it has Action, Violence, Intrigue, Drama, Magic and Betrayal. Its tomorrow's exciting episode of ~~Nigeria~~ PDP decides

Will the election be 'free and fair', what does that mean? (I know no book o)
Will there be widespread rigging, yes ke
Will Iwu talk trash and describe it as the best elections ever, definitely
Will the hoodlums, hired thugs and area boys 'keep it real', fo' shizzle
Will there be a lot of violence, gba o
Will it be another 'election landslide' for PDP, of course
Will the opposition try to outrig the ruling party in their strongholds, you bet
Will the ballot papers arrive in time (from South Africa) for the elections ?, if its "God's will"
Will observers describe the elections as 'flawed', no doubt
Will the international community do anything about it, forget dat one
Will Nigerians do anything about it, who wan die?

This won't be showing at your nearest multiplex, it'll be happening in real life...
----------------
saving face
a week they say is a long time in politics, it seems Obj has already begun to implement the face saving measures i hinted about early this week (see previous post)

Nigeria's president has admitted there were flaws in last week's state polls and urged election officials to prevent rigging in the presidential vote.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/africa/6574869.stm

After presiding over one of the worst elections in the history of Nigeria, all Obj could say was ''no election could be regarded as perfect, but said progress had been made in Nigeria since elections in 1959''

I'm assuming the progress Mr President was referring to, was election rigging 'Cause if he meant anything else then he must be using the same mind-altering substances Maurice Iwu has been on since last year.

Idols WA

2007-04-18T23:35:00.000+01:00

fela incarnate on idols west africa

I've just been sent some hilarious clips from idols west africa (Nigeria/West Africa's version of Pop Idol)

check out the best of the worst:

There are loads of clips from the show on youtube

OBJ, A True National Leader

2007-04-18T16:48:00.000+01:00

Obj playing the African nationalist, while his own House is on fire

So the question is, how will all this play out. Obj has put himself in a tight spot, with violence erupting in various states as a result of the elections, an emboldened opposition demanding the election is postponed and the previous election cancelled, the islamic threat in the far north, the usual wahala in the delta and the US urging him to ensure the next elections are "free and fair and conducted in an atmosphere free of violence".

For someone who wanted history to remember him as the man who "saved Nigeria", i doubt he ever thought things could turn out this way. His options now are quite limited and all he can do is to try and 'save face' so he can at least retire and spend his 'loot' in peace.

Obj has always wanted to be remembered as a "national" leader, well he is now, as in almost everyone in the country now hates him. That's not an easy achievement in multi ethnic, multi religious, multi everything Nigeria. Even in his backyard - Abeokuta, praise for him is muted. Abacha, horrible as he was, still had support in his hometown...

PDP Decides (2)

2007-04-16T15:39:00.000+01:00

a smashed windscreen, is this a metaphor of what will happen to Nigeria following PDP's "Landslide"